offorrest Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Hello everyone, It has been a few months since I've discovered this site and for the first time didn't feel alone in my frustration with the christian faith. I was familiar with different denominations. From megachurches to pentecostals. As a teen I simply wanted to understand the faith before choosing to be born again. But I was mentally weak and gave in to the pressure. With pain in my heart I consoled myself with so much punishment that would somehow make me a better person. I doubted my conversion because it wasn't my will. All I wanted was assurance for the end of my days. All I wanted was comfort but it never seemed to come my way. I watched everyone find consolance, meet Jesus. I was simply counting my days. My life was not that awesome, all the things I loved I had put it away. From music to expression, my curiosity which was endless, I made my life an oppression, my darkest pits seemed bottomless. I saw a light in my obsession for everything that made life better. I saw a life that could only be lived once. If only I knew better. Better than when I was 17. Now I am 23. I don't want the bible to be a good thing, a helper. I don't want my examples (idols) to say the bible helped them. I don't want the bible to be the truth. I don't want the bible to show me my identity. I don't want the bible to tell me what to do. I don't want the bible to represent true beauty. Because to me, the bible wasn't helpful nor a good thing. The bible made people's spirits enemies. The bible told me my thoughts&feelings weren't true. The bible told me I was unworthy. The bible didn't inspire me, it told me what to do. The bible made me fear my true beauty. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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