Really need advice

[Bazz99]

Karna thankyou for your reply. Its good to know others have been in kinda the same position. And what you said is much appreciated.

[Bazz99]

I just wanted to add another bit to my story guys. Some information I have gleamed, is that her church uses a heavy shepherding program, if thats the trrm? What exactly is this?

 

Also during my conversation with her recently she admitted I was the man she should have married. And if we were married right this moment we would be in the bedroom, is the way she put it.

[MOHO]

23 minutes ago, Bazz99 said:

I just wanted to add another bit to my story guys. Some information I have gleamed, is that her church uses a heavy shepherding program, if thats the trrm? What exactly is this?

 

Also during my conversation with her recently she admitted I was the man she should have married. And if we were married right this moment we would be in the bedroom, is the way she put it.

 

This conversation is getting nasty!    

[Bazz99]

[older]

4 hours ago, Bazz99 said:

heavy shepherding program

 

Well this does not sound good. If you do a Google search for this phrase you'll get some answers.

[Bazz99]

Ok so I just googled heavy shepherding.

 

Wow is this for real guys?

 

Im in shock, how on earth is this even legal or even tolerated in the 21st century??

[TABA]

I’m afraid it’s for real.  At the Church of Christ congregation that I first joined, one of the Bible classes was actually an interview with a couple who had ‘escaped’ from one of these heavy shepherding churches.  The stories they told about the degree to which their lives were supervised were pretty wild.  Regular Churches of Christ did not have this shepherding and worried that people would associate them with the “Boston Church of Christ” / “International Church of Christ” movement.  Regular Churches of Christ are very sane by comparison.

 

It’s legal because adults submit themselves to this kind of thing.  If there’s any silver lining here, I’m pretty sure that this oppressive system probably drives away a good number of people.  But if this lady is actually a part of this, it shows what you’re up against.  Once they find out about you, she will probably be told that you are an agent of Satan, trying to drag her down into the Jaws of Hell with you.  She will be required to report any and all contact with you.  

 

I see from your profile that that you are from Northern Ireland.  Assuming you and she are still in NI, you might profit from the experiences of our member @TheRedneckProfessor.  I believe he was actually a missionary in NI for a few years before coming over to the dark side.  NI is not that big a place and he may possibly have come across the particular movement she is involved in.  Just a thought.

[Bazz99]

Thanks Taba as always. Your story has chilled me to the bone.

 

I must appear as incredibly naive but im actually really stunned to my core over this shepherding business.

 

It makes total sense now that a fellow church member warned her that I was satan.

 

Yeah we both still in N Ireland. How do I get in touch with the redneck professor? 

and is it ok to do so?

 

Thanks Taba

[TABA]

You should be able to send TRP a private message, or he may chime in here in the thread since I tagged him in my last post.  I don’t think he’ll mind me referencing him.  

 

And you don’t seem naive.  You see like a regular guy who has never been exposed to the more cultish, creepier versions of Christianity.  Be thankful. 

[Bazz99]

Also guys, most of what Im reading online says that the shepherding movement basically died out some years ago. So obviously some of it has still survived and is practiced today

[MOHO]

I don't' know what creeps me out more. The asshat pastors who utilize heavy shepherding or the folks who submit to it. Even in my Mormon days I was totally put off by the impacted program. 

 

Apologies to anyone who may have submitted to heavy shepherding. 

No apologies to Mormons. 

 

[Bazz99]

Its beyond me MOHO how grown adults, intelligent people can submit to this. 

 

Has living with her abusive husband for x amount of years really made her that desperate to escape reality, that is so willing to submit to this?

 

I also know that she was made to dtand in front of thd congregation and confess to her adultress thoughts. I mean come on!!!

[florduh]

I hope you are beginning to realize the situation. She is deep into a dangerous cult. You are an enemy of that cult. Draw your own conclusions. Damn shame it had to come to this, but none of it was your doing. Now go make a fresh start and enjoy life!

 

[Bazz99]

If it only was as easy as walking away florduh.

 

Ive been in love with this girl since i was 14 (30 years ago).

 

The romantic aspect aside, my over riding protection instinct wants to step in

[Bazz99]

So my next stupid question...what is tithing and a modelist doctrine?

Sorry, thats 2 questions

[MOHO]

Dude!

 

Tithing matters not unless you are about to jump in a give xianity/funny mentalism a go.

 

Does not matter how in love you are.

Take it from old MOHO (57). Pretending to be an xtian is bad because...

    1. It's dishonest and BOTH of you will be unhappy after discovering the hoax.

    2. You might get sucked in, as I did, then suffer emotional unrest for a couple years whilst sorting it all out.

    3. After a few years of unequal yokedom you will give anything to go back in time and undue the marriage. Too late now. She owns half my stuff. Yes. she's rather nice, unless we are arguing religion, but I'd rather no be married to someone who thinks I am the world's biggest piece of shit because I'm not a fundy.

 

Now, sir, get out there and find someone to make you forget all about Ms. xtian. I'm NOT talking rebound as that's dishonest too. Find someone you really DIG! 

 

[Bazz99]

I hear you loud and clear Moho.

 

Wasnt about to take the plunge, just genuine questions in trying to decipher all this

[florduh]

2 hours ago, Bazz99 said:

If it only was as easy as walking away florduh.

 

Ive been in love with this girl since i was 14 (30 years ago).

 

The romantic aspect aside, my over riding protection instinct wants to step in

I know walking away from who you think she is difficult. Realizing that she is not, in fact, who you think she is or remember her to be is even more difficult. You, through no fault of your own, are in survival mode now whether you see it or not. Good luck.

[Bazz99]

Thanks guys.

 

This is a great place and i can see you really care. It means a lot. I have felt very alone in all of this.

[older]

3 hours ago, florduh said:

I know walking away from who you think she is difficult. Realizing that she is not, in fact, who you think she is or remember her to be is even more difficult. You, through no fault of your own, are in survival mode now whether you see it or not. Good luck.

Florduh is right. This is what we're looking at here. You have this image in your mind and a wish, but the facts do not look good. As Florduh wrote, you remember her as she was 22 years ago. But that is gone.

 

You should sit down and have a long, frank talk with her about all this. Ask her what she means when she says she is at a crossroads in her faith. Is she just looking for another church or is she questioning the whole thing? (A suggested question: "You believe that God sent himself to earth and then killed himself in order to avenge himself for a curse he put on us because one of our distant ancestors and a rib woman ate fruit off a magical tree after being told to do it by a talking snake. Now do you believe this because it makes sense, or do you believe it because other people [and vocalize the emphasis] have convinced you that bad things will happen to you if you don't?")

 

And be sure she knows where you are and that you are NOT going to change no matter what. And I'd spell it out in no uncertain terms that if she tries to lay a religion thing on you then it's over. No subtle hints, no going to church with her just to keep her company, no grace periods, no second chances. Zero, zip, nada.

 

But this heavy shepherding looks to me like a very dangerous thing and if you pursue a relationship with her while she remains in this cult, IMHO you are taking a big risk.

 

I am reminded of an old French love song, “Plaisir D'amour”:

The joys of love are but a moment long
But the pain of love endures the whole life long.

[Karna]

6 hours ago, MOHO said:

Dude!

 

Tithing matters not unless you are about to jump in a give xianity/funny mentalism a go.

 

Does not matter how in love you are.

Take it from old MOHO (57). Pretending to be an xtian is bad because...

    1. It's dishonest and BOTH of you will be unhappy after discovering the hoax.

    2. You might get sucked in, as I did, then suffer emotional unrest for a couple years whilst sorting it all out.

    3. After a few years of unequal yokedom you will give anything to go back in time and undue the marriage. Too late now. She owns half my stuff. Yes. she's rather nice, unless we are arguing religion, but I'd rather no be married to someone who thinks I am the world's biggest piece of shit because I'm not a fundy.

 

Now, sir, get out there and find someone to make you forget all about Ms. xtian. I'm NOT talking rebound as that's dishonest too. Find someone you really DIG! 

 

So MOHO....Is tithing a fundy trait?

 

What are other fundy characteristics?

[Bazz99]

Thanks guys.

 

I am in survival mode, didnt see it

[Margee]

 

 

 

On 4/23/2019 at 6:36 AM, Bazz99 said:

 

 

 

On 4/23/2019 at 6:36 AM, Bazz99 said:

 

 

 

2

On 4/23/2019 at 6:36 AM, Bazz99 said:

Ok, so I just googled heavy shepherding.

 

Wow is this for real guys?

 

I'm in shock, how on earth is this even legal or even tolerated in the 21st century??

Yes it is my new friend. Welcome to Ex-c Bazz99.

 

This is what I got into when I got brainwashed by the god virus (strong fundamentalism) and left the love of my life (married 17 years) when I believed with all my heart that god wanted me to be equally yoked with another christian. He was 'unsaved' and totally disapproved of what I had gotten myself into. He would never go to church with me. (I think he went once or twice and that made it worse because he did not like what he saw. (he knew I was getting brainwashed)) I thought god wanted me to have a christian partner. 

 

 You mentioned that she is 'on the fence' and you need to find out what this means because if she is ready to go 100% percent into fundamentalism, you will lose. So sorry to give you this type of news but we do not want you any more heart-broken than what you are now. Best to you and keep posting.

 

(hug)

[Margee]

On 4/21/2019 at 3:54 PM, Bazz99 said:

 

 

 

On 4/21/2019 at 3:54 PM, Bazz99 said:

 

 

 

On 4/21/2019 at 3:54 PM, Bazz99 said:

 

 

Fast forward 16 years, I married a girl and settled down. Something in me made me reach out to contact my old flame, more out of curiosity. To cut a long story kinda short. We met up a few times and instantly clicked again. My own marriage was in trouble and my wife was having numerous affairs. I always stayed faithful.

 

 

I met my first love 15 years ago (hadn't seen him in 30 years) and we had a reunion when I was a single woman. It was one of the most exciting times of my life. We went together (as teenagers) from 15 to 17 years old. 

 

He flew me right across my country and we instantly clicked. We were teenagers again. And we fell completely in lust. Thought it was love of course. Long story short after the thrill wore off....turned into a complete disaster. So be careful of those young, once wonderful teenage feelings.

[Bazz99]

Margee thanks for the hug, needed that.

 

You described the situation perfectly, we were like two giddy teenagers, and i know for a fact that she was relishing this new sense of being alive and freedom from the shackles of church. She told me.