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Bazz99

Really need advice

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On 4/29/2019 at 1:33 PM, Bazz99 said:

I hear what you are saying guys.

 

Damn bloody religion ruining perfectly sane people. Good people. I never imagined it could do so much damage.

 

Here i am, knowing that this girl will go back to a paranoid schizophrenic husband and be put in danger again.

 

I wish i didnt care so much...but i do

I just read through this thread. Here's what I have to say. It appears you want to be the Knight in shining armor and save this lady. My take: youre creating more pain for yourself by spending time together in an impossible situation. I speak as a woman who was a fundie deeply infected with the god virus. There is nothing you can do at this point. She is brainwashed and indoctrinated. When they tell her you're Satan, trust me she believes it. Do you think you stand a chance in that kind of scenario? No. The best thing for you would be to walk. There are some people you just can't save unless they are willing to save themselves first. 

The good news is that whether you want to give it a try or not at this point in time, there are plenty of matches out there that stand a better chance when religion doesn't stand in the way. Don't fall for the "there's only one person for me" romantic fairytale crap, ok? If you find someone with similar values, hobbies and interests and you get along well, in the long run your relationship will survive the initial intoxication, which eventually hits and must square with reality if it's going to survive. 

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One of the concepts basic to the religion is that they are "in this world but not of it" and they are "new creatures in Christ." The person you knew back when does not exist today. She's already gone, now it's your turn.

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I guess i just didnt appreciate or realise how serious or deep this brainwashing went.

 

Heartbroken all the same

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Sorry for the heartbreak. It's not your fault. It's time to look after yourself and start a new chapter.

https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=mcafee&p=chinese+farmer+story#id=2&vid=122a7b9f8028a27972733a3b445a38bf&action=click

 

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1 hour ago, Bazz99 said:

I guess i just didnt appreciate or realise how serious or deep this brainwashing went.

 

Heartbroken all the same

 

You list music and nature as interests you have.  Do you play music, listen and/or compose?  As to nature, is there any scientific discipline you like more than others, e.g., biology, physics, chemistry?

 

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It's not easy letting go of someone that you care so deeply for....I've been there. It's rough. Bottom line, like pretty much everyone else has said--you have no choice but to move on. She may seem like "the one", but there are other girls. Trust me :)

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Thanks guys i know you mean well.

 

Yeah i compose music on guitar.

Love being outdoors in nature too

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I would highly suggest you get an appointment with a licensed psychotherapist and explain your dilemma to him/her.

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10 hours ago, Bazz99 said:

Thanks guys i know you mean well.

 

Yeah i compose music on guitar.

Love being outdoors in nature too

 

I suggest you spend meaningful time composing music on the guitar, enjoying nature in the outdoors and perhaps a few other activities that will help you get away from this emotional struggle you have created for yourself.

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Im not sure why some of you guys think i need to see a therapist or counsellor

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If you're in physical pain, you would go see a Doctor. If you're in emotional pain, you would go see...... ? It's just as important...if not more so.

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3 hours ago, Bazz99 said:

Im not sure why some of you guys think i need to see a therapist or counsellor

 

I could be wrong, but I think only one poster suggested you seek professional counseling.  Add me to the list, provided she/he is a qualified secular professional.  That makes two. 

 

Many here are "arm-chair" advisors in various topics, including your current topic.  They are not professionals.  You stated you appreciated their thoughts and suggestions and indicated they mean well.  Imagine what a professional could do.

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5 hours ago, Bazz99 said:

Im not sure why some of you guys think i need to see a therapist or counsellor

 

It would help you to understand why you are so attracted (obsessed)?  with a woman that is unavailable, and mixed up.  And I agree with the statement above about seeing a secular professional.  

 

I think that until you come to understand yourself, you very well may cycle through future relationships, perhaps with women who will cheat on you. This woman you are seeing now, is in a sense cheating on her husband, and your wife cheated on you.  Why are you attracted to these kind of women?

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If the pain is unbearable, is making you do dumb things, if you haven't pulled yourself out of the funk after a few months of new friends and activities, then perhaps a professional could help free you from your obsession. Don't let yourself suffer too long.

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I fell in love with this girl when i was 14. She has always been the one. Even though i got married to another woman who i also loved deeply.

 

I think what makes it so difficult to break the ties is that you wait your whole life waiting on the girl of your dreams to fall in love with you, then she finally truely falls in love with me, but a complete fairy tale tells her no that it cant be.

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50 minutes ago, Bazz99 said:

....then she finally truely falls in love with me....

Serious, hard core Christians can have but one love, and it ain't you. Sorry, but you need to deal with reality now or continue to make yourself miserable. Choose wisely.

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1 hour ago, Bazz99 said:

I fell in love with this girl when i was 14. She has always been the one. Even though i got married to another woman who i also loved deeply.

 

I think what makes it so difficult to break the ties is that you wait your whole life waiting on the girl of your dreams to fall in love with you, then she finally truely falls in love with me, but a complete fairy tale tells her no that it cant be.

 

Yes, you have previously informed us a few times of this story.  It hasn't changed.  So.....what's next?

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18 hours ago, Bazz99 said:

 

I think what makes it so difficult to break the ties is that you wait your whole life waiting on the girl of your dreams to fall in love with you, then she finally truely falls in love with me, but a complete fairy tale tells her no that it cant be.

What you're doing here is over idealizing this "girl of your dreams." I don't think I'm the only person that thinks so either. You have what I would call a fixation with her. Due to this, you're ruling out other viable options and other people. I used to be this idealistic when I was younger. But relationships in reality are complex as are people. 

I'd recommend seeing a secular therapist. There's no shame in doing so. 

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Im going to go see a therapist thursday

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1 hour ago, Bazz99 said:

Im going to go see a therapist thursday

 

Good move.  Take your time.  You may consider printing out the discussions in this tread for the therapist to read.  It could help and wouldn't hurt.

 

I play guitar too (acoustic and classical), but I'm not very adept at composing.  Although I appreciate a superb player, I am more drawn to good compositions.  When the same guitarist is a good player and a good composer, that's magnifies the experience (as a listener) for me.

 

 

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Sdelsolray do you like Mark Knopfler?

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1 hour ago, Bazz99 said:

Im going to go see a therapist thursday

Good move :)

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33 minutes ago, Bazz99 said:

Sdelsolray do you like Mark Knopfler?

Quite a bit.

 

What do you think about Michael Hedges?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaIN13aDbCc

 

Or Leo Kottke?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJthGsBB5YQ

 

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Sdelsolray wow really good music there

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Yes, Michael and Leo are two great composer/players.

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