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Bug

Goodbyes are different now.

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Great post, Bug!  Sounds like you've come a long way.

 

I love that you can see and love the "human" behind the faith. That's why I still love my still-Christian friends - I love their humanity which is why we became friends in the first place...

 

I echo your disdain for pastors who hijack funerals to preach biblical stuff while completely wasting the opportunity to truly honor the person's life.  I experienced this at my dad's funeral.  Thank goodness military cemeteries only give you about 30 min for the whole service so the pastor only got 10 min!

 

All the best to you.

 

 

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@bug,

 

It takes a lot of courage and character to overcome tendency to dwell on what the doctrine did to us over the years and focus on love and the good even the chrities do.

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8 hours ago, Insightful said:

I echo your disdain for pastors who hijack funerals to preach biblical stuff while completely wasting the opportunity to truly honor the person's life.  I experienced this at my dad's funeral.  Thank goodness military cemeteries only give you about 30 min for the whole service so the pastor only got 10 min!

 

If it hadn't been my Granny's funeral, it would have been comical to me. He literally worked himself into a sweat and said that we didn't need to worry because she wouldn't be in the ground long. "It's gonna be downright spooky when the rapture happens and people are driving by this cemetery. There will be twisted up metal and concrete from the Earth breaking!" Yeeeah, it's worth mentioning that my Granny didn't even believe that's how the rapture would work. 

 

I remember feeling so bad about it after leaving and my partner was speechless because he had never even been to a funeral, let alone a Christian one. Thankfully, my Atheist friend from High school managed to escape the crowd of otherwise Christian mourners and find me at my car. He said "So sorry for your loss, but that bit about the concrete breaking and that dude using the word spooky in a graveyard during a funeral was really something...." I couldn't help but laugh. And I know it's incredibly dark and inappropriate (and we would never say this to anyone else that wasn't in on the joke), but my partner and I occasionally tell each other to be careful when walking on sidewalks or passing cemeteries now... You never know when the Earth is going to burst wide open to allow everyone's great escape, but it sounds messy and spooky.  

 

 

12 minutes ago, MOHO said:

It takes a lot of courage and character to overcome tendency to dwell on what the doctrine did to us over the years and focus on love and the good even the chrities do.

 

Yes, I keep reminding myself that everything is just going to take time. I'm also hoping that when I go on my next awkward visit to see my family, we'll all find a way to just be together as our genuine selves. That might take a lot more phone calls and visits to achieve though.

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On 1/23/2019 at 1:41 AM, Bug said:

Then one day I had a groundbreaking thought: My Granny's faith didn't matter in the way I originally thought it did. When I removed faith in God from the equation I realized she was still a strong, loving, patient woman who adored her family and did what she believed was best in her time on Earth. She laughed hard, helped anyone she could, and loved me more than words can describe.  She cooked amazing fried chicken, could grow anything in her garden, and had an excellent sense of humor. She was still my Granny and I will always remember her fondly and strive to be even a tenth of the woman she was.  

 
I realized that all I want out of life is freedom, truth, and love. When I spend time with my loved ones, especially that pesky Atheist partner, I simply don't need God to be happy anymore. In letting go of God, I have gained so much more than I ever could have imagined. I get to share my life with people who love me for who I am and vice versa. I can look forward to constantly learning new information, growing, and changing my mind. I can help others solely because I feel it is the right thing to do. 

 

 

Yes! Wonderfully stated! We live on, not as spirits, but because people remember us, and because of the things we pass on. Our descendants look and sound like us, and may even have the same mannerisms and values, so even generations who never knew a person can still be affected by them. I'm trying to make memories for my grandchildren, not so that I can be "respected" after I'm gone, but so that hopefully their entire lives will be richer for my having been there.

 

Glad to have you aboard, Bug!

 

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Thank you so much for sharing this, @Bug! I really appreciated it. Reading it helps put into perspective and help me cope with complex family-related feelings in my own life as well!

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Beautiful and wonderful! Thanks so much for sharing!

 

I to lost my granny just 5 months after my deconversion. It wasn't easy, but i think being an atheist helped me get through that better than if I was still a Christian. 

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On 1/25/2019 at 3:00 PM, Lerk said:

 

Yes! Wonderfully stated! We live on, not as spirits, but because people remember us, and because of the things we pass on. Our descendants look and sound like us, and may even have the same mannerisms and values, so even generations who never knew a person can still be affected by them. I'm trying to make memories for my grandchildren, not so that I can be "respected" after I'm gone, but so that hopefully their entire lives will be richer for my having been there.

 

Glad to have you aboard, Bug!

 

 

Glad to be here! Memories have always been special to me, but they've become even more significant since I gave up Christianity. I think it's a good and natural desire to enrich the lives of those around us, especially our loved ones. Faith was a big part of my Granny's story, but it won't take away anything else she left me with either. I actually believe that, out of all the great traits she had, her patience is something I will cherish the most. 

 

On 1/25/2019 at 5:31 PM, DestinyTurtle said:

Thank you so much for sharing this, @Bug! I really appreciated it. Reading it helps put into perspective and help me cope with complex family-related feelings in my own life as well!

 

I'm glad it could help in some way! Family feelings can be the most complex of all. 

 

On 1/25/2019 at 6:40 PM, Justin said:

Beautiful and wonderful! Thanks so much for sharing!

 

I to lost my granny just 5 months after my deconversion. It wasn't easy, but i think being an atheist helped me get through that better than if I was still a Christian. 

 

It's really interesting how that can be the case. I think if I were still Christian I would be having a more difficult time too. My Christian family members are having a lot of trouble right now because, in addition to this major loss, they now feel the need to indoctrinate themselves even more. They're all really struggling in an attempt to gain this same faith they also witnessed in my Granny, which is exactly what I would be doing as well had I not ever been courageous enough to question anything. 

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On 1/25/2019 at 3:00 PM, Lerk said:

 

Yes! Wonderfully stated! We live on, not as spirits, but because people remember us, and because of the things we pass on. Our descendants look and sound like us, and may even have the same mannerisms and values, so even generations who never knew a person can still be affected by them. I'm trying to make memories for my grandchildren, not so that I can be "respected" after I'm gone, but so that hopefully their entire lives will be richer for my having been there.

 

Glad to have you aboard, Bug!

 

Yes! I really love these sentiments and hope to pass on the same sort of ideals. 

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Beautiful testimony @Bug I thoroughly enjoyed reading about your deconversion and about the great woman your grandmother was. It’s refreshing to see the  new outlook you now have on life. The feelings from the indoctrination will slowly fade. I still have a relapse of “feelings” from time to time. But that’s to be expected. 

 

Welcome to ExC! 

 

DB

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