Blackleo85 Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 Before I get into my story, I just want to send a warm hug to all of you brave and wonderful people here. I consider you all dear friends who have been through much to leave Christianity. I have been reading a few stories today and my heart goes out to you. Yes, that is me. I am the 2nd oldest of 7 kids. My name is Jonathan and I have 5 sisters and one brother. As of this writing I am 33 years old. My childhood is a mixed bag. I do have early memories of being close to my siblings and playing games and just being normal kids who played and were human. Those were when I was like 5 or 6. All of us were homewchooled by our mom, and as the years passed and more kids were born, gradually mom found teachers who tought other homeschoolers. My siblings have only ever known the church for social interaction and friendships. From the time we were little kids to even today, church is their entire social life and all they know. Our parents started the religious indoctrination early, they had us reading the bible and going to AWANA as kids, memorizing verses, singing Christian songs and so on. I just went along with it without ever really believing in it despite hundreds of times being pressured by friends and family to accept Jesus as my savior. I just never felt anything, and I sure never felt safe from hell. I played along tho, raising my hands and closing my eyes during worship at church and saying all the christian things. Several times during childhood and when I was a teen, after "getting saved" again my parents showed me a love I longed for, but I had to act as a Christian to get it. My siblings lost who they were to become the Christian my parents forced on them, and I am still angry about that. I have lost all real connections with my siblings they only care about their religion and winning souls to Christ....I do wonder who they could have been if they had been able to be themselves. I kept my personality intact, but it came at a high price. I was abused daily for almost a decade by my dad, in the form of verbal and physical abuse. Spankings which left my ass bruised and bleeding, and he would beat me for half an hour or more at a time after he got home from work. He would then lecture me for another hour and that was telling me how ashamed of me he was, what a sinful son I was, how God was upset I wont just obey my parents...etc...then he would end it all by telling me he loved me and he would want a fucking hug. As I become a teenager I cared less and less about church and God and more about drinking, sex and exploring what else was outside of Christianity. That was just the opposite of my siblings by this point were strongly glued to church and had only church friends. I always felt like a fraud in church acting like I was saved, and I was glad to join the Navy and leave so I didnt have to keep pretending. Its been 10 years since I was in the military and I havent been to church much since. I see myself as apatheist now, i want to focus on forming relationships with the people around me, not on imaginary shit that sounds nice but there is no evidence for. I am the only one in my family who has anything but 100% interest in evangelical Christianity. I have 0% interest and its very lonely for me especially since I am single and dont have my own family. I just want to buy a bunch of land and live on it, thats what I am working towards now. I am a seeker so I am not closed off to spiritual experiences. I have been researching Gnostic Christianity and in my view, its likely the correct version of what happened and the Christian bible is a collection of lies. As I have no way to know either way I spend most of my energy on my life and making friends. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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