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pk420


pk420

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What do you say to christians you are close to when they share about their sickness or some other terrible thing? Saying I''m so sorry or I hope it will get better is so different from I'll pray for you. 

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21 minutes ago, pk420 said:

What do you say to christians you are close to when they share about their sickness or some other terrible thing? Saying I''m so sorry or I hope it will get better is so different from I'll pray for you. 

 

Smile sweetly. If they are close to me they should know that I don't believe in praying so I'd be hypocritical if I said I would.

So it's something like you suggest: 'Go to a doctor, hope all will be well', 'let me know if I can do anything'.

I'm in a situation where a close family member is saying that their marriage is over after over 50 years. It would be so easy to say 'Pray about it and I will pray for you both'. But it's rubbish (not to my family member of course but I guess he/she and friends in the fundamentalist church are doing a lot of praying at the moment). If they were physically ill they'd go to a doctor but there's no question of going to a marriage guidance counsellor which I think is to do with their fundamentalism. Sorry, that's not really a tangent, the principles apply don't they? And to them and me it is 'terrible'.

 

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3 hours ago, pk420 said:

What do you say to christians you are close to when they share about their sickness or some other terrible thing? Saying I''m so sorry or I hope it will get better is so different from I'll pray for you. 

 

I listen.  I tell them I’m sorry they’re going through such a rough time. I tell them I wish them the best.  I offer help if I can.  But I don’t pray so I’m not going to offer that.  

 

Hi pk420!  I hope you’ll introduce yourself...

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“Tell me how I can best support to you” “How can I help you?”

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16 hours ago, pk420 said:

What do you say to christians you are close to when they share about their sickness or some other terrible thing? Saying I''m so sorry or I hope it will get better is so different from I'll pray for you. 

 

You are right and actually this question arises even with non Christian friends.

 

Saying I'll pray for you gives the religious person hope (falsely) that some divine power will intercede on their behalf. As non believers we don't have that hope. So on one hand we are freed from false beleifs, but on the other hand lose the comforting thought that so power will make it all better.

 

I often wonder when I say "I hope you get better" or such if it's kind of hollow.

 

If you are in physical proximity then trailblazers suggestion is a very good one, and materially better than offering 'prayers' and even good wishes. If you aren't in physical proximity then conveying your sympathies might be the best you can do.

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If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know.

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Offer to do whatever you are willing and able to do. Be specific. "So sorry to hear that. Let me know if I can bring food, provide transportation, pick up medicine, babysit, look after pets..."

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  • 1 month later...

in addition to the already excellent suggestions, I tend to add "I'm here if you need someone to talk/rant/vent to," as I think sometimes having a non -religious ear can be very helpful for people with chronic or serious illness. I'm not going to tell them that it's all going to be okay, or expect them to be happy about the "trial God is putting them through," or try to fix whatever is "wrong," or offer unsolicited advice. what I am going to do is let them grieve their health and have a safe place to be upset and hurt without judgement! 

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On 3/19/2019 at 9:38 PM, pk420 said:

What do you say to christians you are close to when they share about their sickness or some other terrible thing? Saying I''m so sorry or I hope it will get better is so different from I'll pray for you. 

I think I'd just say, hmm, shit.

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