PurpleLilac

Hi from TX

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The land of enormous flags and women with perfectly coiffed blonde hair. I wasn’t born here though. I’m from the north east and it was me,my younger brother,mom and dad. We moved a lot and didn’t have much. Focus on the Family came with us and blared from moms kitchen radio wherever we went. Dad’s narcissism and listening for the Holy Spirit on every detail of my life was just normal. We were charismatic,speaking in tongues,fundies with no Santa or Easter basket, or god forbid trick or treat. I just feel sad now remembering it. 

I grew up,went to a small Bible college,met a good man and married him my senior year. I found a gentle parenting internet site and told my dad “women aren’t less than” and “god isn’t punitive”. That was my first big step away. I had three kids and suffered anxiety and depression while trying to read the bible to scare it all away. I prayed so hard. I guess maybe this all would have continued for much longer but for two things. 1. My brother is gay and I couldn’t deny the conditional love he got from my parents. 2. Trump came on the scene in 2016. I watched the map turn red Election night and realized I didn’t want to be associated with evangelicals anymore. Two years of depression later,I went to therapy. It took about a month for everything to just crash down to my feet. My brother and I talk every day now. My kids went trick or treating for the first time this year. I dressed up as a red devil and it was awesome. A lady invited me to her church. This is Texas after all. So that’s my story. I guess I’m a hopeful agnostic. I like the idea of a higher power in nature or something like that. But mostly,I love my freedom to live my beautiful life.

 

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Welcome, PurpleLilac! Your family sounds very much like mine, incl. the "narcissism" - was your dad as well claiming to receive his own messages from the Holy Spirit on every detail of your and everyone else's life?

 

I'm glad you've gotten perspective, that you and your brother are in close communication, and that ya'll celebrated Halloween!

 

Hope to hear more from you,

 

f

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Thank you for the welcome😊

Yes,my father had dreams for us and told us the meanings. He was assured my brother and I would be missionaries. He heard god’s voice often and how can you fight against god? Spiritual abuse is soul murder. That’s what my therapist says. 

 

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Welcome aboard. Please stick around and join in our lively discussions.

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Most of the folks that sit on the front row PL here in Texas....uh let's say,  have issues....needs to present themselves as the standard for the church.  And then there are those that actually live it.....they probably don't sit up front.  Glad you're here.  If I had a word of advice....relax, believe what you believe, try to increase your understanding of all sides and all people and move forward.  But personally I like the big hair here in our wonderful state...lol.  And the barbeque, and beer, and potluck lunches, and ....  Take care.

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5 hours ago, PurpleLilac said:

The land of enormous flags and women with perfectly coiffed blonde hair. I wasn’t born here though. I’m from the north east and it was me,my younger brother,mom and dad. We moved a lot and didn’t have much. Focus on the Family came with us and blared from moms kitchen radio wherever we went. Dad’s narcissism and listening for the Holy Spirit on every detail of my life was just normal. We were charismatic,speaking in tongues,fundies with no Santa or Easter basket, or god forbid trick or treat. I just feel sad now remembering it. 

I grew up,went to a small Bible college,met a good man and married him my senior year. I found a gentle parenting internet site and told my dad “women aren’t less than” and “god isn’t punitive”. That was my first big step away. I had three kids and suffered anxiety and depression while trying to read the bible to scare it all away. I prayed so hard. I guess maybe this all would have continued for much longer but for two things. 1. My brother is gay and I couldn’t deny the conditional love he got from my parents. 2. Trump came on the scene in 2016. I watched the map turn red Election night and realized I didn’t want to be associated with evangelicals anymore. Two years of depression later,I went to therapy. It took about a month for everything to just crash down to my feet. My brother and I talk every day now. My kids went trick or treating for the first time this year. I dressed up as a red devil and it was awesome. A lady invited me to her church. This is Texas after all. So that’s my story. I guess I’m a hopeful agnostic. I like the idea of a higher power in nature or something like that. But mostly,I love my freedom to live my beautiful life.

 

 

Welcome to Ex-c. :) Glad you're free from the fundy crazy.

 

Ex-Pentecostal here.

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Welcome aboard, PurpleLilac. This is a space of many ex fundies. Each with their own wack job childhood experience. 

2 hours ago, PurpleLilac said:

He heard god’s voice often and how can you fight against god? Spiritual abuse is soul murder. That’s what my therapist says. 

 

Sounds about right. 

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Welcome to X-Xian, @PurpleLilac! I agree evangelicism is terrible. I have issues with it on a whole different level than I have with Xianity in general. The way it is in the US - it's a political cult. I had to pull away from a very intensely religious evangelical group too. Cudos on the courage and earnestness that got you here and I hope you find good direction and validation from people in this site!

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Love your post. Wearing the devil costume got to me.

Just the other day I was in the store with my kids and I was trying on some crazy evil masks with religious overtones. I so enjoyed mocking my fundamentalist-evangelical-born again-or-you’ll-all-fry-Christianity lol. 

I’m very thankful that my mom allowed and encouraged Halloween as a child having been a Methodist herself. Which basically means anything goes but you just have to go to church and say your prayers at night. For some reason I decided to go full retard at 18 and become John The Baptist incarnate. 

 

So very happy you made it out. 

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11 hours ago, Aaron81 said:

Love your post. Wearing the devil costume got to me.

Just the other day I was in the store with my kids and I was trying on some crazy evil masks with religious overtones. I so enjoyed mocking my fundamentalist-evangelical-born again-or-you’ll-all-fry-Christianity lol. 

I’m very thankful that my mom allowed and encouraged Halloween as a child having been a Methodist herself. Which basically means anything goes but you just have to go to church and say your prayers at night. For some reason I decided to go full retard at 18 and become John The Baptist incarnate. 

 

So very happy you made it out. 

Wearing the devil costume was this delicious sense of power. Taking back my own power and thumbing my nose at all the nights I sat in church and had to watch Heavens Gates,Hells Flames. 

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