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Goodbye Jesus

I was never really into it...


Stackrat

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I guess this is a good place to start.  Everyone seems to be posting their stories of "how I got to here," so here's mine. 

 

I was recently referred to this website by a former co-worker.  As he reminded me, it's been 16 years since we worked together and we both considered ourselves christians at the time.

 

I'm male, 53 (at the time of this writing) and widowed with three adult sons.  I was born and raised in NJ, but now live in KY.  I have a degree in engineering and politically, I identify as a Libertarian.  I'm now engaged to a woman who is also widowed, also atheist and also has three adult children. 

 

I was raised Presbyterian and my dad was active in the church.  He was an "elder," but in more of a management role (mostly as treasurer or whatever the position is that was responsible for the buildings and grounds).  He was not (and still isn't) anywhere near as religious as many of the people I've come to know now that I live in the bible-belt.  In a way, he's more "spiritual" than "religious."  My mother was raised catholic.  She was religious, but just short of the point of actually going to church. 

 

Every Sunday, they would drag me to Sunday school (sometimes kicking and screaming).  Somewhere around 4th or 5th grade - between the story of Job and the one about the guy who wore his brother's coat to trick his blind dad on his death bed -  I came to the conclusion that it was all B.S.  I couldn't take any of it seriously after that.  I did remain somewhat "spiritual" after that, though, believing in the standard god, heaven, hell and praying once in a while, but not much more than that. 

 

One day, I discovered I could get out of Sunday school by feigning illness - every Sunday.  My parents pretty much gave up after that.  The only reason I went through the "confirmation" ritual was because my parent convinced me that one day I might need the church to get married in (which I later did, in fact).

 

In my mid-twenties, I met my wife - catholic and religious but just short of the point of actually going to church (just like my mom).  She had two boys from her previous marriage (both of whom, I later adopted) and we had a third together.  We raised our kids to believe in god, but never took them to church.  I'll never forget the conversation my wife and I had one day....  "We need to send these boys to church."  "I don't see you getting your ass up early on Sundays."  "That's the man's job."  "Not this man."

 

In 2002, I changed jobs and we moved from NJ to rural OH and a few years after that, to KY.  I currently live in the suburbs of Cincinnati, not too far from Ken Ham's "Creation Museum."

 

About ten years ago, I changed jobs again and now I work from home.  This allowed me some free-thought time where I began to question both my previously conservative political beliefs and theological beliefs - ultimately landing on Libertarian (almost anarchist) and atheist... "No rulers, no gods."  My family took it as well as anyone could hope for.  They were a bit upset at first, but came to accept that I was still the same person they've always known.

 

This is the difficult part for me...  A few years before that, my wife developed Degenerative Disk Disease.  For over ten years, her back pain increased steadily.  She tried everything from doctors and operations to herbal remedies to reading the bible cover-to-cover.  I watched my once strong and confident partner in life slowly and painfully deteriorate, falling apart before my very eyes - like a mountain weathered by the elements - until she could no longer bear it.  She took her own life a year and a half ago. 

 

If there were any cracks in it before, my confidence that there is no god was completely solidified at that point.  Neil deGrasse Tyson once said something to the effect of, "If, in our quest for knowledge, we come across 'the bearded man,' then so be it."  Well, if I ever come across "the bearded man," I'd punch him in the throat for the suffering my wife endured.

 

Shortly after my wife's death, I met a wonderful and beautiful woman.  We hit it off right from the start.  She's what keeps me going and gives me the motivation to get up in the morning.  As I mentioned earlier, she is also atheist.  She never believed at all and never had much exposure to religion.  We live together now and are planning on getting married at the end of the year.

 

So that's it.  That's my personal journey through life.  I hope to meet other normal people here and have normal social interactions (albeit online). 

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Hey Stackrat,

 

I'm glad to be the first to welcome you here - since I'm that former co-worker you mentioned!  Glad you decided to join up and introduce yourself.  I actually went almost two years between when I created my Ex-C account and when I finally felt ready to introduce myself.  During those two years I went back and forth between faith and unbelief.  But it was always two steps forward, one step back, and the more I 'lurked' here, reading other people's stories and getting to know them, the more comfortable I became.  At the start of that two-year period, I figured I was done with Christianity, but I was still afraid and somewhat repelled by the thought of being an atheist.  Now not everybody here uses or even likes the 'A' word, but hanging out with a bunch of ex-Christians helped me to first accept and then embrace my own atheism.  Agnostic atheist to be precise, which is a label probably most of use here would accept.  Some people shun those labels, and that's fine, but I'm happy with them.

 

I enjoyed our chat the other day and I'm delighted you met your lady.  Being on the same page with regard to religion - or lack thereof - is  a big help.  I know you've both been through the wringer and am so glad you met each other!

 

Again, welcome!  I hope you'll become somewhat of a regular here...

 

'TABA'

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I was actually trying to find you when you were replying.  

 

I'm not one for labels either, but it does make things easier by giving a general frame-of-reference.  So yes, technically (if I put a label on myself) I would be an "agnostic atheist."  I'm with Neil deGrasse Tyson (looking up the actual quote I referenced above), "I have no problems if, as we probe the origins of things, we bump into the Bearded Man. If that shows up, we good to go! Okay? Not a problem. There’s just no evidence of it."

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A friend of TABA, is a friend of Ours.....

 

*wink, wink*

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  • 2 weeks later...
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On 10/22/2018 at 4:58 PM, Stackrat said:

This is the difficult part for me...  A few years before that, my wife developed Degenerative Disk Disease.  For over ten years, her back pain increased steadily.  She tried everything from doctors and operations to herbal remedies to reading the bible cover-to-cover.  I watched my once strong and confident partner in life slowly and painfully deteriorate, falling apart before my very eyes - like a mountain weathered by the elements - until she could no longer bear it.  She took her own life a year and a half ago. 

 

If there were any cracks in it before, my confidence that there is no god was completely solidified at that point.  Neil deGrasse Tyson once said something to the effect of, "If, in our quest for knowledge, we come across 'the bearded man,' then so be it."  Well, if I ever come across "the bearded man," I'd punch him in the throat for the suffering my wife endured.

 

Death can do that to you. It wasn't long after my sister died that I found myself very focused on the god issue. So some god sits there looking down watching an infant drown without sending any divine inspiration to a family member to get the fuck into back yard immediately. That would have been easy enough. What's the god thinking? 'Hell, I'll just sit here and watch the baby drown to death, so be it.'

 

It really began to occur to me that that's not what's going on. There's no all powerful being looking down somehow at earth from afar. That's just not how it works. And then very anti-theistic atheism began to sweep over. And I've wondered thereafter about what if maybe it is true, but every time I've come back to the same conclusion - no, it isn't likely at all. 

 

And like you said, if there was such a being, he can fuck off as far as I'm concerned. I wouldn't have any fascination with it anyways. 

 

On 10/22/2018 at 4:58 PM, Stackrat said:

Shortly after my wife's death, I met a wonderful and beautiful woman.  We hit it off right from the start.  She's what keeps me going and gives me the motivation to get up in the morning.  As I mentioned earlier, she is also atheist.  She never believed at all and never had much exposure to religion.  We live together now and are planning on getting married at the end of the year.

 

So that's it.  That's my personal journey through life.  I hope to meet other normal people here and have normal social interactions (albeit online). 

 

I like a good positive follow up like this. Story of my life as well. I just roll off the bullshit and keep moving forward. Try keeping a positive outlook and attitude. I've come out of a train wreck divorce smelling like a rose. Everything on the up and up. 

 

No-god is good!!!

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Welcome, Stackrat. There are things in your story that are similar to mine; I know where you are coming from. Hope you'll continue to contribute to our lively site.

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