ag_NO_stic Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 Hi, all. I hope everyone is doing well today. Today, a major bummer is the source of this post. For those of you not all the way in the loop, Mr. ag_NO_stic was still a Christian (not too fundamentalist) when I started down my path of deconversion in early 2017. I was really worried about where life was going and how we were going to work since I love him and didn't want to end things based on religion. That was a couple years ago and, after taking some advice from this site, things have calmed down since. My husband is no longer in the Christian camp, though he's not nearly as far as I have come in my opinion, and doesn't feel a need to label his beliefs in general. We are so happy together, honestly. Sounds all good now, right? Cue his parents. They just came over for dinner Sunday night and a VERY unplanned conversation on religion came up. I usually try to skirt around it, it's never worth it. We were discussing conversations we weren't looking forward to when our children come into the picture. Apparently, his parents still thought he was a believer and it was news to them when he defended a few of my comments. They are now devastated, his mom started sobbing, wouldn't look at me and said "This is what I was worried about when she started going down this road, that she would drag you down this path with her." His dad just looked grim the whole time. I started crying too, they said all the usual shit, "You're choosing this doubt, this is a CHOICE," "If you are unchurched of course you will go down this road," "the bible is FACT," "make an appointment with our pastor," and it ended with them essentially being happy that the conversation happened because "it is an answer to your prayers." It hurts so much because they have no idea how traumatic this has been, they think I don't understand their position (as usual), and they were essentially gaslighting us by trying to make us out as the arrogant ones (for deigning to question god) and them the humble ones (for their submission to Christ) when it's so obviously the opposite. Nothing I said even got through. I said a whole bit to them and got, "Regardless, the bible is fact." It is the most maddening thing to look at their condescending concern when I know how little they know about their faith. Y'all, my heart is so very heavy. Not because I have been swayed, but because I am very susceptible to guilt/shame (thanks mom and dad) and I feel like the scum of the earth. Not for "being wrong," mind you, but for clearly being the reason their son is "going to hell now" in their eyes. I know it's their beliefs, I can't control that, but I hate it all the same. I am the kind of person who wants everyone to get along, everyone to be happy. Family is family. I try to be a good person and I want so badly to be openly accepted as their daughter-in-law. I'm sure they will be kind to me, but I feel they will never truly rejoice in our marriage as long as I am agnostic, it will be an elephant in the room. I just want to be left alone, is that so much to ask? Thanks for listening, I love you all. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.