Karna

Backslide the wrong way!

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I work with a colleague at an engineering firm. He is a German guy, about 38 years old, and very technically proficient and smart. I have known him as a work mate for close to five years now and he is ever a fun guy. He is married with 4 kids. Obviously he married pretty young since his oldest must be an early teen.

 

We chatted a lot about many things and one day he mentioned about some difficulties in his marriage, that his wife was being difficult. These talks went on for quite a few months after and eventually he cheated on his wife with someone on a work-trip. He realized he made a dick move and he confided in me. I chastised him but kept it to myself, as did he. Then one fine day his wife found out and all hell broke loose. I tried to offer solace and asked him to come out clean with his wife and suggested they go for counseling and the whole nine yards. For the next few months his wife constantly threatened to leave him and the kids. He was a mess and I gave him all support I could. 

 

Around the that time I started having problems with my then christian girlfriend. So I told my colleague that I was going through some trying times as well because of religious differences. That time he told me that he doesn't believe in religion. That is all bullshit and he stopped going to church many years ago. And he said - if all the science books and bibles in the world were burnt, and then were to be re-written, the science books would be written exactly the same as they now are. But the same cannot be said about the Bible! I was amazed and asked him how he got along with his wife who I knew was a christian. He said they manage. His wife doesn't really involve him in church and small group and bible talk at home. He is okay with his kids going to church and making friends there, etc. His wife does sometimes wish that he was a christian too, so they all get to heaven. But he scoffs at this fantasy. She knows his stand and so doesn't bother. - I so wished my girlfriend was like his wife!

 

Anyways, so after his cheating episode came to light and things got out of control at his home, his wife suggested he go to small group with her. There he made friends, and found also found a counselor, Although I don't know if the counselor was through the group or was a secular one. And he also started attending church with his wife. He is working on his marriage and things are shaky but improving. Recently I had a conversation with him about religion and although not a fundy but he seems to be taken in by religion! He says he likes going to church and proudly told me one day that they had a baptism party for their teen the other day!

The worst part of the conversation though was that he actually said christianity was true and buddhism wasn't. When I asked him why, he said - the preacher told them a story about buddhism which goes - a son had wronged his father and when he wanted to come back his father made him work very hard to earn his return. After a long time his father accepted him (I am not aware of any such story in buddhism). On the contrary, in the story of the prodigal son, the father accepts the way-laid son right away with open arms.

 

Proves christianity is better than buddhism :)

 

I wonder how a scientific minded, technically sound, fun guy could turn into this in a matter of months. My guess is the religion preyed on him in his moment of weakness. 

But to actually cite the story and say christianity trumps buddhism seems like he got brainwashed at this age in such a short amount of time. I fail to understand this.

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He probably credits the church and the counseling for helping save his marriage.  And maybe they did.  So he’s emotionally invested in it.  Emotion often trumps reason, with each of us at one time or another. 

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Some of you know my story of coming  out back in the summer of 2014 then ducking back inside in the fall of 2015 then coming back out a little over a year ago.

 

This comes to mind here because it was precisely due to marital problems that I sought counseling from Pastor Asshat and got sucked back in emotionally. I sought that counseling because I knew it would be embraced very favorably by Mrs. MOHO and, I was in such a low state due to an impending divorce, that I would have done just about anything to stop it. In my case the marital problems were not due to infidelity but due to an abusive outburst by my wife that was over the top abusive even for her.

 

She has an insatiable need to lord over people and uses religion as a tool in this endeavor. I don't think she is conscious of that usage but it's definitely there and at one point sat next to me in my truck and berated me for 15 minutes for having not shaved that morning. This "failure" on my part was an obvious sign of "rebellion" linked directly to my recent backsliding from church. This was a Friday and I had taken the day off so the only thing on tap was helping with her business and working in the yard. However, we set out to go to lunch and, when we pulled up in the parking lot, she saw a little stubble on my face and all hell broke loose. It startled me to the point that I felt I needed to get out of the marriage before any physical abuse ensued  as this was not the only abuse I had taken in 20 years of marriage. 

 

Looking back I realize I am codependent and would be better off today had I stuck to my guns and not sought a reconciliation. 

 

The original post was, at least in part, about how science minded, thinking people can embrace religion. Well...I think that is due to emotion - as the situation I outlined above seems to indicate. 

 

 

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I guess some people are wishy-washy. Big talk first, but then they flip and talk just as big for the other side. I don't get it, really. I treat it as a phenomenon I observe more than something I can relate to.

 

Maybe it's got something to do with identity. Some people insist that people need an identity. I don't get that either.

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Karna, in time you may see your friend make another swing.  It doesn't seem like religion is a high priority in his life.

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2 hours ago, Weezer said:

Karna, in time you may see your friend make another swing.  It doesn't seem like religion is a high priority in his life.

I hope so. Guess once his home situation becomes better he will regain his sanity.

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