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PurpleLilac

Are there a lot more men than women here?

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5 minutes ago, Joshpantera said:

 

There are others saying the same general thing as the above. We're an ex christian website and most of the new people come here to discuss religious history, theology, philosophy, spirituality and science, and ex christian life. All of the political asides should be just that, asides. Not the main focus. And limited to "totally off topic." 

 

The way to get back to the ex christian community feel that was felt prior, is to take the reigns of conversation and direct it back that way. It requires the participation of members. If this sounds about right to some of you reading, make greeting new members a priority over rushing to ToT to try and one up somebody. Use your personal skills and knowledge to help people answer questions. I've been discussing these very things with some concerned members lately. The above are some of their suggestions which I agree with. Especially the sentiment that it won't change unless those who are concerned take the initiative to make the change happen. 

Everytime I see ToT,I think of trick or treat and I know that’s not it. 

Do y’all have a sticky of commonly used board abbreviations?

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43 minutes ago, Joshpantera said:

 

The way to get back to the ex christian community feel that was felt prior, is to take the reigns of conversation and direct it back that way. It requires the participation of members. If this sounds about right to some of you reading, make greeting new members a priority over rushing to ToT to try and one up somebody. Use your personal skills and knowledge to help people answer questions. 

 

 

Amen Brother!!

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34 minutes ago, PurpleLilac said:

Everytime I see ToT,I think of trick or treat and I know that’s not it. 

Do y’all have a sticky of commonly used board abbreviations?

 

Yeah, sorry. That's totally off topic. All politics are supposed to be limited to there. It's a place to blow off steam and have fun, within reason.

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13 hours ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

AGREED. 

A2D82736-2BFC-4B91-AA98-D0CAE6A32D48.jpeg

 

Welcome to Ex-c Purple Lilac. So glad you joined us and I sure hope you decide to hang out for awhile.

 

And thanks for the compliments, you guys!

 

What an interesting post you got goin' here! Actually, I am enjoying reading it so much and I am sitting here giggling to myself with all the wonderful replies from the men and woman. 

 

The wordy posts are really just the gang wanting to have discussions. When I first joined this board in 2010, my (100's of posts)  were as 'wordy' as any man here. And it was the men and woman who took the time out to respond to my wordy posts that helped me so much. I was a total mess when I joined Ex-c. I was losing my faith in a god I had believed in for years. It was the men and woman on this board who helped me through the toughest time in my life. Losing my faith in god was the single most difficult loss I had to work my way through.

 

I am not an arguer by nature. So I do not get involved in most of the debates on the board. (or in real life) But I love to read and try to understand all the different opinions that the men  (and woman) have. I have been shocked a few times over the last 9 years with some of the responses but I realize I was trying to form a 'new life worldview' so I had to be open to everything. I was asking for the help.

 

 I have learned over the years that you cannot change someone's' opinion unless they are open to it. Most of us stubborn humans have formed our different opinions and I just can't be bothered trying to change anyone's mind. And that includes any Christians. You could not change my mind when I was a total believer in the bible, so I don't even try to change the mind of a Christian. I came to the 'unbelief' myself. That's when I joined Ex-c. Then I was open for a whole bunch of others' opinions' and they helped me to see where my lack of faith was valid. So all the members 'listened' to me and helped me in a great time of need. And I'll always be grateful for their 'wordy' posts. Both men and woman!

 

Every now and again, I get pissed off and blow a little gasket on the board and they laugh at me. Lol I have times when I hate the arguing on this board and I take a break from it. I don't want to be in the environment of a lot of arguing.

 

If you want help on this board or have any questions at all, you will come to appreciate the different replies you will receive. If you want to debate, you will have to be open to the men and woman who might disagree with your opinion so get ready for that!! Lol  If you want 'safe' and people to agree with you all the time, you might want to join another board. I'm 'wordy' today because I am off work and all my errands are done and my house is quite clean so I have some time to write.

 

I sure hope you stay around. I think you will add some interest to the board. We need more ladies! Glad you found us! Stay awhile and see what you think? 


(hugs) and love to all of you.

 

And yes men!! All we woman want is for you to listen!!! Pay attention to Chris Rock today and have a laugh!!! This video even helped me to understand men better!  Lmao! :clap::yelrotflmao:

 

 

 

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5 hours ago, Joshpantera said:

 

Yes, largely so. The way it stands, over the years, the crowd has sort of dwindled down to a lot of grumpy old men for regulars. 😂

 

But that's not entirety. 

 

 

Get off my lawn!!!   :)

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3 hours ago, Margee said:

 

Welcome to Ex-c Purple Lilac. So glad you joined us and I sure hope you decide to hang out for awhile.

 

And thanks for the compliments, you guys!

 

What an interesting post you got goin' here! Actually, I am enjoying reading it so much and I am sitting here giggling to myself with all the wonderful replies from the men and woman. 

 

The wordy posts are really just the gang wanting to have discussions. When I first joined this board in 2010, my (100's of posts)  were as 'wordy' as any man here. And it was the men and woman who took the time out to respond to my wordy posts that helped me so much. I was a total mess when I joined Ex-c. My marriage was falling apart (something I have never mentioned) and I was losing my faith in a god I had believed in for years. It was the men and woman on this board who helped me through the toughest time in my life. Losing my faith in god was the single most difficult loss I had to work my way through.

 

I am not an arguer by nature. So I do not get involved in most of the debates on the board. (or in real life) But I love to read and try to understand all the different opinions that the men  (and woman) have. I have been shocked a few times over the last 9 years with some of the responses but I realize I was trying to form a 'new life worldview' so I had to be open to everything. I was asking for the help.

 

 I have learned over the years that you cannot change someone's' opinion unless they are open to it. Most of us stubborn humans have formed our different opinions and I just can't be bothered trying to change anyone's mind. And that includes any Christians. You could not change my mind when I was a total believer in the bible, so I don't even try to change the mind of a Christian. I came to the 'unbelief' myself. That's when I joined Ex-c. Then I was open for a whole bunch of others' opinions' and they helped me to see where my lack of faith was valid. So all the members 'listened' to me and helped me in a great time of need. And I'll always be grateful for their 'wordy' posts. Both men and woman!

 

Every now and again, I get pissed off and blow a little gasket on the board and they laugh at me. Lol I have times when I hate the arguing on this board and I take a break from it. I don't want to be in the environment of a lot of arguing.

 

If you want help on this board or have any questions at all, you will come to appreciate the different replies you will receive. If you want to debate, you will have to be open to the men and woman who might disagree with your opinion so get ready for that!! Lol  If you want 'safe' and people to agree with you all the time, you might want to join another board. I'm 'wordy' today because I am off work and all my errands are done and my house is quite clean so I have some time to write.

 

I sure hope you stay around. I think you will add some interest to the board. We need more ladies! Glad you found us! Stay awhile and see what you think? 


(hugs) and love to all of you.

 

And yes men!! All we woman want is for you to listen!!! Pay attention to Chris Rock today and have a laugh!!! This video even helped me to understand men better!  Lmao! :clap::yelrotflmao:

 

 

 

I listened to the Chris Rock skit driving in my van😆

If there ever was a good time for wordy,it’s in the pursuit of helping another person process and heal from pain. Thank you for your warm welcome!

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5 hours ago, PurpleLilac said:

I think you’re right. Personality plays a big part but cultural expectations are so Strong it seems. I think respect is key. And assuming positive intent. 

I believe feminism is about having a choice. But children really complicate things so quickly for young women. The very real issue of money and childcare has kept me home for nine years,not my husband or our church (yes,I still go to church with him most weeks). I’m at a loss how to have it all. I’m going to encourage my daughter to wait until her 30s to have a child. But again. Her choice.

My mom, who is fundamentalist and has no issue with the patriarchy at all and supports it, told me not to rush marriage in my 20s (because of course marriage meant kids, since there was no birth control allowed). I think this is only because she herself had the best of both worlds, career and family, and got married in her 30s. It's good advice all around, people should have time to sort their careers out and have a stable foothold on life before having kids. If I had a daughter, that's what she would be hearing in terms of advice.

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@MargeeGood points you made, about the importance of being wordy. I know personally, if i didn't have the support of ex-c and in particular the chat room during my deconversion, I would probably be pretty depressed. The whole thing was so overwhelming when it started, with all the social isolation, and the ongoing effects of my deconversion. This community is really the only thing that has prevented me from feeling utterly alone, and so I know it's an important place for people who are looking for support.

 

Josh also made some good points, that the place could use some improvement, and that people need to make that happen. I still consider myself a bit of a newbie here, considering I know others who joined years ago. One of them told me this morning that it's too bad ex-c isn't fun anymore, like it used to be. Personally, I feel like what is occurring in the US in  particular in regards to the political scene/divide has cast too large of a shadow on this site as well, and that we can start to really focus on other areas besides politics. Since I don't follow ToT anymore, 3/4 of my previous activity thread has disappeared. I don't mind that, but is it possible for all the folks who spend lots of time in the ToT to put more energy elsewhere, into more important/interesting things such as the suggestions mentioned, and leave the trash talk aspect to that area of the site if they like to engage in it?

 

Another thing: the discussions will only be productive if people remain respectful (ie no trolling or baiting), start paying a bit more attention to the quote I posted, and instead of jumping to reply, they consider points seriously. As well, if you're open to having your points of view and opinions changed, the discussion is a lot more productive. All of us were able to question Christianity, so why not try a bit harder with being open-minded? Hopefully I don't sound too preachy, and I know I'm guilty of also jumping to reply instead of listening fully to understand. My point is, we can all stand to improve in this area.

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23 hours ago, PurpleLilac said:

Ive only been here for a couple of days but it seems mostly populated by men. Very wordy men. 

Am I wrong?

 

You are not wrong.

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The only thing I'd add to the great replies is don't feel like you can't start topics if there are subjects you want to discuss. If there is anything that interests you but there's no current threads then go ahead and bring it up. Lots of us have kids, relationships, careers, hobbies and interests other than religions, so feel free to spread your discussion net as wide as you wish. 

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So, you see a lot of wordy men here.  LOL, that's because there ARE a lot of wordy men here.  A lot of obsessive compulsives.  Myself included!  

 

We like to be right.  We like to be correct.  That is why a lot of us are ex-christian.  Things just didn't add up at church, so we set out to find truth.  Forgive us when we get too wordy, and "beat the horse to death", as the old saying goes. And some threads at times do become absurd.  The other day it crossed my mind that a discussion reminded me of arguing over how many angels could sit on the head of a pin.

 

As far as moving on to other forums from time to time, I understand that.  Some people like the sameness.  Some decide to find different "scenery".  Both are okay.  This forum is a great one, and if some didn't stick around, no one would be here to help those who are having difficulty de-converting.  If I could change one thing about the forum, it would be to stop the occasional profanity and disrespect.  I think that drives some people away.

 

Well, that's enough compulsive writing for me tonight!

 

Welcome, PurpleLilac! 

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8 hours ago, Weezer said:

So, you see a lot of wordy men here.  LOL, that's because there ARE a lot of wordy men here.  A lot of obsessive compulsives.  Myself included!  

 

We like to be right.  We like to be correct.  That is why a lot of us are ex-christian.  Things just didn't add up at church, so we set out to find truth.  Forgive us when we get too wordy, and "beat the horse to death", as the old saying goes. And some threads at times do become absurd.  The other day it crossed my mind that a discussion reminded me of arguing over how many angels could sit on the head of a pin.

 

As far as moving on to other forums from time to time, I understand that.  Some people like the sameness.  Some decide to find different "scenery".  Both are okay.  This forum is a great one, and if some didn't stick around, no one would be here to help those who are having difficulty de-converting.  If I could change one thing about the forum, it would be to stop the occasional profanity and disrespect.  I think that drives some people away.

 

Well, that's enough compulsive writing for me tonight!

 

Welcome, PurpleLilac! 

This morning, I’m thinking about the desire to be right,to be correct.

As I coax my seven year old to take his medicine and I try to decide who is too sick for school. Halloween candy is a new visitor this year and I might have to rethink it next year. 

I grew up with a narcissist. A spiritually abusive father who left almost no wiggle room to have my own thoughts or ideas. I made mine line up with his because his sunshine was much preferred over a cold,turned back.  Anyway,he often asserted “I’m always right!” Or even “I’m the man and I’m always right!” I’m not sure how he could go on parenting that way. How he could confidently murder my young soul year after year. 

Anyway,that sort of confidence is rather catching. I liked to be right as well. I needed to feel like I was smart and that I mattered. I still do,from time to time. Especiallly as a stay at home mom. But as I said in a different thread (my intro thread),mothering three children and fighting depression has taken a lot of air from sails. Nowadays,I am content to lie on the bottom of the boat and watch the clouds go by. 

I left Christianity because I want to be a good mother. I want my children to feel seen and heard and deeply loved. I want them to grow up confident in their own power to reason life out for themselves. 

I share all this because I like to be real on the forums I join. My wordy musings for the day,if you will. 

So in conclusion,I respect that some of the members here left Christianity for different reasons. That we have all walked a different path. And I look forward to getting to know new people who challenge and invite me to think different ways. 

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26 year old woman here! Got tagged by @Joshpantera....

 

I only don't jump in much anymore because I feel fairly solidified in what I believe and don't feel like I need as much "deconversion guidance" as I used to. If it's a question I feel comfortable answering, I do. If I'm up for a challenge or am curious, I'll post something or jump in. Otherwise, I just lurk a bit. I rarely focus on gender or demographic, I find it intriguing that you felt it was predominantly male!

Welcome to our humble forum, @PurpleLilac! I hope you enjoy engaging with us as we discuss navigating life without our former religion! If you have an extimony, I'd love to read!

 

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On 11/5/2018 at 9:56 PM, PurpleLilac said:

Also,when I jumped into this forum,it didn’t even occur to me to think about age. The only other Ex-C is my brother and we are both in our 30s.

Does the age on this board skew a bit older as well as male?

 

I’m definitely an old white man! (58)

 

And the older I get, the more liberal I get.  I do like to pontificate at times. When I was in my 20s and thought I knew everything, of course I was a Republican! But along the way, I noticed things. I know older people get set in their ways, so maybe I’m not as old as I think I am.

 

I don’t spend a lot of time on this board, though. Someone mentioned “Roll to Disbelieve” on Patheos... that’s about my favorite place online, along with other Patheos blogs “Godless Mom” and “Another White Atheist in Columbia.” Maybe I just prefer the company of women!

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