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This is harder than it has to be


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Hey Ex-C community!


I'm a pk from the Bible Belt and deconverted about 6 years ago. Somewhat new here and super excited to get involved!


When I first left, there were so many problems I had to work through. Guilt for disappointing people I loved, anger at my family, confusion over life's meaning, and allllllllll the sexual shame and dysfunction of a puritanical upbringing. Suffice to say, it took years of therapy for me to work through some of this stuff, and a lot of it's ongoing.


But looking back, I feel like some of this was a lot harder than it needed to be. Yes, I needed to do the hard internal work, but in a lot of cases I didn't even know what I was working towards.


Now that I have a bit more perspective, I want to help  people who have a similar struggle. But, I want to help in a way that is the most effective.


So I'd like to ask:

  1. What were the hardest things you dealt with when you left?
  2. What is the best way you can get support? Is it a how-to guide for a certain topic (ex. breaking the news to family, finding sexual pleasure), or a phone call with someone who's willing to listen?


I want to help people with what they actually need, and I thought it made sense to ask.



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Welcome, @formerpk_biblebelt.

Glad you found us and congrats on thinking your way out of the mind-control!


41 minutes ago, formerpk_biblebelt said:

What were the hardest things you dealt with when you left?

Getting over the fear of Hell. This took time and realizing that the is a man-made concept. 

Gagging when people say "God Bless you" "Praise God" (this one is still in progress and Mrs. MOHO uses those phrases regularly.)


44 minutes ago, formerpk_biblebelt said:

What is the best way you can get support? Is it a how-to guide for a certain topic (ex. breaking the news to family, finding sexual pleasure), or a phone call with someone who's willing to listen?

Journey Free website and Dr. Marlene Winell's book Leaving the Fold.

Other books by Hitchens, Carrier, Dawkins, Ehrman, and Fitzgerald.

This web site and the myriad of helpful, caring folks I have "met" here.


    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)


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Welcome former pk and congratulations on finding your way out. You will see there is so much variety in the way and extent that christianity has become intertwined in the individuals psyche that the possibilities are endless. Then add to this the many possible peripheral complications and in many cases potential for collateral damage that a deconversion or the outward acknowlegment of a deconversion might cause and it's easy to see how at least certain effects can last a lifetime. I think the most important thing each of us bring to the discussion is our unique perspective based on exactly what our experience was. So if you see something that is submitted that you can relate to particularily well then that is where your comments are most likely to make a difference in that person's life. This site has a huge archive of stories submitted by people in every stage of deconversion that I'm sure will be of great interest to you and provide so many unique answers to the questions you ask.

I am currious as to why you feel the 6 years you spent in your own deconversion process was excessive. Christianity has so many subtle ways of planting blockades in the minds of believers that stop them from asking the bigger really difficult questions.  What do you think could have happened to shorten that process for you? Anyhow I believe you are already well qualified to provide unique helpful welcome comments to those who stop by here looking for help or encouragement in their questioning or deconversion process. Glad to have you with us and I look forward to reading your future comments.    

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            Well, I really do not know what and how I am experiencing stuff right now, what conversion means, what anything means really. For me, I feel, right now, fear of asking questions about established things. Even now I feel fear about conflict of ideas in every part of my life, like when I see something it i disagree with it is like a part of me, the flight or fight or trauma stuff comes and it is like, play nice or play dead, and GTFO. Was severly beaten down and threatened and shamed when I observed certain things - like the problem of hell, for example.  So an overwhelming fear/rage/confusion about authority in general. The whole who rejects a priest rejects God, if you get out the demons will get you, etc.


                   As for support, reading and researching about psychology in general, and psychology of brainwashing, indoctrination, early attachment, etc.  And therapy, some sorts. Just figuring out what happened. Like, there is still this question for me. Is this religion really true? Actually, what I mean by this question is that, I feel that it is one of those cases of unverifiable claims. Basically, the root of my issue is that you begin with the idea that God is beyond your understanding. When you begin like this and do not nuance it, basically anything goes. Why he does or does not do certain things, why that, why that, basically the why just goes flying out. Because everything we experience is, in a certain way, depending on how you declare knowledge, at least part in our understanding/experience. After this, you can say anything, Jesus rose from the grave, or he didn t, universal salvation or universal damnation, etc.. The problem is, of course, if he is out of our understanding, then nobody can say anything so any Church or organisation is basically bullshit. But it isn t because, as I said, God is said to beyond our understanding, so some people can understand him and talk to others about him. Every contradiction goes. People can say they see angels, demons, saints, whatever, anything at all. For me the main problem with most Christianity is its obvious self contradictory nature. At least this it how it seems to me. I do not want to assume a fixed position, like ok, lifelong atheist or buddhist or agnostic. I like  what Bart Ehrman once said, about not knowing what will happen, or if he will come back to Christianity. I am trying, now, to take a investigative, open stance as much as I can. I am still in that state of a volcano explosion destroyed my house and I am like - What just happened? A bit overwhelmed.



16 hours ago, MOHO said:




Gagging when people say "God Bless you" "Praise God" (this one is still in progress and Mrs. MOHO uses those phrases regularly.)





The image of God I was presented with, I do not want his blessings at all. I mean, I was told that trial and tribulations are the sign of God s goodness upon a person, of him being specifically chosen for great things. I even was so afraid of praying because if this was God s sign of mercy, that he punishes somebody here and not in the afterlife..well then...



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