daydreamer26 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Hi all, It's nice to meet you. I've accepted that I'm an ex-christian. I grew up catholic, than baptist, and settled on charismatic pentecostal. I've been heavily involved in the pentecostal church for a few years (my home church is inspired by bethel (what a cult that is), hillsong, ihop, etc) and was super into the idea of the gifts of the holy spirit (prophecy, speaking in tongues, miraculous healing) and being constantly in tune with it. The bible was my foundation and I believed every wild story guest preachers (who also labeled themselves as prophets) as well as their visions of how to basically force the world to believe in jesus. I believed the devil was at fault for all the bad in the world. I was basically drinking the kool aid. However, at the same time I've had doubts, especially about the bible and it's validity. My pastor would always say that the bible never contradicts itself but every time I'd read it and analyze it, there were contradictions for days. I also questioned the prophecies made by guest preachers and members of the church. I even questioned my own. Was god really talking to us? Another issue was that barely any of my prayers were answered and almost none of what had been prophesied over me had come to past. I also realized that those "sins" I were struggling were really parts of my identity that I was repressing, particularly my sexuality. But what really broke the straw on the camel's back was when I lost my job in NY and had to move back in with my parents. God just wasn't really there. I devoted my life to him and I was right back to square one. So I slowly began to deconstruct my faith and removed myself from evangelism and fundamentalism. I began to take interest in witchcraft and learned that everything the church told me about it was complete bullshit. Since practicing the craft, I've been doing much better and I enjoy it. Throughout all these things, I tried to make it work with my christian faith but I've come to realize that it's just not for me anymore. I've pretty much let go of god and jesus and the bible. I like to think that the holy spirit is a divine being, something different but that's just me. Anyway I'm basically just starting my journey as an ex-christian and though I feel free, I'm also grieving from the loss. Thank you for listening to my story. I talk more about it on my blog, where I also post my creative writing: www.writersburlesque.wordpress.com 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insightful Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Hi and welcome! Thanks for sharing your story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 2 hours ago, daydreamer26 said: Hi all, It's nice to meet you. I've accepted that I'm an ex-christian. I grew up catholic, than baptist, and settled on charismatic pentecostal. I've been heavily involved in the pentecostal church for a few years (my home church is inspired by bethel (what a cult that is), hillsong, ihop, etc) and was super into the idea of the gifts of the holy spirit (prophecy, speaking in tongues, miraculous healing) and being constantly in tune with it. The bible was my foundation and I believed every wild story guest preachers (who also labeled themselves as prophets) as well as their visions of how to basically force the world to believe in jesus. I believed the devil was at fault for all the bad in the world. I was basically drinking the kool aid. However, at the same time I've had doubts, especially about the bible and it's validity. My pastor would always say that the bible never contradicts itself but every time I'd read it and analyze it, there were contradictions for days. I also questioned the prophecies made by guest preachers and members of the church. I even questioned my own. Was god really talking to us? Another issue was that barely any of my prayers were answered and almost none of what had been prophesied over me had come to past. I also realized that those "sins" I were struggling were really parts of my identity that I was repressing, particularly my sexuality. But what really broke the straw on the camel's back was when I lost my job in NY and had to move back in with my parents. God just wasn't really there. I devoted my life to him and I was right back to square one. So I slowly began to deconstruct my faith and removed myself from evangelism and fundamentalism. I began to take interest in witchcraft and learned that everything the church told me about it was complete bullshit. Since practicing the craft, I've been doing much better and I enjoy it. Throughout all these things, I tried to make it work with my christian faith but I've come to realize that it's just not for me anymore. I've pretty much let go of god and jesus and the bible. I like to think that the holy spirit is a divine being, something different but that's just me. Anyway I'm basically just starting my journey as an ex-christian and though I feel free, I'm also grieving from the loss. Thank you for listening to my story. I talk more about it on my blog, where I also post my creative writing: www.writersburlesque.wordpress.com Welcome. Ex-Pentecostal here. And now lazy chaos mage. The nice thing about paganism is it doesnt come with evangelism....or any rules, necessarily. I like that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHO Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Welcome to Ex-C, @daydreamer26. Congratulations on finding you way out of the mind control. - MOHO (Mind Of His Own) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Congrats on shedding your indoctrinated beliefs and disconnecting from the crazies. The intellectual journey out of religion is often long and sometimes treacherous but, in the end, the freedom gained from religion is more that worth the trials of the journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverHealed52Years Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 4 hours ago, daydreamer26 said: I began to take interest in witchcraft and learned that everything the church told me about it was complete bullshit. Since practicing the craft, I've been doing much better and I enjoy it. I am just starting to take a look at Wicca, MagicK and the possibility that the trinity did all they are going to do (IF they even exist) and as some believe that we are able to heal ourselves; we just don't yet know how to trigger that power that we already have inside us. S0, after saying all that, my question is, does the statement "Since practicing the craft, I've been doing much better" include your physical health? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daydreamer26 Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 22 hours ago, Insightful said: Hi and welcome! Thanks for sharing your story Thank you :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daydreamer26 Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 20 hours ago, MOHO said: Welcome to Ex-C, @daydreamer26. Congratulations on finding you way out of the mind control. - MOHO (Mind Of His Own) Thank you, it feels great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daydreamer26 Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 19 hours ago, Geezer said: Congrats on shedding your indoctrinated beliefs and disconnecting from the crazies. The intellectual journey out of religion is often long and sometimes treacherous but, in the end, the freedom gained from religion is more that worth the trials of the journey. That's very encouraging, thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daydreamer26 Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 1 minute ago, daydreamer26 said: That's very encouraging, thank you I'm free from religion though, I don't care for it really Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daydreamer26 Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 19 hours ago, Geezer said: Congrats on shedding your indoctrinated beliefs and disconnecting from the crazies. The intellectual journey out of religion is often long and sometimes treacherous but, in the end, the freedom gained from religion is more that worth the trials of the journey. I'm free from religion though, I don't care for it really Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daydreamer26 Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 18 hours ago, NeverHealed52Years said: I am just starting to take a look at Wicca, MagicK and the possibility that the trinity did all they are going to do (IF they even exist) and as some believe that we are able to heal ourselves; we just don't yet know how to trigger that power that we already have inside us. S0, after saying all that, my question is, does the statement "Since practicing the craft, I've been doing much better" include your physical health? Yeah, my physical health is doing good as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruthSeeker0 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Hello and welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Joshpantera Posted January 11, 2019 Moderator Share Posted January 11, 2019 Welcome aboard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Welcome to the party Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ DestinyTurtle ◊ Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 On 1/10/2019 at 2:17 PM, daydreamer26 said: However, at the same time I've had doubts, especially about the bible and it's validity. My pastor would always say that the bible never contradicts itself but every time I'd read it and analyze it, there were contradictions for days. I also questioned the prophecies made by guest preachers and members of the church. It sounds like you have this terminal condition called 'having critical thinking skills' xD! Welcome to X-Xian, and I hope we here can assure you that you're on the right path! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RealityCheck Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Greetings and welcome. You've started walking the path from Christianity and towards mental freedom. This route isn't straight but rather meanders around, forks off into dead ends, and you might have to backtrack. I can understand all the struggles that you are going through, I also understand the sense of loss. Even now I sometimes miss that church community and the positive (if few) aspects of the faith. However, revisiting my writings from the time and my mindset as a believer quickly dispels such feelings. I also always enjoy reading through people's blogs, every post is a paint stroke that creates an image of who they are. I think I will read yours when I get off work. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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