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Bazz99

Really need advice

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How did the therapy session go?

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Was actually very emotional experience Karna. Got a lotta stuff out there. To be honest the therapist was a bit overwhelmed by my story but very sympathetic. Back later this week

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On 4/22/2019 at 4:54 AM, Bazz99 said:

Hi everyone, I have lurked for a bit in search of answers and am finally glad to be amongst you great people.

 

Mine is an unusual dilema, in that I have never been a born again Christian, but am finding it impacting my life rather dramatically right now.

 

I was raised as a roman catholic in ireland but am non practising.

 

When i was 18( I am now 40) i was with a girl whom i loved and was devastated when she called it off. She was a carefree spirit, partying, drinking, smoking etc. We tried to stay friends but that didnt work. Not long after she rushed into a marriage with a guy who had a mental ilnness. He made her cut all ties with me.

 

Fast forward 16 years, I married a girl and settled down. Something in me made me reach out to contact my old flame, more out of curiousity. To cut a long story kinda short. We met up a few times and instantly clicked again. My own marriage was in trouble and my wife was having numerous affairs. I always stayed faithful.

 

My long lost friend was now a medical nurse and had been separated for 5 years from her husband. She had a restraining order against him for mental and physical violence. But heres the kicker, she was now a fully fledged entrenched born again christian. And apparantly god had given her the testimoney that her husband would be made anew and returned to her as a new man.

 

I had no previous experience of these christian cults. Anyway one day I get a call from her that she has lost her job. But that it was god punishing her because she had fallen in love with me. She then severed all ties.

 

That was 3 years ago, Im not divorced and constantly plaqued by this idea that my dream girl who i truely love has been taken away from me because of this cult.

 

Its driving me insane!!! What can I do??

True love requires nothing from anyone, do you want her because you think she will fill a void in your life? How about loving her through & through, disregarding everything you want for yourself.

 

You'll feel a whole lot better when you do 

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I do not believe im using her as a way in filling a void in my life.

 

I absolutely love her through and through. But right now im trying to come to terms with the fact it will never happen. Made even more difficult by the circumstances where it wont happen...i.e. her belief in a fairy tale

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On 4/21/2019 at 2:54 PM, Bazz99 said:

Hi everyone, I have lurked for a bit in search of answers and am finally glad to be amongst you great people.

 

Mine is an unusual dilema, in that I have never been a born again Christian, but am finding it impacting my life rather dramatically right now.

 

I was raised as a roman catholic in ireland but am non practising.

 

When i was 18( I am now 40) i was with a girl whom i loved and was devastated when she called it off. She was a carefree spirit, partying, drinking, smoking etc. We tried to stay friends but that didnt work. Not long after she rushed into a marriage with a guy who had a mental ilnness. He made her cut all ties with me.

 

Fast forward 16 years, I married a girl and settled down. Something in me made me reach out to contact my old flame, more out of curiousity. To cut a long story kinda short. We met up a few times and instantly clicked again. My own marriage was in trouble and my wife was having numerous affairs. I always stayed faithful.

 

My long lost friend was now a medical nurse and had been separated for 5 years from her husband. She had a restraining order against him for mental and physical violence. But heres the kicker, she was now a fully fledged entrenched born again christian. And apparantly god had given her the testimoney that her husband would be made anew and returned to her as a new man.

 

I had no previous experience of these christian cults. Anyway one day I get a call from her that she has lost her job. But that it was god punishing her because she had fallen in love with me. She then severed all ties.

 

That was 3 years ago, Im not divorced and constantly plaqued by this idea that my dream girl who i truely love has been taken away from me because of this cult.

 

Its driving me insane!!! What can I do??


People change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for worse.  20+ years will make a girl that you once fell in love with utterly unrecognizable, this is especially true if she's been infected by the god virus and possibly traumatized due to a horrible marriage.  The past is something that's best put away, you're sacrificing romantic possibilities in the present for someone that for all intents and purposes is gone.  The most amazing women in my life didn't show up till I was past 30 and I look at the people from high school with complete indifference now.  

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3 hours ago, Bazz99 said:

I do not believe im using her as a way in filling a void in my life.

 

I absolutely love her through and through. But right now im trying to come to terms with the fact it will never happen. Made even more difficult by the circumstances where it wont happen...i.e. her belief in a fairy tale

 

Do you have a plan on how to move on from this?  If you do, how are you doing with it?  If you don't have one yet, I would suggest you ask your therapist about how you might develop, implement and perform such a plan.

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Im working with my therapist every week now trying to figure out how i move on.

It was a bit of a curve ball for my therapist as she had never encountered anyone with my problem before. She is very much taken aback by the churches control.

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12 minutes ago, Bazz99 said:

It was a bit of a curve ball for my therapist as she had never encountered anyone with my problem before. She is very much taken aback by the churches control.

That's surprising. There are instances where a spouse decides to join the Nazis, Scientology or become a Muslim and the other spouse just can't live with such a choice. Becoming a fanatic Christian is probably a thousand times more common than any of those. 

 

Anyway, try to maintain some dignity and resolve while keeping in mind you are madly in love with your fantasy, not an actual person. Good luck.

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