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PurpleLilac

Are there a lot more men than women here?

Question

Ive only been here for a couple of days but it seems mostly populated by men. Very wordy men. 

Am I wrong?

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The only thing I'd add to the great replies is don't feel like you can't start topics if there are subjects you want to discuss. If there is anything that interests you but there's no current threads then go ahead and bring it up. Lots of us have kids, relationships, careers, hobbies and interests other than religions, so feel free to spread your discussion net as wide as you wish. 

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PLEASE EXCUSE THE ANNOYING COMMERCIAL BREAKS IN THE CONVERSATION:

As with everything these days, the cost of keeping the Ex-C forum up and running has been rising. Inflation? In part, but the primary reason is this: As participation in the forums grows, costs increase. The Ex-C forums will remain free of charge to everyone, but if you believe this little corner of the Internet provides value to you or others, and you feel inclined to help keep us online, please consider making a one-time donation or becoming a regular contributor. Contribution options appear under the "Upgrade" link above, and can be accessed by clicking here.

Oh, and as an incentive (no, you won't be given any bogus promises of eternal bliss), if you do become a regular contributor by signing up for any monthly or yearly patron package, this annoying ADVO will disappear.

And now, back to the regularly scheduled conversation...



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Ridiculus euismod nulla augue convallis sed porttitor, fusce natoque fames etiam nullam turpis pretium, habitasse magna senectus morbi mi. Tristique ullamcorper non convallis mauris pellentesque nam vehicula ante imperdiet metus etiam odio libero, primis ultricies dictumst neque sociis pulvinar vivamus rhoncus sollicitudin varius tortor fusce. Vestibulum inceptos malesuada facilisi senectus quis non aliquam felis himenaeos posuere, volutpat curae lacus ut integer ligula platea tellus velit nulla, cursus parturient a fames venenatis tempus nam conubia torquent.

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1 hour ago, PurpleLilac said:

Ive only been here for a couple of days but it seems mostly populated by men. Very wordy men. 

Am I wrong?

 

No, I think your assessment is accurate.  Why do you think more women don't participate on this site? Anyone and everyone is free to jump into the conversations. 

 

Maybe those that are active on this site appear to be "wordy" because religion is a complicated subject; and that requires a lot of factual information to overcome the intense indoctrination believers are typically subjected to..

 

Why do you think the men are wordy?

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35 minutes ago, MOHO said:

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Ridiculus euismod nulla augue convallis sed porttitor, fusce natoque fames etiam nullam turpis pretium, habitasse magna senectus morbi mi. Tristique ullamcorper non convallis mauris pellentesque nam vehicula ante imperdiet metus etiam odio libero, primis ultricies dictumst neque sociis pulvinar vivamus rhoncus sollicitudin varius tortor fusce. Vestibulum inceptos malesuada facilisi senectus quis non aliquam felis himenaeos posuere, volutpat curae lacus ut integer ligula platea tellus velit nulla, cursus parturient a fames venenatis tempus nam conubia torquent.

 

 

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit faucibus senectus viverra, tristique sociosqu integer suspendisse neque nullam vivamus egestas posuere vestibulum, netus duis lacus molestie malesuada fusce metus morbi curae. Interdum convallis nisi placerat aliquam per posuere nisl rutrum praesent, aenean quam magnis litora cubilia iaculis libero ut cum molestie, tristique accumsan risus turpis scelerisque eget neque purus. Malesuada tellus metus diam sodales turpis vulputate donec praesent, posuere venenatis tincidunt rutrum hac primis habitasse, elementum odio nam urna sociosqu netus euismod.

Ridiculus euismod nulla augue convallis sed porttitor, fusce natoque fames etiam nullam turpis pretium, habitasse magna senectus morbi mi. Tristique ullamcorper non convallis mauris pellentesque nam vehicula ante imperdiet metus etiam odio libero, primis ultricies dictumst neque sociis pulvinar vivamus rhoncus sollicitudin varius tortor fusce. Vestibulum inceptos malesuada facilisi senectus quis non aliquam felis himenaeos posuere, volutpat curae lacus ut integer ligula platea tellus velit nulla, cursus parturient a fames venenatis tempus nam conubia torquent.

 

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit faucibus senectus viverra, tristique sociosqu integer suspendisse neque nullam vivamus egestas posuere vestibulum, netus duis lacus molestie malesuada fusce metus morbi curae. Interdum convallis nisi placerat aliquam per posuere nisl rutrum praesent, aenean quam magnis litora cubilia iaculis libero ut cum molestie, tristique accumsan risus turpis scelerisque eget neque purus. Malesuada tellus metus diam sodales turpis vulputate donec praesent, posuere venenatis tincidunt rutrum hac primis habitasse, elementum odio nam urna sociosqu netus euismod.

Ridiculus euismod nulla augue convallis sed porttitor, fusce natoque fames etiam nullam turpis pretium, habitasse magna senectus morbi mi. Tristique ullamcorper non convallis mauris pellentesque nam vehicula ante imperdiet metus etiam odio libero, primis ultricies dictumst neque sociis pulvinar vivamus rhoncus sollicitudin varius tortor fusce. Vestibulum inceptos malesuada facilisi senectus quis non aliquam felis himenaeos posuere, volutpat curae lacus ut integer ligula platea tellus velit nulla, cursus parturient a fames venenatis tempus nam conubia torquent.

 

I was not aware you are fluent in Klingon.  

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5 minutes ago, Geezer said:

 

I was not aware you are fluent in Klingon.  

 

In any event your response to Ms Purple was more inviting and appropriate than my smartastical one. 

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In my experience, women are drawn to the vulnerable and authentic. Multiple paragraphs of wordy explanation starts to sound like maybe people like the sound of their own voice. 

Which sounds mean and I’m not aiming for mean. This might just not be my corner of the internet. 

I scrolled through various posts in several areas of this board and I saw very little of the warmth and humor that (again,in my experience) women might enjoy and appreciate. 

As for needing lots of explanation to counter brainwashing and indoctrination....it’s probably an individual thing. I’ve only been away from Christianity for maybe three months and I don’t feel the need to go on and on about things we all more or less agree on. 

I guess I would rather talk about loving my kids and marriage,how to be a good friend, and hopes that Beto will win. 

*shrug

 

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There's several female members. A few regulars and mods linked to this question page below. They may have a take as well on all of these "wordy" men. 😂

 

@Margee @ag_NO_stic @Orbit @TruthSeeker0 @buffettphan

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3 hours ago, PurpleLilac said:

Ive only been here for a couple of days but it seems mostly populated by men. Very wordy men. 

Am I wrong?

 

It is my observation, and from hearing personal testimony,  that many women are put off from participating due to excessive... ahh shall we say alpha male dominated posting?

 

Basically I think you have women who give a shit about feelings and guys who don't and it tends to put softer natured people off. Not just women I might add. I know a few guys who don't participate often for similar reasons. 

 

Also I think non believers are majority of men, and this is reverse reflected in most church pews are filled by a majority of women.

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52 minutes ago, PurpleLilac said:

In my experience, women are drawn to the vulnerable and authentic.

Multiple paragraphs of wordy explanation starts to sound like maybe people like the sound of their own voice. 

 

Oh us men get into heated battles about all manner of unimportant fluff.

 

52 minutes ago, PurpleLilac said:

Which sounds mean and I’m not aiming for mean. This might just not be my corner of the internet. 

I scrolled through various posts in several areas of this board and I saw very little of the warmth and humor that (again,in my experience) women might enjoy and appreciate.

 

Us men like to be right about our fluff. :) And we like our anonymous opponent to be wrong.

 

52 minutes ago, PurpleLilac said:

 

As for needing lots of explanation to counter brainwashing and indoctrination....it’s probably an individual thing. I’ve only been away from Christianity for maybe three months and I don’t feel the need to go on and on about things we all more or less agree on. 

 

Kind of makes me suspicious about why people who have 'deconverted' like talking about Jesus all the time? Like for years. :)

 

 

52 minutes ago, PurpleLilac said:

I guess I would rather talk about loving my kids and marriage,how to be a good friend, and hopes that Beto will win. 

*shrug

 

 

Us men talk about guns and politics. This website has a direct feed to the Oval Office where Trump is feverishly taking notes and making policy based on our opinions here. :)

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@PurpleLilac Yes, there is a gender balance here, and for good reason. And no it's not just alpha male dominated posting. I have my theories and this is going to be my one and only contribution to the thread as I can already foresee it escalating into mansplaining, among other stuff. 

Lilac, it's my opinion ex-c hasn't left the patriarchy in the sense that some of the posters here don't really show genuine respect for intelligent women. Some of them have had bad experiences with women and have concluded we're all the same. Some of them have even concluded the same of me as I've already been called a man hater during one discussion on the metoo movement (I dared to posit that the other gender cannot speak from personal experience so maybe they shouldn't tell us how it is). Apparently if you have as wife and daughter, you get to speak for them. Sound a bit patriarchal, yeah? 

The gender imbalance is why I think I'm on my way out of this forum as well. Doesn't feel like there's any genuine space for me here as a woman, pretty sure I'm viewed as a soft, liberal minded (yeah that's anathema so some here) emotional person (bad, that) who gets herself worked up needlessly (why else do you have to point it out to me?) and too many times posters are just seeking reaction instead of genuine debate here. 

So yeah, all in all this space isn't conducive to true respect, equality, and discussion. The ToT itself is a space for mostly dudes to shrill in an echo chamber and I was outlawed there (thankfully). Any discussion honestly over gender that I've participated in has deteriorated rather quickly as well. I can't truly recall a productive discussion on gender on here, and I think that says something.

So yeah, actually I'm glad this point was made, as I've articulated my thoughts and I think I've concluded it's time to find a different kind of space. Eventually you tire of having only an exchristian background in common and need a space where there is more of a female presence. 

As to what we like to talk about, it's the same among women and men, were all different. I'm the type that gets tired of talking about the hubby and kids and that sort of stuff and if it doesn't involve ideas or philosophy I'll get bored. That being said, there has to be a mix. It's just the fact I lived with mainly the former for 30+years in the church so I had an overdose, lol. 

 

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I have been on here since 2004, with a five year or so hiatus in there. I think a lot of the oldtimers are no longer here; a few, sadly, are no longer alive, and their presence is missed. 

 

There are many blogs on the Patheos Nonreligious channel that have pretty good gender balance. Roll to Disbelieve, for example.

 

there are a good number of men on this site, as Logical Fallacy said, who have also been put off by a lot of the political back-and-forth. 

 

The number of posts that have substantive historical or theological or even philosophical content is lower than was the case some years ago. I have no interest in posting about guns or about how humans don't contribute to global warming. I find it sad that Ex-C is not as broadly based an online community as it was. Just my opinion: active participation by the owner/author of a blog or site helps keep up interest.

 

I hope, PurpleLilac and TruthSeeker0, that you stick around and not throw in the towel yet. Glad you are out of the cult, in any case.

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7 minutes ago, midniterider said:

 

Oh us men get into heated battles about all manner of unimportant fluff.

 

 

Us men like to be right about our fluff. :) And we like our anonymous opponent to be wrong.

 

 

Kind of makes me suspicious about why people who have 'deconverted' like talking about Jesus all the time? Like for years. :)

 

 

 

Us men talk about guns and politics. This website has a direct feed to the Oval Office where Trump is feverishly taking notes and making policy based on our opinions here. :)

 

37 minutes ago, LogicalFallacy said:

 

It is my observation, and from hearing personal testimony,  that many women are put off from participating due to excessive... ahh shall we say alpha male dominated posting?

 

Basically I think you have women who give a shit about feelings and guys who don't and it tends to put softer natured people off. Not just women I might add. I know a few guys who don't participate often for similar reasons. 

 

Also I think non believers are majority of men, and this is reverse reflected in most church pews are filled by a majority of women.

Well,I have a feeling I’m getting the quote feature wrong on my little IPhone 6 screen,but I thoroughly enjoyed the replies of midniterider and logicalfallacy. Ten years ago,I would have come on this board (for examples sake let’s say I was already an Ex-C then) and I would have straightened my shoulders and set my jaw and done my best to use all the big words and come across as the college grad I am. I would have cared about appearing smart and right and making sure my opponent knew it. I think raising children has taken a lot of that air out my balloon and that’s okay. I dust off the professional phrasing for the occasional job interview or advocacy meeting at school. 

 Then again,I’m married to a wordy mathematical type who feels the need to explain things sometimes more than I want him to. But he also kisses our children goodnight and is warm and tender. People are a mixed bag. 

Thank you for taking the time to respond. It helped to get a bit more of a birds eye view into the people here and the reasons why they post.  It gives  the board more humanity for me. 

I especially liked the bit about our Angry Orange feverishly taking notes,lol. 

 

 

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45 minutes ago, PurpleLilac said:

 

Well,I have a feeling I’m getting the quote feature wrong on my little IPhone 6 screen,but I thoroughly enjoyed the replies of midniterider and logicalfallacy. Ten years ago,I would have come on this board (for examples sake let’s say I was already an Ex-C then) and I would have straightened my shoulders and set my jaw and done my best to use all the big words and come across as the college grad I am. I would have cared about appearing smart and right and making sure my opponent knew it. I think raising children has taken a lot of that air out my balloon and that’s okay. I dust off the professional phrasing for the occasional job interview or advocacy meeting at school. 

 Then again,I’m married to a wordy mathematical type who feels the need to explain things sometimes more than I want him to. But he also kisses our children goodnight and is warm and tender. People are a mixed bag. 

Thank you for taking the time to respond. It helped to get a bit more of a birds eye view into the people here and the reasons why they post.  It gives  the board more humanity for me. 

I especially liked the bit about our Angry Orange feverishly taking notes,lol. 

 

 

Yeah that made me laugh, the angry orange bit. I suspect sometimes some of us, me included, sound like we want to be right. Tbh it's only after I've left religion that I've gained any interest in really hashing subjects through. Sure, I liked it while religious too, but part of the brainwashing was this whole "it isn't becoming" attitude, particularly for a woman, to have strong opinions and debate stuff.

So anyone that knows me now, will now that I have opinions, and I won't hide them. Part of my issue with this site tho is the fact it's feeling tiresome on the debate field. Time to look for a new one with more variety of perspective. 

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The one complaint I hear a lot from women is that men want to fix things. I've been married to the same woman for 53 years and we have a 47 year old married daughter.  So I've had quite a bit of female advice about what men in general , and me in particular, do and say wrong on a consistent basis.

 

I'm speaking for myself only. Now I ask if I should fix the problem, ignore the problem,  or just leave her alone and be quiet. The odds are whatever I do will be wrong. Then I smile and tell her I'm sorry. Then I'm accused of patronizing her. 

 

And just for the record, I don't think mansplaining is helping all that much either. It's no wonder Adam ate that damn apple, he was afraid not to. And Eve told Adam it was all his fault that God was pissed off.  I think she mansplained why it was all his fault so his tiny little brain would understand,......but I'm confident Adam still didn't get it.  

 

(Tongue in cheek ladies.......tongue in cheek.)  :D 

 

 

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Truth seeker, I appreciate your comments,I hear that you’re feeling done with trying to carve out a safe space to land. 

I think it’s good to hash things out and I have nothing against it. I learn all kinds of things from respectful debate. For me,I used to fight and fight hard all through my teens and twenties. Nowadays,I’m just far less willing to engage. I’m content to figure out my own path in my own time. 

Geezer, it does seem telling that the first biblical myth was about the battle of the sexes and who was to blame. 

I hope you keep onkeeping on,I for one,need good men in my life who can handle the unknown a woman presents. 

 

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Also,when I jumped into this forum,it didn’t even occur to me to think about age. The only other Ex-C is my brother and we are both in our 30s.

Does the age on this board skew a bit older as well as male?

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I've wondered the same thing, seeing so much vitriol spewed over everything, and threads that go on for many pages of the same. There are posters on the main blog page that avoid the forums completely.

 

I don't post all that often, and I try to add content when I do. I avoid the politics (usually), since there are a thousand other sources of that throughout the day. I'm here to help Ex-C folks find someone with a common experience and to share my outlook on Ex-C specific kinds of things (usually). I like to hear about the various angles of religion we all had, getting glimpses into the denominations and family issues.

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41 minutes ago, Geezer said:

The one complaint I hear a lot from women is that men want to fix things.

 

I plead guilty. I have to work hard to just listen, particularly when that's all the person wants. I think one of the best listeners here is moderator Margee, and us guys all could take a lesson from her.

 

Aside from that, I rarely look at the gender of the poster, and I've sometimes been surprised when I do that it's not what I presumed it would be. Therein is a lesson in not making presumptions.

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About the age thing, I have the impression there's quite a few younger posters as well. 

 

I'm a bit skeptical about the whole battle of the sexes thing. I think in many cases particularly in relationships it's miscommunication problems that can be corrected quite easily with a bit of effort and understanding. I don't really like the "women are like this" and "men are like that" claims overall. I think personality and background are large players. People can get along quite well if they just don't jump to conclusions based on gender, and if they communicate well and respect each other. Unfortunately society tends to perpetuate these ideas about what each gender is like and where the fault lines are, and I think it's largely bogus. 

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1 minute ago, older said:

 

I plead guilty. I have to work hard to just listen, particularly when that's all the person wants. I think one of the best listeners here is moderator Margee, and us guys all could take a lesson from her.

AGREED. 

A2D82736-2BFC-4B91-AA98-D0CAE6A32D48.jpeg

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2 hours ago, LogicalFallacy said:

 

Also I think non believers are majority of men, and this is reverse reflected in most church pews are filled by a majority of women.

Most church cultures today, at least the outright fundie patriarchal ones, still operate on the" traditional" gender roles ie women stay home and raise babies. Control the women and you control everything, as simple as that. 

Women's liberation still needs to break through the last strong hold - religion. 

 

Wierd, I didn't see that reflected in my church pews, it was all families.

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I like that, TruthSeeker. "We don't listen to understand. We listen to reply." Something to remember.

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8 hours ago, PurpleLilac said:

Also,when I jumped into this forum,it didn’t even occur to me to think about age. The only other Ex-C is my brother and we are both in our 30s.

Does the age on this board skew a bit older as well as male?

 

Yes, largely so. The way it stands, over the years, the crowd has sort of dwindled down to a lot of grumpy old men for regulars. 😂

 

But that's not entirety. 

 

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10 hours ago, ficino said:

The number of posts that have substantive historical or theological or even philosophical content is lower than was the case some years ago. I have no interest in posting about guns or about how humans don't contribute to global warming. I find it sad that Ex-C is not as broadly based an online community as it was. Just my opinion: active participation by the owner/author of a blog or site helps keep up interest.

 

I hope, PurpleLilac and TruthSeeker0, that you stick around and not throw in the towel yet. Glad you are out of the cult, in any case.

 

There are others saying the same general thing as the above. We're an ex christian website and most of the new people come here to discuss religious history, theology, philosophy, spirituality and science, and ex christian life. All of the political asides should be just that, asides. Not the main focus. And limited to "totally off topic." 

 

The way to get back to the ex christian community feel that was felt prior, is to take the reigns of conversation and direct it back that way. It requires the participation of members. If this sounds about right to some of you reading, make greeting new members a priority over rushing to ToT to try and one up somebody. Use your personal skills and knowledge to help people answer questions. I've been discussing these very things with some concerned members lately. The above are some of their suggestions which I agree with. Especially the sentiment that it won't change unless those who are concerned take the initiative to make the change happen. 

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8 hours ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

About the age thing, I have the impression there's quite a few younger posters as well. 

 

I'm a bit skeptical about the whole battle of the sexes thing. I think in many cases particularly in relationships it's miscommunication problems that can be corrected quite easily with a bit of effort and understanding. I don't really like the "women are like this" and "men are like that" claims overall. I think personality and background are large players. People can get along quite well if they just don't jump to conclusions based on gender, and if they communicate well and respect each other. Unfortunately society tends to perpetuate these ideas about what each gender is like and where the fault lines are, and I think it's largely bogus. 

I think you’re right. Personality plays a big part but cultural expectations are so Strong it seems. I think respect is key. And assuming positive intent. 

8 hours ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

Most church cultures today, at least the outright fundie patriarchal ones, still operate on the" traditional" gender roles ie women stay home and raise babies. Control the women and you control everything, as simple as that. 

Women's liberation still needs to break through the last strong hold - religion. 

 

Wierd, I didn't see that reflected in my church pews, it was all families.

I believe feminism is about having a choice. But children really complicate things so quickly for young women. The very real issue of money and childcare has kept me home for nine years,not my husband or our church (yes,I still go to church with him most weeks). I’m at a loss how to have it all. I’m going to encourage my daughter to wait until her 30s to have a child. But again. Her choice. 

12 minutes ago, Joshpantera said:

 

Yes, largely so. The way it stands, over the years, the crowd has sort of dwindled down to a lot of grumpy old men for regulars. 😂

 

But that's not entirety. 

 

Well, grumpy old men who are Ex-C is a whole new area for me. 

Im mostly aquainted with my father and father in law who are shades of fundie. My father in law told me I need to submit to my husband. Hahahaha. He doesn’t say anything like that to me anymore. We have a grudging respect for each other nowadays. 

 

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