Vierge Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 Hello everyone, it's been a long time coming for moi. Unfortunately I tend to make myself a complicated person and feel the need to start from the beginning here. I grew up in a firmly (but not zealously) catholic family, my sister and I primarily raised by our guardians, who sent us to catholic schools until hs graduation. The dynamic between us and them was inordinately dysfunctional. I left at 17 and did not socialize with them very much since. Ambling forward with feigned interest in my classes, I started spending a lot of time researching conspiracy theories and the occult. My favorite writer soon became David Icke and I frequented the DI forums. I have come to believe essentially everything he has written about, particularly that the 'gods'/creators of humans were and are predators to us, that there are a number of bloodlines which maintain positions of power because of their affinity with 'heavenly' entities, and that most people are preoccupied with their private, worldly affairs and content to live their lives without questioning or challenging the corrupt establishments which, by extension of its' creators, causes widespread suffering and death. In this paradigm life becomes quite an undignified nightmare for the weak. Since those years I have had homeless phases, an awakening to my spiritual identity, a serious suicide attempt, multiple hospitalizations, and an incarceration lasting 5 months. The aforementioned awakening came about after additional soul-searching and biblical research (in the parts of the bible they didn't talk about in school) and led me to believe that as a virgin I was very possibly one of 'Christ's' 'elect.' I won't be able to detail all the intricacies surrounding this theory, but I will say I have a strong moral compass and commitment to veganism, and I can scarcely imagine many more qualified individuals than myself for the role of virgin-4-jesus - not only after a lifetime of introspection, but taking into consideration my own ancestry which is partly jewish - it just seemed a very hopeful concept when I took the time to read and reread the scriptures preaching chastity, wisdom, fasting, all of which were congruent to my lifestyle. I held on to this identity through my mid-twenties and despite the ups and downs it remained reconcilable. My perception of 'God' did revert to that of a predator however, as I perceived there to be little further explanation for my suffering, (which is constant and I have not mentioned the multiple traumatic events of my childhood which made things this way, but ain't nobody got time for that) and I started looking for an easy way out again. The 5 months in jail was the last straw. Since that experience my life experience overall has been as though my spiritual equity is not honored by the universe, and in spite of my unique story there is no actual purpose to my being. At least not in this waking consciousness where all my thoughts concerning love or god are furious, indignant, and vengeful. I would no longer identify as anything besides a misotheist. As such I have a recurrent, insatiable itch to confront and defeat tptb, whether that is 'god' or his wicked subordinates. It unfortunately makes sense to me why a portion of America's youth turn to groups like ISIS, and how some of the most oppressed people in this world long-suffering innocents such as my sister and I, and others most likely to comprise the 'bride' of Christ. If that's still a thing, who knows? But finally I wanted to include these clips (from one of my favorite shows) that so cleanly express my feeling about the human condition and what it means for people like me to continue fighting every day. http://southpark.cc.com/clips/188248/wendy-to-the-principals-office-please#source=473fef35-48a7-434c-afc6-207874c7f1a3:0696daf8-ed01-11e0-aca6-0026b9414f30&position=10&sort=playlist http://southpark.cc.com/clips/188249/fight-the-cancer#source=473fef35-48a7-434c-afc6-207874c7f1a3%3A0696daf8-ed01-11e0-aca6-0026b9414f30&position=11&sort=playlist&autoPlay=true I expect that this post will complement my efforts in pursuing my goal and I will feel better for it. Happy Holidays lol 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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