mrspearl

Recovering Preacher's Kid

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Hi,

I just discovered this page and am excited to dig into the articles and posts.  I would love to connect with others who have a similar background to mine.  I grew up as an Assemblies of God preacher's daughter in a small town in East Texas in the 70's.  East Texas is a religious culture all it's own and being a preacher's daughter in a Pentecostal religion took it up a couple of notches.  I played by the rules and made my parents happy until I could no longer endure my abusive marriage at 27 years old.  I got divorced, which put me in a class below where I already was as a female.  I still continued to stay in the church even though I always felt like a second class Christian because of being divorced.  At 43, I found myself wanting out of marriage number 3 and was treated horribly by the church where I served as the worship leader.  That was the last straw.  I couldn't take it anymore, but the church world was all I knew.  I tried going to different churches after that and found out I just couldn't tolerate it anymore.  That has been about 15 years ago.  I recently stumbled upon the book "Leaving the Fold" by Marlene Windell and realized why I was screwed up.  I am now in the process of trying to heal from a lifetime of religious abuse.  I am currently trying to find a place where I can relate with my parents and still take care of myself.  They are still deeply religious and concerned about me because I no longer go to church.  My mom says things constantly that are triggers for me like the churchy phraseology they use.  I would love to hear others' experiences with family relationships.   

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I was also Assemblies of gawd.  Couldn't be ordained because I was divorced.  Read my extimony here (it is long):

 

 

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Hey, welcome to the site! I hope that you can find what you need, here.

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Welcome! We all have similar stories, with the exit from religion. Dealing with family can be one of the toughest things about leaving. The best route for me has been being kind and firm with them about boundaries and agreeing not to discuss anything relating to religion. Winell's book is excellent, it really helped me understand exactly what was going on in my head and how I could deal with things. Glad to have you here! 

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Not Assemblies of God, but my parents were both pastors.

Welcome to ExC!

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Welcome, many of us have been there and done that, so we understand what you’re going through. I’m certain you will find this site helpful and informative. 

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Welcome! I wasn't AoG, but I'm East (or Southeast) Texas! Not sure where the dividing line is. I was raised in Port Arthur (Southeast), but my wife is from Vidor (10 miles away, but probably considered "East"). Yes, that Vidor.

 

Glad you escaped both the AoG and Texas!

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Welcome to X-Xian,  @mrspearl! I hope this website helps! Although my circumstances are different than yours I certainly struggled with recovering from abuse from a cultish family. It's super courageous to distance yourself from all the abuse despite the tidal wave of societal judgement! 

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Welcome mrspearl. Earlier this month PurpleLilac reported on this topic of relating to a fundamentalist christian family after deconversion. She described an extended visit over the holidays here:

(I don't know where that dark grey/blue highlighted part came from?) Hopefully you will find both the post and the responses of interest. This topic comes up fairly often because it is a difficult problem and  the church more or less has an expectation that exchristians are to be reconverted by the family members who remain. That can get tiresome so consider setting some ground rules about repeated questioning of your decision to live without christianity. I think very often it is possible to have a meaningful loving relationship if both parties are respectful of one another.

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Hi and welcome, Mrspearl. I wasn't a preachers kid, but I grew up pentecostal all the same. Up here in the Great white north it's the "pentecostal assemblies of Canada" or PAOC. It's probably the same fucked up nonsense as the AOG down there. We all have some similarities in our backgrounds here, and a few differences, but everyone is very supportive of each other. Feel free to read my story it the "testimonies" forum, entitled "just saying hey".

 

Edit: my blackberry can't find the words "fucked" or "pentecostal" in its dictionary. Go figure...maybe they both mean the same thing. :D

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Welcome to Ex-C @mrspearl!

 

Glad you found your way out of the cult-think. 

 

I was raised LDS and converted to Jesus Freakdum 20 years ago when I met Mrs. MOHO. I deconverted 2~3 years ago (not sure of the exact date as it's a journey for most) after READING the Bible then reading Carrier, Hitchens, Dawkins, et al. 

 

This causes issues on the home front as both Mrs. MOHO and her son (adult - not living with us) use their funnymentalizm as a tool to coerce others to tow THEIR line. It's not so bad but certain things "trigger" me as well. Most things - meh - less and less as time goes by. The thing that still bugs me is they way the step son treats his family. Nothing bad enough to report to Child Services - just the religious mind-fuck. You know what I mean. "YOU must listen to ME because I got's JEEEEEEBUS!"

 

Anyway, good on 'ya for escaping. That takes courage and the willingness to think outside of the fold. Hope to hear more from you...

    -  MOHO  (Mind Of His Own)

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Welcome mrspearl!  I am glad you found this forum.

 

My suggestion.  I recommend a clean break.  If you haven't already done so, write a brief summary of why you left the Church.  Tell them you love and respect them, but with prayerful thought and study you came to a different conclusion about religion than they did.  You hope they will respect your decision, and will continue to love you.  

 

Read the statement to them.  Within reason, let them ask questions for clarification.  Then  refuse to discuss it any further. (Or something to that effect) Then hold to your refusal to listen to any further discussion on the topic.

 

 If you do this in a respectful manner, I predict they will eventually back off, and treat you decently.  At least my parents did.  Months later my mother actually told me she had had questions herself about the doctrine in years past, but decided it was better to be safe than sorry, and stuck with the Church.  

 

BEST WISHES!

 

You can also find my story in the testimony section.  By writing a statement to your parents, perhaps it will become your testimony.  Mine did.  Oh yes, unless you can do so without much anxiety, refuse to go to church with them any more. That would encourage them.

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Hello mrspearl -

 

Glad to have you.  I spent a few years in the AoG from age 9-13.  I struggled with feeling guilty that I couldn't speak in tongues.  They really make you feel like a loser for that!

 

I'm happy to know that you are seeing the world more clearly now.

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Welcome, mrspearl, and glad you found us. Wishing you all the best as you discover these forums.

I can relate insofar as I always felt like women were second class citizens in church. No more submission! More power to us! ♀️

I am looking forward to hearing more from you.

OTRR

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@buffettphan @SkipNChurch

 

Could one of you lovely mods remove @Christforums post above, and perhaps he needs a reminder to read our rules for Christians? No proselytizing or spouting Christian dogma outside of the lions den. Certainly not in a new members intro.

 

Thanks.

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2 hours ago, LogicalFallacy said:

@buffettphan @SkipNChurch

 

Could one of you lovely mods remove @Christforums post above, and perhaps he needs a reminder to read our rules for Christians? No proselytizing or spouting Christian dogma outside of the lions den. Certainly not in a new members intro.

 

Thanks.

Co-signed

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5 hours ago, Christforums said:

Theology matters.

 

Nope it don't. 

 

Reality matter.  Facts matter.

 

Theology is the greatest mindfuck ever invented by man.

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6 hours ago, Christforums said:

 

Feeling guilty because one does not speak in tongues? AOG is Pentecostal which are not known for proper theology. Speaking in tongues to prove salvation is like suggesting Jesus on the cross said to the thief on the cross, "if you speak in tongues today to show evidence of your faith you'll be with me in paradise".

 

Shame people judge God by the distortions of men. Let's follow man because mankind represents themselves so well!

 

Theology matters.

 

Fair warning. Thou shalt not proselytize in this forum.

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On 1/29/2019 at 2:22 PM, mrspearl said:

Hi

 

Well, hello! Welcome to our humble forum of misfits. You will find a lot of support and community here. Jump in and engage with us, I always look forward to reading new insights. 

 

I was born and raised Presbyterian/non-denom, my dad was an elder at my small church of around 100 or so. I was private christian schooled K-3rd, homeschooled from 4th grade - 12th, went to a small Presbyterian college....yeah, the things I was taught are taking time to heal for sure, but it gets so much better. Breathe easy, honey, you've found freedom.

 

7 hours ago, Christforums said:

 

Feeling guilty because one does not speak in tongues? AOG is Pentecostal which are not known for proper theology. Speaking in tongues to prove salvation is like suggesting Jesus on the cross said to the thief on the cross, "if you speak in tongues today to show evidence of your faith you'll be with me in paradise".

 

Shame people judge God by the distortions of men. Let's follow man because mankind represents themselves so well!

 

Theology matters.


Whoa. We were very respectful of your rules on your forum. You really need to watch it, especially if you're not even into evangelism. People introduce themselves here and have fresh traumas, this is very strictly against our rules and so blatantly disrespectful. I don't understand why you have this need to troll us anyway, don't you have other things to do?
 

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15 hours ago, ag_NO_stic said:

Breathe easy, honey, you've found freedom. 

 

This made my day, ag_NO_stic!

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7 hours ago, offtheromanroad said:

 

This made my day, ag_NO_stic!

 

❤️

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