VerbosityCat Posted September 12, 2018 Share Posted September 12, 2018 I'm not angry all the time. I think that's an improvement. But it's been 2 decades since I left Christianity and I'm still angry. My anger isn't even rational. I'm not even angry about shit that has happened in my lifetime. The stuff I'm angry about happened a thousand years ago. I just wish history had taken a different turn, that Christianity had never grown to the monolith it is and that everybody still had a sense of where they came from in a real way. I feel a very real sense of loss over "what could have been". And it's possible, even likely, that I'm conflating things. After all, whether or not Christianity ever happened, if my family had been secular I wouldn't have these feelings. I just feel like the world could be so much better. I don't feel like everybody has to be atheist, though I would be very happy with a world in which "unaffiliated" was the largest religion. Or one where everybody kept all their spiritual feelz to themselves and a very small circle of their closest friends. I could feel good about most people being "spiritual but not religious", but I really just wish all organized religion would die in a fire. Specifically the abrahamic monotheisms. It's one thing to have some spiritual beliefs, it's another thing to think you have some universalist truth that applies to all people in all places and you just happen to follow the one true god. The amount of violence, bloodshed, destruction of cultures these religions have caused is beyond the pale. I really don't want to spend the rest of my life angry about this but I'm not sure how NOT to be angry about it. Maybe it would help if I looked at all the progress. The west is a LOT less religious and Christian than it was overall. I can walk down the street as "not a christian" without being murdered. But I hate that that is the bar for "good." I think I just have a really bad habit of thinking once I'm ready for something to be a certain way then the entire world should just fall in line with that. And I'm really not sure how to "be" in the world as it is. It probably doesn't help that I'm in the bible belt. I think if I lived in a more secular area this probably wouldn't get to me but moving is off the table. Am I ever going to just "get over" this? I mean it's great that the fear part is gone and has been gone for a LONG time. But the anger and annoyance part feels like it won't ever go. I hate having to bite my tongue every time someone I care about says something ridiculous about Jesus. I hate even having to be around people who believe in Jesus because of all the baggage that comes with that. Has anyone else been out of Christianity for a LONG time and yet still angry about this shit? And I mean I don't want to imply that I'm in some constant state of anger or that it's seriously impacting my life on a day-to-day basis. It isn't. There are just little "flare-ups". This latest one is inspired by my mother trying to bring me back to Jesus again a few weeks ago. Maybe it's because these attempts actually are less frequent but I think I get more irritated by them every time they happen because the longer time that goes between these little come to jesus eruptions, the more I feel like 'okay good this is over' but then it's not. And it's really just wearing me down. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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