One step at a time

[Rangi]

Kia ora (Hi) everyone from New Zealand. I've been devouring the material on this website over the last few nights since I searched Google for "Former Christian Forum"!

 

Thought I'd say thanks for the material, and also how great it is that other people are going through or have gone through similar journeys to me.

 

This post is also somewhat for my own sake to help order my thoughts, keep me accountable for continuing to ask questions, and learn in community, so hi! My name is Sam  you can also call me by my handle (Rangi).

 

The brief version of my story is as follows- raised in a Conservative Christina home by two parents and three siblings- had a great, happy childhood and was loved and looked after by my family. Always went to church, went to a Christian university, lived in a Christian hostel etc. 

My journey of questioning started around this time as I made a close friend who was a very liberal Christian, and we had many great (and friendly) debates where my faith was questioned. I was very black and white in my worldview at the time! 

 

A few years later and around 4 years ago I had had enough of Church (the institution), as it was the same every Sunday, nothing really changed in anyone who went, including myself, so I thought "If I'm really a Christian, I should be able to live my faith out authentically without a cheer-leading session every Sunday." Well. after a couple of years of trying to do that and slowly feeling like I was losing this battle and losing myself, I questioned everything layer by layer, all the way back to "Does God exist?". I decided that yes, he did, and rebuilt my faith from there, finding a Church and life/small group that allowed me to throw controversial subjects up for discussion. The result of this was that I regained my faith, but I was different to other Christians- I saw the world as more grey than black and white, and kept asking questions until this year, when I identified with Universalism (scandal!). However, once you decide that there are many roads to God, even if Jesus is the bridge over which these roads go, it's very difficult to reconcile Hell for any reason, so I then came to an impasse.

 

I then had a conversation on a date last week where we both got very deep and discussed our spiritual journeys (she isn't Christian, but has a religious background). I struggled to justify the main tenets of the Christian faith and had to honestly say I really don't know what I believe. This motivated me to resolve this tension that has been going on for the last decade, and so I ended up here, and as a result have been having my mind blown constantly for the last few days.

 

I know I need to take time and work through things, and I know I'll get through this, but man...it's kinda terrifying to have the entire framework on which your life has been based slowly torn away!

 

So yeah, good to meet you all, and thanks in advance for your patience, support and help!

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Welcome Rangi! A lot of us spent most of our lives in the faith, I was in for 30 years of whole-hearted belief. So to have that break and then vanish was life-changing, and eye-opening. All the things I had feared as "from the devil" turned out to be normal, and all of the invisible spiritual warfare went silent in my mind. I had kept it up internally for three decades and my being was finally able to be quiet and relax, realizing that none of it had ever been real. Then as I read these forums, I saw that the scriptures that had begun my faith were themselves non-historical and certainly not eyewitness testimonies as I had been led to believe. Things like the Exodus never happened, since the Jews hadn't been captive in Egypt, and the gospels betray their alleged eyewitness accounts with conversations between people they didn't know and could not have overheard. Plus the accounts of massive miracles went completely unnoticed by anyone other than the gospel writer, indicating the tales are made-up.

 

So, I hope your journey continues to lead you out of the religion. You certainly deserve a life that is based in reality. You can still embody kindness and generosity without belief in someone watching over your shoulder. It is simply your own choice, probably the most powerful thing each of us has.

[★ Citsonga ★]

Greetings, and welcome, Rangi! It's great to see another one's eyes opening to the problems with Christianity. I wish you the best as you work through it all. Enjoy the journey ahead of you....

[Geezer]

I couldn't say it any better than Fuego did. Welcome aboard Sam. I know you will find this site most helpful in your new journey. We have other New Zealanders that post here, so you are not alone. 

[MOHO]

Welcome to Ex-C, @Rangi.

 

Kudos on having the courage to challenge and question the indoctrination.

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

[Rangi]

7 hours ago, Fuego said:

So, I hope your journey continues to lead you out of the religion. You certainly deserve a life that is based in reality. You can still embody kindness and generosity without belief in someone watching over your shoulder. It is simply your own choice, probably the most powerful thing each of us has.

 

Thanks Fuego- I appreciate you sharing your experiences and yes, I think that being able to know that goodness exists independent if Christianity will be key for me moving forward.

 

Citsongw, Geezer, and MOHO, thanks for the welcome

[TABA]

Hi Sam,

 

First of all, Welcome to our community!  It's good to know you've already found it useful:  there's a ton of valuable material here from over the years, whether it's the stories of members' very personal deconversion journeys or factual information that shows - on so many fronts - why Christianity is very much a man-made religion. 

 

It's always good to have new members show up and introduce themselves, but I don't always offer Congratulations because to be honest, some people are in a state of shock or mourning when they introduce themselves, and even though we feel sure things will get better for them, it's not always clear to them at the time.  But in your case, I do say 'Congratulations' because I think you realize you are on the threshold of something exciting: scary and disorienting too, maybe, but also liberating and exhilarating. 

 

Getting to the point of saying (even if only to yourself) "I am no longer a Christian" is a big deal, a hump to get over.  But once it happens, you are in a new phase of your deconversion that is a lot like coming of age and moving out of your parents' home.  Now you don't have somebody telling you what to do or why - you have to figure that out for yourself.  Yeah it can be scary but you gain confidence in time and no healthy person would want to go backward to a dependent relationship.  And now you decide what you believe, based on the evidence and on what makes sense to you: no more checking it against the Bible or this-or-that-sect's interpretation of the Bible.  So in working out your own morality (influenced by your culture) and in deciding for yourself what you believe, that tension you've experienced for the past decade will dissipate.  We've all experienced that sense of relief, of no longer having to mold your mind to fit a Christian-shaped box, and it's maybe the single best thing about being deconverted!.

 

So yeah, Congratulations Sam!  I'm sure there will be setbacks along the way, but you seem like a smart, well-adjusted guy who is moving forward in spite of the fear - which is a good definition of courage.  I hope you'll continue to read and participate here.  It's important to have a community of people who understand the journey you've taken so far, and who can reassure you about the journey ahead.  You're among friends here!

 

- TABA

[Rangi]

Thanks Taba- you summed it up well! It is a lot to process, but is also liberating. It's been quite a long journey, but things are starting to click, especially things like the bad vibe I always got from emotional worship songs, Christian lingo that didn't actually mean anything, and strict versions of what faith is. 

Funny thing is, that is probably why I never went for Christian girls- there was always that sense of them being in a box that was similar to mine which I definitely did not like!

[MOHO]

34 minutes ago, Rangi said:

Thanks Taba- you summed it up well! It is a lot to process, but is also liberating. It's been quite a long journey, but things are starting to click, especially things like the bad vibe I always got from emotional worship songs, Christian lingo that didn't actually mean anything, and strict versions of what faith is. 

Funny thing is, that is probably why I never went for Christian girls- there  always that sense of them being in a box that was similar to mine which I definitely did not like!

 

 

Box...box..box.

yes.

Yes...that's it!

 

I simply need to get Mrs. MOHO out of her box.

Seems fairly straight forward. 

      - Crowbar

      - Hammer

      - A little Dawkins and Carrier

 

Should be a snap!

Thanx, @Rangi 

[Rangi]

1 hour ago, MOHO said:

 

 

Box...box..box.

yes.

Yes...that's it!

 

I simply need to get Mrs. MOHO out of her box.

Seems fairly straight forward. 

      - Crowbar

      - Hammer

      - A little Dawkins and Carrier

 

Should be a snap!

Thanx, @Rangi 

Ha you're welcome- hope that all goes well

[Joshpantera]

Welcome aboard Rangi! We get a lot of Aussie's and Kiwi's on here. Deconversion must be the happening thing down under. 

[Rangi]

2 hours ago, Joshpantera said:

Welcome aboard Rangi! We get a lot of Aussie's and Kiwi's on here. Deconversion must be the happening thing down under. 

Ha is that right? Thanks Josh!

[LogicalFallacy]

Kia ora Rangi, and welcome from a fellow kiwi!

 

Many of us have been where you are, and yes it is scary when your entire framework of life falls over. But the good news is that you can rebuild your life based on reality, not superstition and false beliefs! Feel free to ask questions, dive into topics and the like. We are here to help support you during deconversion. For many of us the only support groups and contact we have outside our old church life is this forum and the internet community.

 

Look forward to seeing your posts and reading more of your journey.

 

Cheers

 

LF

[TABA]

And here I thought Kia Ora was just a fruit drink sold in the UK and Ireland...

 

What else don't I know, I ask myself...

 

[Rangi]

Thanks LF, appreciated!

 

And as for kia ora, well we don't have that drink here I think, must be a cash in on Maori culture haha 

[LogicalFallacy]

15 minutes ago, Rangi said:

Thanks LF, appreciated!

 

And as for kia ora, well we don't have that drink here I think, must be a cash in on Maori culture haha 

 

Apparently they do that a bit in the UK. I've seen a few news reports of various Maori groups claiming cultural appropriation by UK businesses.

[MamaCaz]

Hey welcome, rangi!  I'm new here too, but a lot of your story sounds similar to mine so I wanted to encourage you.  It gets better.  I'm only 2.5 weeks past admitting to myself "I don't believe in Jesus anymore, I'm not a Christian".  For the first week afterwards it was pretty awful.  I cried a lot.  But now I just feel relieved and free, and the rest of my life is wide open.  Hang in there and just keep chasing down those questions!

 

@Fuego  said: " All the things I had feared as "from the devil" turned out to be normal, and all of the invisible spiritual warfare went silent in my mind. I had kept it up internally for three decades and my being was finally able to be quiet and relax, realizing that none of it had ever been real."

 

This has been true for me also.  I let go of my belief in Satan and demons and hell several months ago, and since then it's been so much more peaceful.  I was always one of those people who was supposedly "spiritually sensitive" and could sense demons easily.  But it was all a lie, and just fuel for my underlying anxiety disorder that had never been treated.

 

 

[Margee]

Welcome, Rangi! So glad you found us. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

You're home, honey. It's all going to be OK. Keep reading. Keep posting. We know exactly what you are going through! 

 

Looking forward to hearing more from you. ((hug))

[Rangi]

23 hours ago, LogicalFallacy said:

 

Apparently they do that a bit in the UK. I've seen a few news reports of various Maori groups claiming cultural appropriation by UK businesses.

Classic colonialism I guess...pretty cheeky!

[Rangi]

23 hours ago, MamaCaz said:

 

This has been true for me also.  I let go of my belief in Satan and demons and hell several months ago, and since then it's been so much more peaceful.  I was always one of those people who was supposedly "spiritually sensitive" and could sense demons easily.  But it was all a lie, and just fuel for my underlying anxiety disorder that had never been treated.

Thanks MamaCaz- I'm glad to hear that you're working through things, I appreciate the encouragement

 

23 hours ago, MamaCaz said:

 

 

[Rangi]

14 hours ago, Margee said:

Welcome, Rangi! So glad you found us. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

You're home, honey. It's all going to be OK. Keep reading. Keep posting. We know exactly what you are going through! 

 

Looking forward to hearing more from you. ((hug))

And thanks to you too Margee- for your welcome and your posts! I've read a few and you have a way with words that conveys your thoughts very clearly

 

Fortunately I have a few friends who understand what I'm going through as they've had similar experiences, so I'm talking through things with them.

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

On 9/4/2018 at 6:20 AM, Rangi said:

I know I need to take time and work through things, and I know I'll get through this, but man...it's kinda terrifying to have the entire framework on which your life has been based slowly torn away!

Welcome, Rangi! Certainly take it one step at a time! One of the reasons I identify with turtles is the association with slow, but persevering steps! Turtle steps!

 

It's extremely mindbending for sure but you're taking the right path by choosing your own path in this regard. Cheers!

[Lerk]

Welcome aboard! Fundamentalist Christians are certainly in a better position to realize that they've been taught mythology as fact than are liberal Christians. I'm glad to have been raised as a fundamentalist because of that fact.

[Rangi]

Thanks for the encouragement!

 

Just finished "God's Problem: How the Bible fails to answer our most important question- why we suffer" by Bart D. Ehrman. Well-written and logical book that explores the different perspectives of the various biblical writers on why suffering is in the world. Very insightful actually, as Ehrman used to teach Theology at a high level, so he understands what he is discussing and explains how his exploration of this question led him away from Christianity. Recommended!

[Jesus]

I really enjoyed reading that, thank you for sharing. I relate a lot to what you said about having your mind blown. Revisiting previous conversations, rethinking life decisions, revaluating people in your life; all through the new lenses of reality. It’s an amazing feeling to be free.