The holidays and how my parents visit went.

[Insightful]

On 1/9/2019 at 1:26 PM, TruthSeeker0 said:

it's like they grieve your death when you're standing right in front of them

 

TRUTH!  My wife did this for awhile!

[TruthSeeker0]

15 hours ago, DanForsman said:

 I don’t have ideas specific to countering the hurt feelings but I do believe you can greatly lessen the conflict by refusing to get into the debate they may push for. You don’t owe it to your parents or anyone else to explain why you believe what you believe. It is absolutely enough to just simply get the point across that you believe you have made a thoughtful decision and that you need them to understand that even though they don’t approve it is your final decision (barring some brand new overwhelming irrefutable evidence). If you just stick with this every time the topic comes to why you can save yourself and your parents a lot of aggravating fruitless debate/confrontation. Very very few Christians would alow themselves to consider any point that contradicts their beliefs irregardless of how persuasive they may actually be. With so many emotional undercurrents no actual debate of the facts will likely ever take place. If you won’t allow yourself to get sucked into a debate they will quickly burn themselves out.

What my therapist told me was become the broken record, and every time it pops up again, become that broken record. So essentially what I do if I get any inquiries about religion is I say "the topic is closed, I have made my wishes known, and stated that religion will not be talked about, and that you need to respect my privacy. Next."  (another sad side effect of airing your beliefs is having them spread like wildfire throughout your ex church, at least in my case).

[mrspearl]

You have to be so proud of yourself for setting the boundaries you need with your parents.  I can totally relate with you.  I live in a different state from mine and see them maybe twice a year, which is perfect.  If they ever moved near me, we would have to have some difficult conversations.  They are in their 70's and my dad is in poor health.  I've resigned to never having a real relationship with them, which does make me sad.  I'm at a point of setting boundaries with them to take care of my mental health.  For example, I planned a short visit Easter weekend because I have a couple of days off work.  I will spend Sunday with my brother, who lives near them, because I'm not going to church.  Baby steps for me.