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Goodbye Jesus

Didn't see that one coming...


Ellinas

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I'm sat at my laptop.  It's Sunday morning.  And that is significant.

It's been no secret that I am married to a Christian, and, for years, I've been attending church every Sunday with my wife.  It was my decision years ago to quietly withdraw as far as I could but to do nothing that would upset her social and family circle - after all, she was brought up in this church (which I was not) and it seemed unfair for my issues to affect her more than was necessary.

Well...

There have been a few rumblings for a couple of months that Mrs E was dissatisfied with the church we attended (going back to what was, effectively, a change of management, for want of a better description, and the antics since).  This week, whilst I was in work, she announced to her mother and one of her sisters that she was considering walking out.  She also told them that she didn't think I would bat an eyelid if she did so.

She had a sleepless night or two, then asked me what I thought.  I told her I would not  influence her either way, but that, if she left, so would I.  She is aware I have no intention of joining another church, though I've promised her a lift if she wants to go elsewhere.  I also informed her that I have no obligation or desire to explain myself to anyone in the church if we did leave, though she must decide for herself what she wishes to say if asked.  Her only request was that I be "civil" if anyone visits - and I've informed her that I will be so, provided I don't have to repeat my refusal to engage on the subject of my reasons for leaving more than three times.  In the face of such insistence, however, unpleasantness would commence.  A point she seemed to find reasonable.

So, it seems I have an unexpected level of freedom, all of a sudden.  Still a bit surprised, to be honest.

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Churches do tend to have internal conflicts on a fairly regular basis. That is one of the reasons banks would prefer not to finance church buildings. Internal conflicts can turn a large church into a much smaller church in a rather short period of time. A large Baptist Church in our community went from about 5000 members to about 1500 members in a matter of months over an internal dispute that snowballed. 

 

Your wifes church situation could possibly be beneficial for you. I hope it all works out to your advantage. I too attend church with my wife, but I recently had a sit down talk with her. I told her that I absolutely could not continue attending the Sunday School class with her. I've been faithfully attending those classes but recently I found I could no longer sit quietly and listen to the non-sense being taught as fact. 

 

I have recently started participating in some of the discussions during class, much to my wife's chagrin. Therefore, she thought my decision to stop attending the class might be best for all concerned. :) I also told her I would not be participating in the communion anymore either. On communion Sunday's I will simply slip out when that part of the service begins. She didn't object to that either.

 

I'm hoping the next stage is that she will accept that church is meaningless to me and suggest that I just stay home. There is always hope.

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How wonderful! Continue to be relentlessly real and kind.

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12 hours ago, Fuego said:

How wonderful! Continue to be relentlessly real and kind.

 

Fuego, that's a beautiful way to put it!

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Geezer - I like the idea of you participating in a way that persuades your wife that it's best you were not there.  Never quite mastered that.  Though I did tell Mrs E that I would need an extra hour in bed on Sunday morning as I wouldn't get my snooze during the service.

 

You never know - you might be lucky and she'll spring the same surprise on you as Mrs E did on me.

 

Fuego - you are quite poetic at times!!!

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On 9/2/2018 at 6:08 AM, Geezer said:

I have recently started participating in some of the discussions during class, much to my wife's chagrin. Therefore, she thought my decision to stop attending the class might be best for all concerned.

Rebel! :58:

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 I admire you guys for your willingness to compromise with your wives.  I don't think I'd be able to keep going to church if it were me! Before my deconversion was (recently) completed my husband and I had already stopped attending due to other circumstances, but it just so happened to coincide with the beginning of my earnest journey of questioning, which I found greatly relieving to not have to attend.  If I had to keep going to church to keep the peace I'd probably become extremely depressed.  I'm struggling with simply listening to Christian music in my van!  My husband is a Christian music blogger, and we have always just listened to Christian music with our kids so that's all we own.  My kids love to listen to music when we drive, and since I'm the stay at home parent I'm the one who spends the most time with them in the van and I seriously just can't stomach it well lately.  I told my husband tonight I need some new music, that I was struggling with non-stop Christian music anymore, and he said he figured I would and that I should buy some new stuff.  

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Coming under new management was one of the reasons I left the church.  One a couple of levels.  The church came under new management; and so did I.

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On 9/2/2018 at 9:08 AM, Geezer said:

I have recently started participating in some of the discussions during class, much to my wife's chagrin. Therefore, she thought my decision to stop attending the class might be best for all concerned. :)

 

I'm sure that would have been interesting to hear. 😉

 

On 9/2/2018 at 9:08 AM, Geezer said:

I'm hoping the next stage is that she will accept that church is meaningless to me and suggest that I just stay home. There is always hope.

 

You don't need your wife's permission to stop going to church. You can decide that all on your own and break the news in a respectful manner.

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On 9/2/2018 at 6:08 AM, Geezer said:

I have recently started participating in some of the discussions during class, much to my wife's chagrin. Therefore, she thought my decision to stop attending the class might be best for all concerned

 

Mrs. MOHO (1..2..3.."There he goes again...!") mentioned that pastor asshat said that it is appropriate that I not attend the Sunday Funday Fest while I am "having faith issues" due to the FACT that when one is "in a certain mindset" they tend to see everything through skeptical eyes. This will, in turn, cement their disbelief. 

 

No SHIT, Sherlock!

 

My main point here, though, is can the sheeple not see that the thrust to keep questioners and skeptics out of the fold is because they don't want knowledge and disent to spread? Can they REALLY not see this?

 

I think I just took this thread in a direction other than intended by the OP.  Sorry. 

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Moho - be my guest.  Threads tend to be at their most useful when they are a bit frayed.

Citsonga - I can't speak for Geezer, and his reasons for how he acts may be different to mine, but there is a difference between needing permission and not wanting to cause problems for someone else.

MamaCaz - each to his own.  You can only decide for yourself in your own particular circumstance what is the right course, given your own and your family's needs.  As far as I'm concerned I did what needed to be done in my case.  Admiration is for heroes, not for those of us who just act as circumstances dictate.  What I'm trying to say is, do what you must - I'm no example for the realities of your world.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Update...

Mrs E met with a person from the church at c. 16:00 last Thursday in our front room.  This was her choice.  I made it clear I was not interested in such a discussion, so she arranged the meeting for whilst I was in work.  They were still talking when I got home from work c. 17:30.  However, in fairness to the fellow, he did not attempt to pressurise her and the conversation was simply around the various things that she found unacceptable, a number of which he agreed.  Anyhow, it ended with him just saying "keep in touch" and "if you change your mind, let me know".  On the whole, about as good as it was going to get.  And he made no attempt to engage me in the conversation.

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From your OP " Considering walking out"

 

Now he says "Keep in touch" and "Let me know if you change your mind" 

 

Sounds like she's leaving that church. Perhaps in her next move she'll just stop doing the Jesus Freak gig altogether. 

 

You simply MUST tell me what you've been feeding her!  Perina Fundy  Atheist Chow?  :lmao:

 

 

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I have no idea what she's been imbibing.  The most I've done is exercised a lot of patience, made clear that I was prepared to think independently and let her find her own way.  That's playing a long game, so to speak, but seems to have worked.

 

Interestingly, she commented that she had come to think that being in the church had hampered her life..  That caused some amusement though, as she then said "I suppose I wouldn't have met you if I hadn't been in the church" - which rather begged the question as to whether she was categorizing me as a hindrance.  A question that she answers only by giggling...!!!

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