First Christmas as Ex-C with Fundies

[PurpleLilac]

Or my parents,specifically. I’m in my 30s, have a Christian (non-fundie) husband and three kids and I’m about 3 months post Christian. 

I was discussing with my atheist brother today how to set the new rules for my parents. He won’t be here to help me in person. 

Basically,I need to protect my kids from my dad. He is nuts. He fills their heads with things about the end times and angels and demons and sin. In the past,I just kept a close eye on him and softened his words behind him. 

This christmas is going to be very different as 1. I’m going to tell my dad not to bring anything like that up and 2. If he does (he will because Christmas) Im going to be telling my kids that is what grandpa/some people believe.

My parents will fly in and be in town for one week. We haven’t seen them since last Christmas when everyone was still fundie. 

Any advice on how to set clear boundaries on a Christian holiday that includes magical stars and angels and whatnot? 

How to minimize the awkward? 

How to parent my children through this awkward af holiday? I’m going to be talking about magic and merry and solstice etc. But what to do with actual Christmas which is wound through our books and decorations and music?

 

 

 

[MOHO]

50 minutes ago, PurpleLilac said:

I’m going to tell my dad not to bring anything like that up and 2. If he does (he will because Christmas) Im going to be telling my kids that is what grandpa/some people believe

 

Perfecte!

 

Looks like you have it down, PL!

Just don't be too wordie when you do this. 

[PurpleLilac]

41 minutes ago, MOHO said:

 

Perfecte!

 

Looks like you have it down, PL!

Just don't be too wordie when you do this. 

*nods*

If only it was so simple. There’s no way in hell my dad is going to calmly accept my new boundaries,especially with the eternal souls of his only grandchildren on the line. 

Can y’all see the disconnect between “come for a major Christian holiday” and “I’m not religious anymore,so don’t talk about god or religion with your grandkids at Christmas.”

 

[MOHO]

Yeah.

An oversimplification to just expect the fams to behave a certain way when it comes to theology, indoctrination, and supersitian - just because you request it in your home.

 

Avoiding them is easy to recommend but much much harder to accomplish. I myself will be at Mrs. MOHO's son's house on Thursday. As previously stated he's scream'n fundy, an unapologetic racist, and is under the misconception that America is officially a Christian nation. 

 

I suspect that remaining persistent with your plan to curb daddy's oratory and explain to your rugrats that he's full of cow cookies may work for a short time. Expect in the future for him to plan an afternoon with the grand brats that will, of course, be mostly a marathon indoctrination session. 

 

 

[PurpleLilac]

Full of cow cookies,lol.

And yes,racist,homophobic,sexist,freaking crazy person who will undoubtedly tell me he can sense demonic spirits in my house at some point. 

 

[MOHO]

On a side note:

I remember my first x-mass as an atheist.

Mrs. MOHO asked if I would at least go to church xmas eve with her. 

I said "No."

Not "I don't feel well." or "I'm too tired." or "I'll stay here and guard the xmas tree." (We don't have one.') Just...."No."

 

I felt kinda bad after that so, when she was gone, I placed a star and a couple of those colored ball thingys on a fake palm tree in the living room.

When she got home we both laughed our asses off over a glass of holiday cheer. 

[MOHO]

2 minutes ago, PurpleLilac said:

Full of cow cookies,lol.

And yes,racist,homophobic,sexist,freaking crazy person who will undoubtedly tell me he can sense demonic spirits in my house at some point. 

 

OMG!

The demonic presence thing!

It makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck to thing that a grown woman could not only believe in that crap but that leaving her Bible open on the arm of the couch in the living room would ward off the evils spirits. 

 

I think I'll take the long way home tonight...

[sdelsolray]

5 hours ago, PurpleLilac said:

Or my parents,specifically. I’m in my 30s, have a Christian (non-fundie) husband and three kids and I’m about 3 months post Christian. 

I was discussing with my atheist brother today how to set the new rules for my parents. He won’t be here to help me in person. 

Basically,I need to protect my kids from my dad. He is nuts. He fills their heads with things about the end times and angels and demons and sin. In the past,I just kept a close eye on him and softened his words behind him. 

This christmas is going to be very different as 1. I’m going to tell my dad not to bring anything like that up and 2. If he does (he will because Christmas) Im going to be telling my kids that is what grandpa/some people believe.

My parents will fly in and be in town for one week. We haven’t seen them since last Christmas when everyone was still fundie. 

Any advice on how to set clear boundaries on a Christian holiday that includes magical stars and angels and whatnot? 

How to minimize the awkward? 

How to parent my children through this awkward af holiday? I’m going to be talking about magic and merry and solstice etc. But what to do with actual Christmas which is wound through our books and decorations and music?

 

 

 

 

Consider informing your father of your chosen boundaries well before Christmas in writing (e.g., via e-mail).  That way there's an opportunity for discussion and agreement before the holiday.  Save the "my house...my rules and my children...my rules" retorts unless and until you absolutely have to use them.  Also, instead of focusing on the religious aspects, you could focus on drawing specific boundaries around such things as bigotry, hate, xenophobia (and other phobias) and fear-mongering (if your father exhibits them).

[Positivist]

I think it’s great that you’re going to set some boundaries. Since they’ll be trampled, have a plan. Are the kids on your side? Make a Fundie Xmas Bingo card so each of the kids can identify and track the cray-cray from gramps. First to get a BINGO gets another helping of dessert. Or inoculate the kids by having them secretly count boundary violations. 

[TruthSeeker0]

I'd innoculate them well before grandpa even appears on the scene. Have a conversation with them about what grandpa believes, and make it clear that it's only his belief, and that there are a lot of people out there with a lot of different beliefs. Talk about how important it is to include people, and be kind, and not be hateful. If and when grandpa starts with the bigoted comments etc, it's much easier for the kids to see them for what they are since conversations have already been had. It works. Everyone should do it, fundie relatives or not. Last week I caught my niece informing my nephew that certain things just aren't done by fundie relatives, but that they can do them when they get home. These kids have certainly been inoculated against the crazy, it's very apparent in their behaviour.

[PurpleLilac]

11 hours ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

I'd innoculate them well before grandpa even appears on the scene. Have a conversation with them about what grandpa believes, and make it clear that it's only his belief, and that there are a lot of people out there with a lot of different beliefs. Talk about how important it is to include people, and be kind, and not be hateful. If and when grandpa starts with the bigoted comments etc, it's much easier for the kids to see them for what they are since conversations have already been had. It works. Everyone should do it, fundie relatives or not. Last week I caught my niece informing my nephew that certain things just aren't done by fundie relatives, but that they can do them when they get home. These kids have certainly been inoculated against the crazy, it's very apparent in their behaviour.

This is fantastic,thank you. 

[★ Citsonga ★]

16 hours ago, Positivist said:

Make a Fundie Xmas Bingo card so each of the kids can identify and track the cray-cray from gramps. First to get a BINGO gets another helping of dessert. Or inoculate the kids by having them secretly count boundary violations. 

 

This is a hilariously great idea!