Considering going back to church to get help with material resources.

[skysoar15]

Hey y'all, it's been a little over a year since I've joined here.

 

It's been good in many ways, but also batshit hard.

 

I moved to a new city to start grad school a few months ago. I've been battling heavy depression and have generally felt very alone. 

 

Driving a car is one of the life skills I've always had problems with. When living with family, I failed my test four separate times and never felt comfortable practicing with mom because of the anxiety I feel around her. (Her religiousity and tendency to judge makes it hard for me to be around her).

 

While out here, I've been biking a lot, but after recently experiencing a flat, I've gotten so fed up with it all.

 

I have my permit, but I dont want to risk getting another friend's car into an accident again. (Happened two years ago)

 

And I want no help from family. I need to get some other sort of help to at least conquer getting my license. 

 

I'm tired of settling for less because I dont have a vehicle, but since I left my church fellowship behind, I havent had ANY reliable resources to help me.

 

I'm even considering using my credit card to pay for physical driving practice at a school, even though Im trying to pay it off.

 

At this point, Im considering finding some church fellowship just for the sake of receving some help. I acknowledge this is my own fault. I should have taken more initiative in the past about driving. 

 

I can't be at the mercy of people anymore. If I have to stomach church again for the sake of getting generous 'hand up' help, Im willing to do it.

 

Any thoughts on this? 

The Christian fellowship (bad as they are) at least are willing to bend over backwards for people if they find it advantageous toward them.

 

The bus routes are far away.

My bike can only take me so far. I may not be able to get a car right away, but I need to get practice behind a vehicle. 

[older]

Sky:

 

It sounds to me like you're feeling alone and depressed and that the car thing is a peripheral issue. But you know what will happen if you go to a church. You wrote, "I can't be at the mercy of people anymore." If you go to a church they will start in on saving you and eventually they'll be manipulating you.

 

You need to get your self confidence up. If you are in grad school, there are many resources on campus. Start with the counseling center. I can vouch for this from personal experience. And check out the hundreds of social groups on your campus that are not connected to a religion. Once you get your confidence up the license thing will be a pushover.

 

When I went to the uni counseling center I ended up in a group called "assertion training." I recommend the concept highly.

[twosummerdays]

Yes just as Older noted, schools often have a lot of resources that offers help to their students. with respect to the getting-a--driver's-licence issue,  talk to a counselor and they may even be able to refer you to some driving school with student discount, or someone who can help you make financial plans so that you can accommodate a driving school into your budget.  (not necessarily available, but why not give it a try?)

 

Besides, most secular universities -- if that's one that you are attending -- might have chaplain services across many religions and spiritual believes. Among them might be secular humanism, or other spiritual forms that you won't felt bothered to give a try.

[offtheromanroad]

Der Sky,

 

I think I've been there!

I failed my driving test more times than you did,  but finally got my license after some time and now enjoy driving.

 

I strongly support older's and twosummerdays' contributions, but not only because I think that you shouldn't put yourself through religious crap just because you're an insecure driver. There's another reason that you already mentioned and that I can relate to VERY well: driving alongside people I know (family, friends, acquaintances) made and still makes me nervous like hell. I always feel like I have to show them I am not a bad driver. It's not even about them, it's about me.

 

Way back when, I found an instructor whom I told my whole story (i. e. that I had failed the practical test several (!) times). The moment I realized he didn't judge me and just said "I think we can do this", I signed up for practise with him. I succeeded the first practical test I took with him after some time and FINALLY got my license. The key factor for me was that he did not judge me, nor did he laugh at me, he gave me some self-confidence instead and didn't make a big deal about it all. It helped a lot that he was, let's say, an "uninvolved third person".

 

Give yourself some time, and once you aren't as upset about your "perceived" absent skills anymore, you could find yourself a good instructor. This will also give you time to save some money to use for the purpose.

 

I still don't LOVE to drive, but I enjoy it, all the more when I'm driving alone.  I've had a minor accident lately, but made myself go back on the road, and am doing okay.

 

I know that you already have your license, but think some practise will probably help you a lot. Finding a third, uninvolved professional might help you, too.

 

A short term solution could be to participate in a safety training session in case this is something on offer in your country.

 

You can do this! Give yourself some time.

 

All the best!

 

OTRR

 

P.S. In order to not put pressure on myself, I didn't tell people I was trying again...