Dexter

Do you still get emotional over your deconversion?

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A question for those further along in their personal journeys. While the loss of my faith was slow, my actual moment of deconversion was pretty abrupt and emotional. For those who had that sudden loss of faith, did you experience episodes of crying and emotion from time to time afterwards? 

 

I find myself in such a state this morning. I am remembering the actual moment and as melodramatic as this may sound, I find it deeply traumatizing.

 

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No, I'm not really that much of an emotional person. Plus, it was all mostly an intellectual process for me. I never took the bible or my supposed faith that seriously, at least in my innermost thoughts.

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Tsathoggua99 and I were both Church of Christ.  Emotion doesn't play much of a role in the Churches of Christ. The c of c focus is on following & obeying the Bible as closely and literally as possible. Preachers in the c of c would rarely raise their voice when preaching. Preaching in the c of C is mostly just reading the Bible and then correctly interpreting it for the congregation.

 

As Tsathoggus99 noted, my decision to leave Christianity was also an intellectual decision that was based on studing and researching the origins and evolution of the Bible & the Christian Faith from a pure historical perspective. Emotion played little or no role in my decisions. 

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1 hour ago, Geezer said:

Tsathoggua99 and I were both Church of Christ.  Emotion doesn't play much of a role in the Churches of Christ. The c of c focus is on following & obeying the Bible as closely and literally as possible. Preachers in the c of c would rarely raise their voice when preaching. Preaching in the c PC is mostly just reading the Bible and then correctly interpreting it for the congregation.

 

As Tsathoggus99 noted, my decision to leave Christianity was also an intellectual decision that was based on studing and researching the origins and evolution of the Bible & the Christian Faith from a pure historical perspective. Emotion played little or no role in my decisions. 

 

Amen! Preach it, brother!   Oops, that was a bit too enthusiastic. Sorry....

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For me, it was actually more of a relief.  I didn't have to obsess over every thought and action.  I could be a smart-ass and nolonger feel guilty. I could look at life in a more cut and dried way. 

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4 hours ago, Dexter said:

A question for those further along in their personal journeys. While the loss of my faith was slow, my actual moment of deconversion was pretty abrupt and emotional. For those who had that sudden loss of faith, did you experience episodes of crying and emotion from time to time afterwards? 

 

I find myself in such a state this morning. I am remembering the actual moment and as melodramatic as this may sound, I find it deeply traumatizing. 

 

Me to....slow, very slow loss of faith and being willing to realize then admit I no longer believed and face up to that it was all a sham. Then....BAM....sudden, abrupt, OUCH this hurts a lot. And I still regularly  have days where I still feel various emotions (sometimes mild, sometimes very intense) about it all!!

 

What helps me "purge out" all of the false beliefs, hurt, pain, fear and other emotions is to do very simple, short (10-20 minutes), mild, easy Mindful meditations. The guided (you can download it for free) Fear, Sadness, Labeling Emotions, Anchor Stormy Sea and Befriending the Changes (and others) meditations from this Harvard Medical School doctor/professor make it easy to do. He has you allow the emotion to build up as intense as you can, allowing yourself to  totally experience and  feel it and then letting it subside and then let it go. I only had to do this a few times and I got much better very quickly!

 

http://mindfulness-solution.com/DownloadMeditations.html

http://mindfulness-solution.com/About the Author.html

http://sittingtogether.com/meditations.php

 

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I've found (to my surprise) that I can get revved up in a second when talking about it to someone else, and I need to really stay calm and almost detached to not get too angry about it. The sarcasm flows quickly and freely, and I find myself wanting to download my entire experience into the other person so they can understand it all. Slowly, slowly, slowly, and bit by bit is the better approach. But I don't get down about it, I don't miss it at all, and resent that I lost so many years to the cult.

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I was on a slow what I could call intellectual and emotional journey out of the church over a span of years but my deconversion was really sudden when it finally happened. I remember having a bit of difficulty with the fact heaven may not exist and neither will I eventually but mostly it was sheer bliss when I knew all that fundamentalist crap was just that, made up shit. The emotional difficulties were much earlier on in the process. I have no remaining emotion in regards to my deconversion itself but yeah plenty of emotions all over the scale with continuing to deal with the social consequences of my deconversion. 

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I am not typically an emotional person, though you wouldn't know it to see me of late. But while I took my faith intellectually, I put all of my motivation and conviction into it as well. Loosing god was genuinely like losing a relative. It's still hard for me to process at times.

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On 11/5/2018 at 5:11 PM, Fuego said:

I've found (to my surprise) that I can get revved up in a second when talking about it to someone else, and I need to really stay calm and almost detached to not get too angry about it. The sarcasm flows quickly and freely, and I find myself wanting to download my entire experience into the other person so they can understand it all. Slowly, slowly, slowly, and bit by bit is the better approach. But I don't get down about it, I don't miss it at all, and resent that I lost so many years to the cult.

 

Ditto for me Fuego.  I immediately bypassed the morning phase and went straight to anger.  8 years later I have calmed down greatly.  But those first couple of years were pretty consumed by anger, both at them, and myself for not figuring it out sooner.  I no longer feel it neccessary to "flip off" every church building I go past (not that there is anything wrong with doing this).  But, it was excellent therapy at the time.

 

Time does help heal stuff.  I can spit tacks thinking about all of those wasted years.  So, instead, I focus on making the most of every single remaining day of my precious existence.  

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I can't really be helpful here, either. (And I'm another one of those CoCers.) I realized something wasn't right one Sunday morning in church, and it took me about a month to completely deconvert, after trying to decide whether liberal Christianity might be more correct. (I decided it had even less of a reason to exist than fundamentalism!)

 

My main emotion was "wow!" and some amount of relief combined with quite a bit amazement at how much more sense the world made to me now! No grief at all. Now, having to tread carefully and having conflicts with my wife about it have caused quite a bit of grief, but losing the belief was nothing but positive.

 

I hope you'll get to that point soon.

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