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Jagdish

Another Sunday Morning

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Another Sunday morning that I am not racked with guilt over not going to church. I can't count the number of Sunday's that I went to church or mass because I felt guilty for not. I would awaken at about 7am as is my internal clock time. I would think of all the things I would rather be doing and how much I would rather go for a run, go fishing, take a bike ride or any number of things. Yet the guilt and shame that had been planted in my head over not giving God "his one day" would swallow me until I went. This happened for weeks which turned into years. Oh sometimes I would skip but those times gave me guilt.

 

My mother was soooo addicted to God that she would ask me long after I left home if I went to church that Sunday. One of the most annoying conversations I remember having with her was over my work schedule and being exhausted. I had a job I detested. I worked 12-14 hours 6 freaking days a week and yes I was blasted tired on Sundays when by that time I had no guilt just fatigue. Once on the phone she asked about my church attendance and I reiterated my schedule and said I was way too tired to do anything but rest on  Sundays.

 

HER:  have you been going to church lately?

ME:  way to tired. I repeated my work hours

HER:  "but who got you that job in the first place

ME: (so as not to argue) God I guess

HER: So you can't give him ONE day

ME: Mom people ask me if I am ill because I look so exhausted, which I am

HER : you should still go to church

ME: (getting bolder now) Mom if God is as wonderful and loving as they say then he will be sympathetic to my need to rest. After all Sunday is supposed to be a day of REST.

 

I don't remember how the conversation ended but by that time in my life I was already full of doubts and feeling bullied and manipulated.  I finally retired from that lousy job which really paid well in terms of dollars but how much is my sanity worth???

 

That was several years ago. Mom has since gone to Heaven (I hope it is there for her sake and the sake of all who so staunchly believe). I just know that I like Sundays now. The religion I now embrace (Hinduism) does not require mandatory temple attendance. No guilt tripping My relationship with God is between me and her/him. It is so good to consider Sunday as just another day of the week. A relaxing day a stress free day, an easy day.

 

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So glad you're free! Crazy how much people beat themselves up over rules that don't even serve the purpose they were originally intended for (assuming they had a good intended purpose in the first place)!

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Glad to hear that you're free from the guilt-tripping and manipulation. Ever since going to college, I've had one too many conversations with my mother that are quite similar. I suppose they always want to check in and make sure that we're still following their beliefs. As part of their religion, they've failed if their children stray from the faith. At least, that's how my parents view parental guidance and teaching children in accordance to religion. I would love to hear other people's thoughts on Christian parenting and what they've experienced.

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