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DevilsCabanaBoy

Just toughen up!

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That's it, your solution to me being afraid of a potentially harmful human being is to 

 

BLOODY FUCKING TOUGHEN UP

 

Please ex-christian members help me understand why some people respond that way. 

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Just now, TheRedneckProfessor said:

More context might be helpful.

Okay, like your telling someone how your afraid of someone, right? And they say "Aha, you just need to toughen up" 

 

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Not sure why, but a similar thing occurs with mental illness where people attempting to 'help' the mental ill person tell them to "pull their socks up" and other pointless unhelpful words of erhhmm… wisdom.

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28 minutes ago, DevilsCabanaBoy said:

That's it, your solution to me being afraid of a potentially harmful human being is to 

 

BLOODY FUCKING TOUGHEN UP

 

Please ex-christian members help me understand why some people respond that way. 

More context required. "Potentially harmful", in what way? Why are you afraid, possible physical violence, emotional abuse, another reason?

Also if you know another person might do you harm, and are afraid of them, I'd ignore any and all 'toughen up' comments and do what's best for me - avoiding or getting away from the threat altogether. You don't require any kind of validation or advice from another human to do what's best for you (that's how they can control you), just do what's best for you.

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Some people, myself included, are not very good with words, especially when it comes to offering comfort or advice.  "Toughen up" is a way of offering advice by someone who isn't very good at offering it.

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2 minutes ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

Some people, myself included, are not very good with words, especially when it comes to offering comfort or advice.  "Toughen up" is a way of offering advice by someone who isn't very good at offering it.

It's better to be left unsaid in that case, and "I don't know what to say, so I won't give advice" is the proper advice. This "toughen up" shit just makes some scenarios ten times worse (by piling guilt on people and making them feel inadequate, when they may have enough to handle as it is).

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11 minutes ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

It's better to be left unsaid in that case, and "I don't know what to say, so I won't give advice" is the proper advice. This "toughen up" shit just makes some scenarios ten times worse (by piling guilt on people and making them feel inadequate, when they may have enough to handle as it is).

I don't know what to say.  😎

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You've had people tell you toughen up when life gets hard or someone is pushing you around. It's like been told to shut up and deal with your own shit. 

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23 minutes ago, DevilsCabanaBoy said:

You've had people tell you toughen up when life gets hard or someone is pushing you around. It's like been told to shut up and deal with your own shit. 

Personally, I haven't, the types of people who tell me to toughen up with that meaning take the revolving door into my life and the revolving door right out of it as well. I've had enough of their kind and they're no longer welcome.

 

You're a guy though, so I'm guessing you could be dealing with some typical "don't talk about your shit" machismo. Which is never productive in the end anyhow, imo.

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1 hour ago, DevilsCabanaBoy said:

That's it, your solution to me being afraid of a potentially harmful human being is to 

 

BLOODY FUCKING TOUGHEN UP

 

Please ex-christian members help me understand why some people respond that way. 

 

I guess if we knew more details we could offer some better help. Off hand though, I dont think that knowing why your support team act like assholes will really help you that much.

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2 hours ago, DevilsCabanaBoy said:

That's it, your solution to me being afraid of a potentially harmful human being is to 

 

BLOODY FUCKING TOUGHEN UP

 

Please ex-christian members help me understand why some people respond that way. 

 

2 hours ago, DevilsCabanaBoy said:

Okay, like your telling someone how your afraid of someone, right? And they say "Aha, you just need to toughen up" 

 

 

52 minutes ago, DevilsCabanaBoy said:

You've had people tell you toughen up when life gets hard or someone is pushing you around. It's like been told to shut up and deal with your own shit. 

 

 

Communicating in writing is an acquired skill.  You have made three posts so far.  It appears you wonder why after stating you are afraid that someone else may cause you harm, some who listen to that complaint recommend that you "toughen up".

 

Do I have this right?

 

If I do, then my response is that I don't know why some of the listeners to your complaint would say that.  I simply do not have enough information to have any opinion about that.

 

Question:  What do the listeners who do not respond with "toughen up" say?  Based on your posts, I assume these other listeners do not say "toughen up" but say something else.  What do they say?

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1 hour ago, sdelsolray said:

 

 

 

 

Communicating in writing is an acquired skill.  You have made three posts so far.  It appears you wonder why after stating you are afraid that someone else may cause you harm, some who listen to that complaint recommend that you "toughen up".

 

Do I have this right?

 

If I do, then my response is that I don't know why some of the listeners to your complaint would say that.  I simply do not have enough information to have any opinion about that.

 

Question:  What do the listeners who do not respond with "toughen up" say?  Based on your posts, I assume these other listeners do not say "toughen up" but say something else.  What do they say?

Well anyone who's had the "Toughen up" Bomb dropped on them knows what I'm talking about. 

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1 hour ago, midniterider said:

 

I guess if we knew more details we could offer some better help. Off hand though, I dont think that knowing why your support team act like assholes will really help you that much.

Just some people in Australia have this toughen up attitude, like you have to be tough to survive this world. It makes me mad when friends drop the TU bomb on me when I'm talking about my vulnerabilities too them. 

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10 minutes ago, DevilsCabanaBoy said:

Just some people in Australia have this toughen up attitude, like you have to be tough to survive this world. It makes me mad when friends drop the TU bomb on me when I'm talking about my vulnerabilities too them. 

Which is exactly why I wouldn't be friends with them to begin with, they're the kind of fair weather 'I'll be your friend as long as I don't hear about your real shit in life' friends, and what does that say about them? Completely non supportive. I'd move on, upwards and onwards and all that, and if they want to know why, tell them it's because they can't deal with the shitty side of life in a realistic manner.

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1 hour ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

Which is exactly why I wouldn't be friends with them to begin with, they're the kind of fair weather 'I'll be your friend as long as I don't hear about your real shit in life' friends, and what does that say about them? Completely non supportive. I'd move on, upwards and onwards and all that, and if they want to know why, tell them it's because they can't deal with the shitty side of life in a realistic manner.

It's not Truthseeker, it's Truthsayer 😀

 

Even if a person is being overly paranoid or overreacting then a statement like harden up achieves nothing other than making them defensive and, at best, annoying them. The only time such a phrase could be used is if you hate the person and just want the conversation to end badly. 

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11 hours ago, Wertbag said:

It's not Truthseeker, it's Truthsayer 😀

 

Even if a person is being overly paranoid or overreacting then a statement like harden up achieves nothing other than making them defensive and, at best, annoying them. The only time such a phrase could be used is if you hate the person and just want the conversation to end badly. 

It took me a long time to get to where I am. Plenty of people walking over me and taking advantage of me. Years of frustration and resentment. But then a very good thing happened - I left the god delusion and the church, and grew up finally. So I'm just trying to tell people how it is -  leave these kinds of people instead of wasting your time with them.

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I have no idea what the specifics of the situation are. Sometimes toughening up is the right response. Sometimes that may not be an option. Damned if I know.

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18 hours ago, DevilsCabanaBoy said:

Well anyone who's had the "Toughen up" Bomb dropped on them knows what I'm talking about. 

 

You did not answer any of my questions.

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Just now, sdelsolray said:

 

You did not answer any of my questions.

Sorry sdelsolray, I am truly sorry. 

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15 minutes ago, DevilsCabanaBoy said:

Sorry sdelsolray, I am truly sorry. 

 

No need to be sorry.  I was curious about what others might have said.  Here are those the questions again, if you are inclined to answer them:

 

"Question:  What do the listeners who do not respond with "toughen up" say?  Based on your posts, I assume these other listeners do not say "toughen up" but say something else.  What do they say?"

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2 hours ago, sdelsolray said:

 

No need to be sorry.  I was curious about what others might have said.  Here are those the questions again, if you are inclined to answer them:

 

"Question:  What do the listeners who do not respond with "toughen up" say?  Based on your posts, I assume these other listeners do not say "toughen up" but say something else.  What do they say?"

Other listeners might empathise, or give me rational solutions to my concerns. 

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8 minutes ago, DevilsCabanaBoy said:

Other listeners might empathise, or give me rational solutions to my concerns. 

 

Perhaps you should pay attention to the other listeners who empathize or provide rational solutions to your concerns while ignoring the others who advise you to "toughen up".

 

Have you considered this approach?  If so, have you implemented any of the proposed rational solutions?  If so, how are they working out?

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1 minute ago, sdelsolray said:

 

Perhaps you should pay attention to the other listeners who empathize or provide rational solutions while ignoring the others who advise you to "toughen up".

 

Have you considered this approach?

I have, it's all good. 

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