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Sybaris

God Sighting!!

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Today was my wife's annual play-on-the-lake day with her retired boss' uber-Christian family.  Every year she invites him and his wife, their 4 adult sons and their bazillion children over to swim and tube.

All they do when they're here is talk politics and religion. Not a damn one of them can complete a sentence without tossing in god or jesus. It's very annoying.

 

So as usual, before they ate, the boss' wife said a prayer then dropped in something I'd never heard of before, a "God Sighting". I guess it's a feel good thing running rampant through the mega-churches and incites competition between fundy's. She explained that she had planned on getting KFC for the meal but she had gone to Kroger before KFC and hallelujah! Praise Jebus!! They had yesterdays chicken for half price!! AND .............. she had taken all the leftover hot dogs from the church brunch!! The whole meal for 31 people only cost her $10.00!!  

 

Now there's a reason why the chicken is half price ................ after sitting under the high beams all day the shit is about half the size it was when it was fresh because every last ounce of moisture has been baked out of it. You have to take a drink of something after every bite just to wash it out of your pie hole. And those hot dogs ........... I had been to enough church breakfasts and brunches to know that churchies usually bring the cheapest thing they can find and these dogs were no different. They were more like super compacted finger sized tubes of fake meat saturated in red dye No. 4.  The capper though was after everyone had been through the chow line I brought up the rear. All that was left were a couple wings probably from a parakeet and one hot dog half burnt. Now if I would have been feeding 31 people I would have provided at least 3 good pieces of chicken for everyone and at least 2 dogs because those kids were gonna swim and get hungry again. I saw the pan that the bird and dogs came in and no way was there 90 pieces of chicken nor 31 hot dogs. 

 

I don't know about you but the god she saw must have been an imposter.

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Theists project their own character traits upon their gods.  She's a cheapskate looking for attention.  Thus, her god is a cheapskate looking for attention.

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Well, the lesson is next time you go to one of these gigs, have a peanut butter sandwich and a couple of granola bars handy under the seat of your car.

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come on. 

 

all you need

 

5 loaves and 2 fish

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On 8/20/2018 at 3:35 AM, pratt said:

come on. 

 

all you need

 

5 loaves and 2 fish

Which could have easily been achieved, given that Kroger carries fish filet sandwiches in their deli.

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