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Geezer

Couples Therapy

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I watch a lot of YouTube videos. I have a 97 Jeep Wrangler it’s my hobby car. My grandson is a GM mechanic and has replaced all the lights with LED’s and added some new fog lights and a couple of Amber cube lights on the windshield post. I recovered the seats and redid some interior stuff. It's only got 114,0000 miles on it and it’s in excellent mechanical condition. My wife and I love running around without the top on. 

 

Anyway I watch a lot of YouTube Jeep videos to get new ideas and see how to fix some minor maintenance problems. I accidentally ran across some marriage therapist videos and discovered Esther Perel.  She is amazing. My wife has suffered lack of sexual desire for years. We’ve been married for 53 years and this problem has existed for at least 25+ of those years.

 

I was surprised to discover how common this problem is for married couples all over the world. Lack of sexual desire apparently is the #1 issue in many if not most marriages. And as it turns out religion plays a role in this problem. Human sexuality is usually presented in a very negative light for children of devoutly religious people. This negative view of sex has long lasting consequences for children that are exposed to this sort of teaching. The divorce rates in Europe and America have stayed consistently around 50% for both religious and non-religious couples.

 

Esther is unlike any couples therapist I’ve encountered. She is incredible, to say the least. If she isn’t the best in the world I can’t image who would be better. Our marriage is solid, we’re worked through our issues years ago, but I’m hooked on watching Esthers videos. They are enormously informative, and guys you especially need to watch her videos. I’ve learned a lot about women and their needs from watching her videos.

 

 

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On 6/19/2019 at 8:48 AM, Geezer said:

Human sexuality is usually presented in a very negative light for children of devoutly religious people

The reason for this remains a mystery to me. Many cultures, current or historical, either celebrate sex or, at the least, consider it just a normal thing — no big deal. But the Abrahamic religions seem terrified of it. Same with the human body. And this seems stronger in America than in many other Western countries. Would a more rational attitude about this result in fewer sex crimes?

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3 hours ago, older said:

The reason for this remains a mystery to me. Many cultures, current or historical, either celebrate sex or, at the least, consider it just a normal thing — no big deal. But the Abrahamic religions seem terrified of it. Same with the human body. And this seems stronger in America than in many other Western countries. Would a more rational attitude about this result in fewer sex crimes?

 

The reason for it is simply control.

The thing that everyone feels good about is bad, and therefore you must be cleansed for having those normal feelings, and only we can cleanse you.

Feeling good is sinful because God suffered for you. Therefore you owe the church payment in goods, money, and time.

The bad things that happen to you are because you are not cleansed enough. God is angry at you, and that's why the bad things happen to you more than is normal. You already think that and are right. We can fix it, and all the good things that happen are because God is pleased with you for being cleansed by us.

If bad stuff still happens to you, it's because you're having normal natural feelings again, and they have made you unclean and God is annoyed. Remember how we fixed it before and good things happened after? That was because of us, so do what we say and good things will happen again.

Your wife is yours. She belongs to you and you are responsible for her. We have God's authority on this and therefore it is valid.

This will ensure that you are certain that the children you raise are your own. You must have children to bolster our numbers, and sex is wrong for any other purpose even though you are married. You must still be spiritually cleansed by us and being married doesn't exempt you.

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8 hours ago, older said:

The reason for this remains a mystery to me. Many cultures, current or historical, either celebrate sex or, at the least, consider it just a normal thing — no big deal. But the Abrahamic religions seem terrified of it. Same with the human body. And this seems stronger in America than in many other Western countries. Would a more rational attitude about this result in fewer sex crimes?

 

And the divorce rate might drop too.

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I wonder if, back in the day, someone had snuffed the idiots that started these religions, how different the world would be today. 

Wacky religions and fanatics have been in most areas of the world, look at the Mayans and Aztecs, the Greeks and Romans. The ruins of their temples still remains. But nobody I know of is trying to please their gods with blood sacrifices anymore. 

It is still boggling to remember that our Vice Pres is a staunch Christian, and that there are millions of such in the country intent on ushering in The Kingdom through laws.

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6 hours ago, Fuego said:

...

It is still boggling to remember that our Vice Pres is a staunch Christian, and that there are millions of such in the country intent on ushering in The Kingdom through laws.

 

Note that South Dakota just passed a law requiring all schools to display the motto "In God We Trust." The law says the motto must be posted in a prominent place, and specifies its minimum size.

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About 2 years ago, 2 former county councilors obliged a woman by putting that in metal letters over the heads of the councilors in their hearing room. Christians love to rub that in everyone's faces. Those guys were both corrupt, one is fairly rich, the other works for Trump now in DC doing nothing. 

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Last year the city council here put it up in the council chambers against the wishes of some local clergy, believe it or not. Said clergy wanted to maintain the separation.

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Well, first of all I do not know enough about cultural anthropology. 

 

           But sexuality IS dangerous. I mean, unregulated pregnancy is a social and biological danger for the community. I mean the fact that one parent families are somehow less able for child rearing that two parent houses seems obvious, as an example, although, yes , I am aware of non monogamous cultures around the world. This was just an example to show that sex is not without dangers. 

           Second, disease, sexual and other transmitted.

           Third, there have been and still are many crimes of passion.

           So I can see why I strict enforcement and control of eroticism seemed necessary. It was kind of practical in many ways.

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The 50% divorce rate is a hotly debated topic. That number was reached back in the 70s by looking at the risk factors, multiply by the percentage of population getting married and dump every group of people into the one big bucket. 

What is seen is poor people, mixed smokers, mix religions, unexpected children before marriage, young marriages, multiple marriages etc all increase your chances, but for most white middle class families the divorce rate is half that. 

The current generation has a good attitude and are marrying later with more success. Millennials have a 18% drop in divorce compared to the previous generation. 

Each year in the US there are 2.4m marriages and 800k divorces (~30%), leading to the highest total number of marriages ever (60m total married couples).

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