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Christopherhays

Homeschooled, indoctrinated, and now in recovery 🤕

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Hey everyone 

 

I just wanted to introduce myself. I was homeschooled through a very legalistic Baptist church all through pre-k to high school graduation, all my friends were also homeschooled by the same baptist church. Everything I knew about the world was essentially filtered through the church until I was 18. I remember some crazy rules like no music in headphones, no movies, no kissing before marriage, no “non-christian” friends etc... literally all my family including aunts, uncles, and cousins belonged to this church (and also homeschooled) I have about 7 pastors in my immediate circle of influence, including my brother, father, best friend growing up and his dad, and a few cousins. I was essentially trained to follow the same path and in my effort to become a good fundamentalist baptist pastor, I lost my faith. It took about 2 years of seriously studying apologetics to realize it was a losing argument. Now I’ve quit the church, started a business that operates on Sunday, and started dating a catholic (oh my!) so I’m very much the family disappointment and still trying to recover from that psychologically. 

 

You all are the first people I’ve really talked to about this and I really appreciate the forum and the opportunity to talk with like minded people. Cheers!

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Wow, it must be very hard for you to leave all that behind.  Even when I was a Christian parent, we let our kids listen to music of their choice and when teenagers go out on dates. No movies? That's pretty strict.   Good for you making your life better!  

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We did watch some highly filtered Christian movies, I remember Aladdin and Pocahontas and a few other Disney movies being strictly off limits but veggie tales and stuff was always on lol... but it was going to the movies that was considered a sin... the idea was even if you saw a good movie, there are other bad movies at the theater and it’s sinful to associate with places like that. I remember we had a respected member mention something about Rocky Balboa in a church meeting and he was asked to step down from leadership because of it and eventually asked to leave... there was way more crazy rules too but the main point is they’re the kind of people that judge you for literally everything, so that’s sorta my Christian experience.

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Welcome and congrats, Chris, for getting out. We hope you'll stick around. With your background you'd be an asset to the debates in the Lion's Den.

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Just now, older said:

Welcome and congrats, Chris, for getting out. We hope you'll stick around. With your background you'd be an asset to the debates in the Lion's Den.

 

Thanks! I’m sure I’ll find my way there soon :)

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Welcome to Ex-C, Christopherhays...like Older said, congrats on getting out. That's a big deal :)

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Welcome!  What you did takes a lot of courage. 

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So glad that you were able to free yourself! This is a great site for support and we’re happy to have you join! Hope that you have an easy and highly encouraged road to recovery! 

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Wow. The cult never ceases to amaze me. My niece and nephew were raised with very strict filtering. Now that they are teens they are getting out more, but still have a filtered view of reality. 

 

I remember as a believer studying cults and then trying to relate how they operate to my fellow believers, and being asked "How is that different from what we do?" Oops! It took another 25 years before I realized I was part of a cult, a big one but a cult. 

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Welcome to the board! It is good to be free of your strict upbringing. Congratulations on getting out!

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On 8/2/2019 at 2:37 PM, Christopherhays said:

You all are the first people I’ve really talked to about this and I really appreciate the forum and the opportunity to talk with like minded people. Cheers!

 

Welcome aboard, Christopher! So glad you figured it out at your age. I was 52 years old when I realized it was all BS!

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Welcome to Ex-C, @Christopherhays.

 

I never had  any chil'ns but it seems to me that an effective means of turning them off the religion (and their parents) is to bridal them relentlessly.

 

My stepson is hopelessly strict and fundy and I have watched the two oldest granddaughters cut up quite a bit. Nothing dangerous - sex with boyz and the like. We'll see how #3 turns out.

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On 8/2/2019 at 9:28 PM, Christopherhays said:

the idea was even if you saw a good movie, there are other bad movies at the theater and it’s sinful to associate with places like that.

 

Mrs. MOHO had a friend, quite a bit older, who was raised in the Ozarks. 5th-grade education and with a holier than thou, self-righteous, pious, narcissistic, smarter than anyone who ever lived approach to life. He proclaimed to wifey, one day,  that the Internet is full of porn and we should all avoid it. If you use it at all you are committing adultery. Her attitude while telling me this is that our old friend is soooooo smart and has such a wonderful relationship with God.

 

Mrs. MOHO revealed this conversation to me whilst browsing away. 

"Well now there Love. Are YOU, right now, committing adultery.

"NO!:

"But you realize you are surfing the interwebs, right?"

 

That was one of many times when her only response was to shout my first name with a demeanor of contempt and scorn that conveys that I should not attempt using logic and reason - especially when she is doing her damnedest to measure up to the xtian hypocrisy that we all know and loath.

 

Yes, @Christopherhays, religion - especially the xtian varietals - does lend itself to fear and control mongering. It definitely provides a synergistic effect when combined with other control techniques and personalities. 

 

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Congratulations Christopherhays! It really is amazing you were able to work your way out of that trap they had set for you. You sound so calm and settled too. I am always curious as to what could make Christianity compelling. After all that apologetic study what person/book did you find most compelling? What specific argument best supports believing christianity/the bible is true.

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Rules are good as long as you don't have to follow them.

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On 8/2/2019 at 3:37 PM, Christopherhays said:

Now I’ve quit the church, started a business that operates on Sunday, and started dating a catholic (oh my!) so I’m very much the family disappointment and still trying to recover from that psychologically. 

Welcome, @Christopherhays! You are not a disappointment, and I am proud of you and people like you who show courage and perseverance under a great risk of alienation and manipulation! Glad you're here.

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21 hours ago, DanForsman said:

Congratulations Christopherhays! It really is amazing you were able to work your way out of that trap they had set for you. You sound so calm and settled too. I am always curious as to what could make Christianity compelling. After all that apologetic study what person/book did you find most compelling? What specific argument best supports believing christianity/the bible is true.

 

Thanks! 

 

Everyone I grew up respecting was wrong about this. That was the hardest thing to admit. I started doubting at around 18 but I didn’t think so many smart people could be so wrong... 

 

I was never really a Christian because I found specific people/arguments compelling. That said, Dinesh D’Souza and Mike Licona were my favorite apologists. There are a number of books and speakers that sound very compelling if you only hear the arguments from one side. 

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22 hours ago, MOHO said:

Yes, @Christopherhays, religion - especially the xtian varietals - does lend itself to fear and control mongering. It definitely provides a synergistic effect when combined with other control techniques and personalities. 

 

 

 

Your absolutely right about the fear and control.  I had a friend while in the 9th grade named Kenny. He was a few years older than me and honestly one of the nicest people you could know. I remember feeling very disconnected from the other church kids at the time. There wasn’t many people my age and the social gap between ages seems to peak during freshman year... I still don’t know if Kenny would look out for me because he genuinely liked me, or because he knew what it was like to feel disconnected. Kenny was a non practicing homosexual. He had been a converted Christian for a few years and actively participated in church counseling. I remember him opening up a few times about his struggles but I had no idea what to say at the time. He had same sex attraction and he knew it was a sin. A sin he never once acted on, but thinking about it was just as bad. He lived every day knowing something was wrong with him and he couldn’t figure out how to fix it. I knew Kenny for about a year and a half before he committed suicide. I would give anything to go back to those moments and say something different...

 

This is exactly why forums like this need to exist. People in these Christian communities are being psychologically abused. People are afraid to even think! How could you tell someone they deserve to burn for eternity because of attractions they’ve never even acted on! People  form crazy thoughts before they even know what they’re thinking... it’s NOT the same as acting on it! I was fortunate not to experience the same bigotry as Kenny, but I was told that doubt is the only sin god won’t forgive... another thought crime that I was hopelessly guilty of. I remember weeping and begging for forgiveness because of thoughts of doubt I had. I didn’t even know if I’d committed the “unforgivable sin” or not but I was absolutely terrified of it. The absurd thing is doubt isn’t even a choice. It’s not a violation you can actively commit or not commit. Either you’re convinced or not convinced, and I was helplessly unconvinced. 

 

I’m out of all that now. My biggest regret is not bringing Kenny out with me. I didn’t know enough back then to even help myself... there are countless others still trapped in these situations so I hope you all continue to provide this community of support. I truly appreciate everyone who took the time to leave a comment, it means allot 👍👍

 

 

 

 

 

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10 hours ago, Christopherhays said:

I’m out of all that now. My biggest regret is not bringing Kenny out with me. I didn’t know enough back then to even help myself... there are countless others still trapped in these situations so I hope you all continue to provide this community of support. I truly appreciate everyone who took the time to leave a comment, it means allot 👍👍

Kenny’s story is a sad one. I can’t understand why Christians don’t see a story like that and not realize their prejudices are to blame. And it happens over and over again. Do they not know the stories? Would they even care? How do they think such prejudice is love?

If Christians had their way, everyone would be a carbon copy of their version of the “perfect Christian.” Why fight so hard to be something you’re not? Why go through life constantly striving to be something supposedly “greater” than a human being? Why deny and attempt to control thoughts and feelings that aren’t conscious choices to begin with?

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On 8/6/2019 at 11:59 PM, Christopherhays said:

 

 

Your absolutely right about the fear and control.  I had a friend while in the 9th grade named Kenny. He was a few years older than me and honestly one of the nicest people you could know. I remember feeling very disconnected from the other church kids at the time. There wasn’t many people my age and the social gap between ages seems to peak during freshman year... I still don’t know if Kenny would look out for me because he genuinely liked me, or because he knew what it was like to feel disconnected. Kenny was a non practicing homosexual. He had been a converted Christian for a few years and actively participated in church counseling. I remember him opening up a few times about his struggles but I had no idea what to say at the time. He had same sex attraction and he knew it was a sin. A sin he never once acted on, but thinking about it was just as bad. He lived every day knowing something was wrong with him and he couldn’t figure out how to fix it. I knew Kenny for about a year and a half before he committed suicide. I would give anything to go back to those moments and say something different...

 

This is exactly why forums like this need to exist. People in these Christian communities are being psychologically abused. People are afraid to even think! How could you tell someone they deserve to burn for eternity because of attractions they’ve never even acted on! People  form crazy thoughts before they even know what they’re thinking... it’s NOT the same as acting on it! I was fortunate not to experience the same bigotry as Kenny, but I was told that doubt is the only sin god won’t forgive... another thought crime that I was hopelessly guilty of. I remember weeping and begging for forgiveness because of thoughts of doubt I had. I didn’t even know if I’d committed the “unforgivable sin” or not but I was absolutely terrified of it. The absurd thing is doubt isn’t even a choice. It’s not a violation you can actively commit or not commit. Either you’re convinced or not convinced, and I was helplessly unconvinced. 

 

I’m out of all that now. My biggest regret is not bringing Kenny out with me. I didn’t know enough back then to even help myself... there are countless others still trapped in these situations so I hope you all continue to provide this community of support. I truly appreciate everyone who took the time to leave a comment, it means allot 👍👍

 

 

 

 

 

Well, it is important to know that guilt traps are a staple of mind control and abusive relationships.  Why? Well a lot of times you are charged with imaginary faults then are offered imaginary cures. These produce 1. A very low sense of self worth. 2. A sense of gratitude and commitment to your saviour. I am not saying this is what is happenibg all the time in christianity, but is something to think about. 

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16 hours ago, Myrkhoos said:

Well a lot of times you are charged with imaginary faults then are offered imaginary cures.

I've previously compared this to many consumer products. Convince the gullible that they have a problem and then introduce the product you're selling that can solve the problem. Your hair is too straight, too curly, too oily, too dry, and the wrong color, you stink, your teeth are too yellow, your feet smell, and your sex life sucks. But if you buy my hair gel, my deodorant, my toothpaste, my foot powder, and the sports car I'm selling, all your problems will go away.

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2 hours ago, older said:

I've previously compared this to many consumer products. Convince the gullible that they have a problem and then introduce the product you're selling that can solve the problem. Your hair is too straight, too curly, too oily, too dry, and the wrong color, you stink, your teeth are too yellow, your feet smell, and your sex life sucks. But if you buy my hair gel, my deodorant, my toothpaste, my foot powder, and the sports car I'm selling, all your problems will go away.

Advertising these days is basically mind control , the light version.

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On 8/2/2019 at 3:37 PM, Christopherhays said:

Hey everyone 

 

I just wanted to introduce myself. I was homeschooled through a very legalistic Baptist church all through pre-k to high school graduation, all my friends were also homeschooled by the same baptist church. Everything I knew about the world was essentially filtered through the church until I was 18. I remember some crazy rules like no music in headphones, no movies, no kissing before marriage, no “non-christian” friends etc... literally all my family including aunts, uncles, and cousins belonged to this church (and also homeschooled) I have about 7 pastors in my immediate circle of influence, including my brother, father, best friend growing up and his dad, and a few cousins. I was essentially trained to follow the same path and in my effort to become a good fundamentalist baptist pastor, I lost my faith. It took about 2 years of seriously studying apologetics to realize it was a losing argument. Now I’ve quit the church, started a business that operates on Sunday, and started dating a catholic (oh my!) so I’m very much the family disappointment and still trying to recover from that psychologically. 

 

You all are the first people I’ve really talked to about this and I really appreciate the forum and the opportunity to talk with like minded people. Cheers!

 

Welcome Christopherhays!!!

 

You're among a lot of people with similar backgrounds in fundamentalist upbringing. Getting out and away is a process....

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