WE WILL SAY GOODBYE TO FLESH & BLOOD

[MAAT5]

Hi Everybody, my name is Miichael

 

I live here in Las Vegas, Nevada. I am a Navy brat and was born at Marine Core Air Station Iwakuni, Japan to a African American father & a Japanese mother. On my fathers side God has always been a big deal and my grandmother Gee Gee (Rochelle) introduced me to God for the first time at the age of 11 or 12 by having me baptized into Southern Baptist Church. Before this time my dad & mother had never even mentioned  God to me. When my Dad found out that my grandmother had me baptized without him being aware of this, my Dad was pissed to say the least. My mother's belief was a form of Buddhism and their main message was World Peace. Can you imagine the turmoil when east meet west, believe me I was young but certainly felt the tension over the course of my childhood. My dad was certainly a worldly type of guy and he certainly gave me the impression that he had herd it all before being brought up in a long line of people that understandably believed especially from the affects of Slavery. Now fast forward to the present I am 60 years old with a damn near entire life of worldly activity myself  O' yea most defiantly a sinner in every sense of the word. Now I'm not a total loser and there has been tremendous change as I am no longer doing those things that cause me so much grief and shame. And there we go... my extended family and even society have shunned me. When I finally realized that I was disowned thats when  Gods Wrath really started to affect me. I began then to long for redemption and forgiveness not only from God but my peoples. I cannot begin to tell you how angry and isolated I am to be trying to win over God & Man but always feeling you are coming up short because you begin to feel and believe you are dammed and haunted. I so much want to put this behind me and this pain has brought me here. I have 3 children, 4 grandchildren and a wonderful wife that has stuck by me but you got to know when I go off into one of my rants about God it really affects everyone around me. 

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

Welcome, @MAAT5! It sounds like you have a lot to process. Internal family conflict during childhood can really shake things up and confuse how you think about what's right and wrong (as children don't we use our parents as a template for what we're supposed to or not supposed to do? What do you do when you're given conflicting templates?). Sounds like you're a multicultural person and walk between worlds - so am I (but I don't go into the details). It's a challenge to exist between worlds, but sometimes the view is pretty. Hope this website helps!

[DanForsman]

Hi MAAT5 and welcome. I hope you will find some comfort here. You introduction is a little short on details so it will take more guessing as to exactly what bad things are happening to you and what to suggest to help. A starting place might be taking a very close look at Christianity and Buddhism especially the supernatural parts and seeing if they are or aren’t possibly credible to you. What about morality? Did religion cause morality or something else? Maybe if you can better understand where you are on these things and where family members are on them you’ll be more able to address the concerns you seem to have. Most of us on ExC have spent a good amount of time examining and questioning our beliefs and that examination has taken us many places we never expected they would. I don’t know if you’ve already done this but if not maybe you could try it as a starting place. We look forward to hearing back from you and continuing the dialogue regarding what’s going on in your life.