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PurpleLilac

I still exist and I’m still me. (Other people’s grief)

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We went to my inlaws yesterday for a birthday dinner and there was this odd feeling,careful pauses and rewording...the feeling that my inlaws think I’m someone else. That their one and only daughter in law of many years has been kidnapped and replaced by someone they don’t quite know. 

I’m wondering when I can expect this sort of thing to lift. For reality to make its way into their consciousness that I’m still me. 

Church this morning was similar. Some people look down and don’t acknowledge me at all. Because I asked to be taken off the children’s ministry team. Because I’m not always at church anymore and I am there,I often leave midway through the sermon. 

Invisble apostasy I suppose because stoning me is no longer in vogue. 

 

 

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I suppose that even at church things will normalize to an extent but fundamental churches don’t really function in a way that allows for contrary views so I suspect the problems will keep reoccurring. In your family however there are multiple purposes for interaction that have nothing to do with religious beliefs. Once your family knows what to expect of you and learns that you are not a threat to them I think things have a good chance of reaching a much more comfortable level for everyone. As long as you are relatively consistent they will figure out what is ok to say and do around you and that will become comfortable and familiar to everyone as time passes without major blow ups. They will eventually confine most of the Jesus talk to times when you aren’t around. I think it can work.

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6 hours ago, PurpleLilac said:

We went to my inlaws yesterday for a birthday dinner and there was this odd feeling,careful pauses and rewording...the feeling that my inlaws think I’m someone else. That their one and only daughter in law of many years has been kidnapped and replaced by someone they don’t quite know. 

I’m wondering when I can expect this sort of thing to lift. For reality to make its way into their consciousness that I’m still me. 

Church this morning was similar. Some people look down and don’t acknowledge me at all. Because I asked to be taken off the children’s ministry team. Because I’m not always at church anymore and I am there,I often leave midway through the sermon. 

Invisble apostasy I suppose because stoning me is no longer in vogue. 

 

 

OK, Girlfriend. Time to pull up those big-girl bootstraps and stomp around a little bit. :woohoo: (only by yourself for now!! Lol) Get ready cause you are one that is going to help

and change this crazy, insane world. Here is a letter I wrote to all the young people. I hope this encourages you because you are a minority right now....... and a minority is hard

when the majority of people are followers, not leaders. I want you to become a leader. I am too old and tired for the job. You young ones got to do it!! Just read it and take what you

can out of it for now. Big (hug) cause I know it's hard. 

 

 

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Thanks,Margee! I have always valued the older,btdt voices in my life and now there are ridiculously few older voices I’m willing to take advice from. 

 

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It is far worse to have been a true believer and fall away than it is to have never believed at all. I am sure there are people at your church who just go most Sundays, though somewhat inconsistently, are the last to show up, the first to leave and never take part in any dinners or events that are treated with more respect than you are right now. Because that is the baseline they have set. One's whose alters are made of straw and will be saved but only as ones escaping through the flames. You, however, represent something more. Something serious. And to lose you is not the same as those others who are just weak believers. To lose you indicates that something could be fundamentally broken in other true believers too. 

 

But, of course, that can't be. Obviously the devil has tricked you. There could be no other explanation. Or at least, any other explanation are the devil's lies. 

 

As to when they will stop looking upon you with judgement and pity... :( There's no assurance they ever will.  

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My advice...stay away from the church. By going back you are still torturing yourself with the lies and the evil that is religion. You must rid your life of it to be happy. Not to say that you cannot associate with religious people...just do it on your terms, not the church's.

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4 hours ago, Dexter said:

It is far worse to have been a true believer and fall away than it is to have never believed at all. I am sure there are people at your church who just go most Sundays, though somewhat inconsistently, are the last to show up, the first to leave and never take part in any dinners or events that are treated with more respect than you are right now. Because that is the baseline they have set. One's whose alters are made of straw and will be saved but only as ones escaping through the flames. You, however, represent something more. Something serious. And to lose you is not the same as those others who are just weak believers. To lose you indicates that something could be fundamentally broken in other true believers too. 

 

But, of course, that can't be. Obviously the devil has tricked you. There could be no other explanation. Or at least, any other explanation are the devil's lies. 

 

As to when they will stop looking upon you with judgement and pity... :( There's no assurance they ever will.  

This is heavy duty. But helpful. I think you’re right. I was a “true believer”. The real McCoy. It must be deeply unsettling to see the fact that someone can walk away. Change their mind. Reject it all. 

I will take comfort in this the next time I see them. I can be me and let them be unsettled. And maybe think a little bit.

i know my husband is facing the reality that I’m much much happier now. That our marriage is closer. My kids are happier because Im not depressed. The facts deeply matter. 

 

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1 hour ago, Derek said:

My advice...stay away from the church. By going back you are still torturing yourself with the lies and the evil that is religion. You must rid your life of it to be happy. Not to say that you cannot associate with religious people...just do it on your terms, not the church's.

I am so ready to never walk in those doors again. But I love my husband and it’s a slow slow ripping of the bandaid. I go most Sundays with him. He knows I can only handle so much. Our family is our shared number one priority and it’s a delicate dance on Sundays. 

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@PurpleLilac

 

Hey Purple,

 

I was petrified telling Mrs. MOHO - less so the second time around - about my enlightenment. The first time around I braced for divorce. Never happened.

 

The second time around I was anticipating a loveless marriage with fights and stink-eye looks from her and her hard-core fundy son. Not happening. Although, her son did ask me if I had a problem with xmass too last month. This was an all to easy segway into my response: "No. Because most of the rituals, including the date, barrow from a myriad of other religions - including Paganism".  Now that,  young lady, was worth the price of admission! May as well have some fun with it. :jesus:

 

Anyway, some folks will loosen up completely and others will arrive at a somewhat more comfortable place. It's on THEM...not YOU! You are right. They are wrong. Your husband isn't going anywhere otherwise he would have done so by now.

 

Besides they are probably more afraid and/or uncomfortable than you. 

 

OH, before I go, @Derek gave some good advise. Stay away from church. This just gives the fundies, fams, and fundyfams the impression that they can drag you back into the fold. Since I quit going almost a year ago I have been, mostly, left alone. 

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