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Jerry

What relationships have you lost?

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10 hours ago, ag_NO_stic said:

As soon as hell, sin, and "being saved because you otherwise deserve to burn" nonsense comes into the picture, they're gone and I REALLY don't want to have to do that

Well its all hypothetical for now anyway. My dad was a tyrant when I was little, but became a teddybear as a grandfather. Sometimes you can let your kids be the judge of what they can tolerate. Perhaps they will see grandpa's views as silly, rather than frightening. Hopefully, you'll never be faced with this dilemma.

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On 3/26/2019 at 9:18 AM, ag_NO_stic said:

 

I completely agree. I probably shouldn't have been surprised at all, I just still was! lol I guess I figured others would leave when they discovered a lie too....

Now that I've left I can appreciate how difficult it is, at least for the fundamentalists. You basically have to be willing to live with isolation from everyone you've known and start again. It's much easier for those of a more liberal strain of xtianity. 

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On 3/28/2019 at 8:20 AM, TruthSeeker0 said:

Now that I've left I can appreciate how difficult it is, at least for the fundamentalists. You basically have to be willing to live with isolation from everyone you've known and start again. It's much easier for those of a more liberal strain of xtianity. 

 

Out for a couple a three years and this remains a source of stress for me. All of Mrs. MOHO's friends are screaming funny mentalists and I am not at all social. I work, I gym, I play my guitars....and that's it. So I avoid the friends almost entirely and Mrs. MOHO as much as I can get away with. She's a fine partner but when she starts in with the Jesus Freak shit (daily) I just walk away. I want to be around that crap about as much as I want to hang around obviously mentally disturbed individuals. 

 

Now WHAT made me make THAT comparison?   :rolleyes:

 

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On 4/11/2019 at 4:24 PM, MOHO said:

 

Out for a couple a three years and this remains a source of stress for me. All of Mrs. MOHO's friends are screaming funny mentalists and I am not at all social. I work, I gym, I play my guitars....and that's it. So I avoid the friends almost entirely and Mrs. MOHO as much as I can get away with. She's a fine partner but when she starts in with the Jesus Freak shit (daily) I just walk away. I want to be around that crap about as much as I want to hang around obviously mentally disturbed individuals. 

 

Now WHAT made me make THAT comparison?   :rolleyes:

 

The Jesus Freak shit reaches a whole new level when combined with mental illness. I see and unfortunately have to live with it every day. 

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You know, to change the mood of this thread, I should ask the question.  What relationships have you GAINED due to the loss of your faith?  It's sometimes best to reflect on that.

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Off hand I can't think of any relationships I have galned.  But found out which ones were true friends.

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While I was in the church, I was constantly surrounded by grim-faced preacher-types who were always serious and never seemed happy. They were always so quick to call attention to any small mistake I made. I was a kid, for chrissake...I was supposed to make mistakes and do stupid stuff.

When I left the church, I found myself surrounded by fun people...these were people who didn't take themselves too seriously, and who showed more signs of true happiness and humility than any christian robot. I guess I'm trying to say that I gained some real friends and didn't really lose anything worth mourning :)

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On ‎4‎/‎13‎/‎2019 at 12:10 PM, RealityCheck said:

You know, to change the mood of this thread, I should ask the question.  What relationships have you GAINED due to the loss of your faith?  It's sometimes best to reflect on that.

 

Good point. Great point in fact.

 

As MOHO mentioned - all the friends we have made here. Sometimes we focus too much on what we have to lose rather than what we had to gain. And what is the greatest gain from leaving religion? Freedom!

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10 hours ago, MOHO said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I forgot anyone....that's the Alzheimer's setting in...:rolleyes:

Ok, we might accept that explanation 😉 

My friends from ex-c I  consider closer friends than many I had in the church. It's the fact I can talk honestly with them and they do the same in return. 

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15 hours ago, Derek said:

While I was in the church, I was constantly surrounded by grim-faced preacher-types who were always serious and never seemed happy. They were always so quick to call attention to any small mistake I made. I was a kid, for chrissake...I was supposed to make mistakes and do stupid stuff.

When I left the church, I found myself surrounded by fun people...these were people who didn't take themselves too seriously, and who showed more signs of true happiness and humility than any christian robot. I guess I'm trying to say that I gained some real friends and didn't really lose anything worth mourning :)

The key is not to take anything to serious and ESPECIALLY be willing to laugh at yourself and your own beliefs.  Many people seem to leave those "grim-faced preacher-types" behind only to take politics and other subjects way too seriously on here.

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On 4/15/2019 at 10:20 AM, MOHO said:

 

 

If I forgot anyone....that's the Alzheimer's setting in...:rolleyes:

 

Thanks, MOHO!

 

I’ve gained a lot of online friends! And I’ve strengthened the bond with my older son who is a deconvert, and not trying so hard to hide it from his brother. 

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On 4/12/2019 at 8:10 PM, RealityCheck said:

You know, to change the mood of this thread, I should ask the question.  What relationships have you GAINED due to the loss of your faith?  It's sometimes best to reflect on that.

 

You have been a wonderful friend to me, RC. :) I would count that as a gain! Also, most people on here I've interacted with I would consider a gain. 

 

Other than that, I'll be very honest with you all, I am surrounded by the religious and don't often make a lot of friends who can connect with me in this way. But I'd love to use this opportunity to highlight what I have gained that is not necessarily a relationship:

 

1) How I view people, on the whole, has transformed. I have connected with a few people, still religious, who I can be VERY real with and also accept others for who they really, truly are. It's amazing what happens when you stop judging seeing people as bad, evil, sinners or viewing them as competition for "best christian." I celebrate in others' successes, I love to learn about who they are and what makes them tick, I genuinely try to help people instead of just "praying for them and moving on," etc. I don't know that I can say much for all my relationships, but I truly believe others would say I'm a better friend to them now than I was as a borderline self-absorbed christian.

 

2) I have gained a sense of wonder and humility that I never had as a christian. When you think god made the world for you, what else do you do but overlook all the beauty?! When you literally believe the sun (son) revolves around you, what do you expect but to literally not consider the vastness of the universe and how minuscule you are in comparison. I gained perspective on how much we know and, yet, how little.

 

3) How I view myself has changed. This is the biggest one. I have really dark days, yes, but the majority of them are spent undoing all the "you're screwed up and deserve hell" talk in favor of things that reinforce self-confidence, self-esteem, self-appreciation. I have spurred forward creatively, I have made great strides in my marriage, I love people better than I ever did as a Christian. 

 

❤️

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4 minutes ago, ag_NO_stic said:

.... I'd love to use this opportunity to highlight what I have gained that is not necessarily a relationship:

 

1) How I view people, on the whole, has transformed. I have connected with a few people, still religious, who I can be VERY real with and also accept others for who they really, truly are. It's amazing what happens when you stop judging seeing people as bad, evil, sinners or viewing them as competition for "best christian." I celebrate in others' successes, I love to learn about who they are and what makes them tick, I genuinely try to help people instead of just "praying for them and moving on," etc. I don't know that I can say much for all my relationships, but I truly believe others would say I'm a better friend to them now than I was as a borderline self-absorbed christian.

 

2) I have gained a sense of wonder and humility that I never had as a christian. When you think god made the world for you, what else do you do but overlook all the beauty?! When you literally believe the sun (son) revolves around you, what do you expect but to literally not consider the vastness of the universe and how minuscule you are in comparison. I gained perspective on how much we know and, yet, how little.

 

3) How I view myself has changed. This is the biggest one. I have really dark days, yes, but the majority of them are spent undoing all the "you're screwed up and deserve hell" talk in favor of things that reinforce self-confidence, self-esteem, self-appreciation. I have spurred forward creatively, I have made great strides in my marriage, I love people better than I ever did as a Christian. 

 

❤️

Nice :)

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14 hours ago, ag_NO_stic said:

 

You have been a wonderful friend to me, RC. :) I would count that as a gain! Also, most people on here I've interacted with I would consider a gain. 

 

Other than that, I'll be very honest with you all, I am surrounded by the religious and don't often make a lot of friends who can connect with me in this way. But I'd love to use this opportunity to highlight what I have gained that is not necessarily a relationship:

 

1) How I view people, on the whole, has transformed. I have connected with a few people, still religious, who I can be VERY real with and also accept others for who they really, truly are. It's amazing what happens when you stop judging seeing people as bad, evil, sinners or viewing them as competition for "best christian." I celebrate in others' successes, I love to learn about who they are and what makes them tick, I genuinely try to help people instead of just "praying for them and moving on," etc. I don't know that I can say much for all my relationships, but I truly believe others would say I'm a better friend to them now than I was as a borderline self-absorbed christian.

 

2) I have gained a sense of wonder and humility that I never had as a christian. When you think god made the world for you, what else do you do but overlook all the beauty?! When you literally believe the sun (son) revolves around you, what do you expect but to literally not consider the vastness of the universe and how minuscule you are in comparison. I gained perspective on how much we know and, yet, how little.

 

3) How I view myself has changed. This is the biggest one. I have really dark days, yes, but the majority of them are spent undoing all the "you're screwed up and deserve hell" talk in favor of things that reinforce self-confidence, self-esteem, self-appreciation. I have spurred forward creatively, I have made great strides in my marriage, I love people better than I ever did as a Christian. 

 

❤️

I really do appreciate your sentiments.  This is really the one reason I remain on this site, because I still have a possibility of making a positive impact on someone.  I know that's sometimes that's not the case because in reality, we can't get along with 100% of the people we interact with.  However, stories like these keep me hanging around.

I've gotten to know many people here since my join date in 2013 and some I've met in person.  These interactions go both ways, either they really like me or hate my guts (for one reason or another).  That's the beauty of it though, we're not confined to a Church environment that forces us to "love every brother and sister in Christ".  I prefer it this way over a church of people who simply half-assed get to know you though.  

I do echo the sentiments of others here and say that my self esteem has improved as well.  It's not always rock solid though but it much better improvement from my church days when I thought I was the scum of the earth.  There isn't much else to say about it that hasn't been said by others already, this is what I have gained and it makes the loss of that Christian community seem inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

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On 4/12/2019 at 8:10 PM, RealityCheck said:

You know, to change the mood of this thread, I should ask the question.  What relationships have you GAINED due to the loss of your faith?  It's sometimes best to reflect on that.

I've gained a lot of valuable friendships since deconverting (you guys definitely included!). My childhood best friend was actually a friend of mine since before my deconversion (surprisingly enough, I was nuts back then!) but my friendship with him definitely reached new levels when I was finally able to converse with him as an equal and as an X-Xian.

 

I'm in an excellent relationship with my girlfriend who is someone I could not have imagined ever being with while I was a Xian. In fact, I think I would have been forbidden from having any romantic relationship at all as a Xian! Weird to think!

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Christianity made me lose relationship with the whole universe and this planet, nature as well.

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