Brady from the Life After Podcast

[BradyFromTheLifeAfter]

Hello! 

 

I'm Brady Hardin from the Life After Podcast and community. I was raised Southern Baptist, and at 14, I committed myself to full-time vocational ministry. But I was also "struggling with same-sex attraction." 

 

I was extremely involved with church and poured my whole heart into it. I finally started to open up about my "struggle" with close friends when I was 18 or so, but I never acted on it and didn't plan to. I got involved with a reformed Southern Baptist church after getting my Bible degree. I met a woman I was attracted to, and we courted. She knew that I was attracted to guys before our first date. We courted. Got married and had a kid. 

 

A few after our son was born, I found her Ashley Madison; she was cheating on me. Our church got involved to "counsel" us, but it became abusive for both of us very quickly. They wanted her to be someone she wasn't, and they pressured me to fix it all, which I couldn't do. I ended up taking her back 4 times and trying to get her to go to counseling, but she didn't want to. She kept coming back because they were pressuring her greatly.

 

In the middle of this repeated trauma of having to discover my biggest nightmare over and over--being cheated on---my best friend died of sudden heart failure.

 

When my ex decided to file for divorce, the church told me to beg her to stay and to ask for forgiveness for anything I could have done to make her want to have an affair. I refused because I did everything I was supposed to do as a Christian Fundamentalist. I pursued her. Prayed with her. Begged God to bring her back. Read the Bible. Went to church---everything. But I couldn't change her.

 

Two days later, and unknown to me, the pastors went in front of the church on a Sunday morning to tell them to disfellowship me. Kick me out of the community. Shun me. If they talked to me, it was only to bring me back to the fold. 

 

It was fucking outrageous, but I was so committed to my faith that I found a third-party pastor to come in and meet with us to figure out what happened. After meeting weekly for over 2 months, it was clear they had abused me. The third-party pastor made it clear that they owed me a huge apology for not only adding more trauma but also systematically destroying my support system during my time of great need. Also, I had tried to attend another church, but the leadership called them and warned them about how rebellious I was. One of the three abusive leaders apologized privately and said that they would apologize again to me on a Sunday morning and set things right. I mean he had just preached a sermon directed toward my situation on church discipline. 

 

But a month went by. Nothing. Two months. And finally I messaged him to see what the hell was going on, and he kept pushing it back. Finally, the time came, but I was fucking down with religion. I couldn't believe in the Holy Spirit anymore because where the fuck was he the whole time? Why didn't he give two shits about how his children were acting? And why the fuck was I repressing my attraction to guys for 14+ years. I realized in addition to having to historical evidence, Christianity also didn't have evidence of how it was supposed to function now. God killed Ananias and Sapphira for lying about how much money they gave to the church, but he was perfectly content with my church abuse and things much, much worse? No. My faith dissolved, and I finally downloaded a gay dating app.

 

I started a podcast and online community (a secret group on Facebook to protect those in it) for people who are leaving oppressive religion. 

 

I want to see fundamentalism burn.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Welcome to Ex-C Brady! I've known several gay guys in the church, and a few women, that were stuck on trying to follow Jesus and be obedient, but as you saw, there really is no "born again" experience, nor any real presence of god to change our innate wiring. I started Nazarene with their "holiness" doctrine, went to Baptist to escape legalism, went Pentecostal to escape a dead god that had been replaced with a book, thought I'd found the real deal when I began trembling and experiencing stuff that seemed supernatural, except there was still no transformation of me, and I kept seeing so much lying within the church about change that never happened. Once I caught a trusted pastor making up detailed stories of miracles that never happened, that was the crack that started me really questioning and discovering I'd been lied to and that Christianity and Judaism were not at all historical or real. Life is much better without constant re-interpretation based on myths from a Middle Eastern cult!

[TrailBlazer]

Welcome. 

You’re one brave dad. I don’t want to sound dismissive of what you went through, but I wanted to share that Christian fundamentalism effected/hurt some of my family members... What you went through wasn’t right. How some “religious” people treat others is ignorant and can cross over into plain cruel.

Show your children what real love and compassion is. Teach them to befriend and accept others for all of their “sins”, because it’s our flaws that make us beautifully human. 

I’m glad to hear you haven’t given up on humanity completely. Hope the dating app goes well for you. 

[MOHO]

Welcome to Ex-C, @BradyFromTheLifeAfter.

 

Nice extimoney and insight into the horrifically abusive shit that xtians and fundies will engage in to keep us in the fold. 

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

[♦ nivek ♦]

Brady,

 

Feel very welcome to find a niche that fits your life and experiences here at Ex-C.  many of we are survivors of that raping of mind and wallet monster called Funny-mental-ism.  Aint'a so funny now we're finally outside looking at our dust trail left as shit sheds off lives and minds.

 

Brady you'll find so many fellow travelers here, if not on your course they will be able to offer advise, ideas, assistance, stories, hope.

 

Siddown, find that comfortable place, feel free to jump in where wanted, read and learn where dozens of Reasonably Knowledgeable Individuals are posting what they have learned and share.

 

Best of all amigo, there is no fucked up jugement with whom you choose to wake up with, eat breakfast with or share life.

 

kevin, barsweepdishwasherfenceriderfortheBoss, L

[Tsathoggua9]

Wow, that's some horrible stuff you had to deal with! Welcome aboard!

[florduh]

Welcome to the bunch, Brady!

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

Hello, and welcome, @BradyFromTheLifeAfter ! People sacrifice so much of themselves to be a part of a fundamentalist community - they promise security and community even onto life ever after. The truth is, as you and I already know, the walls are *always* closing in when you're in that type of community. There is no security, no community, and no love. It's all about what scapegoat they can find day to day that they can cut off for the petty purpose of making themselves feel superior. Glad you're out of that mess. They think they've punished you, but instead they set you free.