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offorrest

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Hello everyone, 

 

It has been a few months since I've discovered this site and for the first time didn't feel alone in my frustration with the christian faith. I was familiar with different denominations. From megachurches to pentecostals. 

 

As a teen I simply wanted to understand the faith before choosing to be born again. But I was mentally weak and gave in to the pressure. With pain in my heart I consoled myself with so much punishment that would somehow make me a better person. I doubted my conversion because it wasn't my will. All I wanted was assurance for the end of my days. All I wanted was comfort but it never seemed to come my way. I watched everyone find consolance, meet Jesus. I was simply counting my days. My life was not that awesome, all the things I loved I had put it away. From music to expression, my curiosity which was endless, I made my life an oppression, my darkest pits seemed bottomless.

 

I saw a light in my obsession for everything that made life better. I saw a life that could only be lived once. If only I knew better. Better than when I was 17. Now I am 23. 

 

I don't want the bible to be a good thing, a helper. I don't want my examples (idols) to say the bible helped them. I don't want the bible to be the truth. I don't want the bible to show me my identity. I don't want the bible to tell me what to do. I don't want the bible to represent true beauty.

 

Because to me, the bible wasn't helpful nor a good thing. The bible made people's spirits enemies. The bible told me my thoughts&feelings weren't true. The bible told me I was unworthy. The bible didn't inspire me, it told me what to do. The bible made me fear my true beauty.

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Hey @offorrest.

 

Nice poem. Lot's 'O truth and familiarity there.

 

Christianity comes with so many regulations regarding what you cannot indulge in (anything) and is one red flag that it is focused on control and manipulation. Denying people normal, natural pleasures seems to us humans to indicate that a doctrine is genuine and authentic for some reason.

 

Welcome to the forums.

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

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Thank you for your reply. I'm glad it resonates with other people.

 

I'm trying to make sense of that reasoning too.

 

Thanks to all of you on this website I found the guts to explore the human psyche outside of guidelines of the faith. And I was just blown away. Most recently by this video: 

 

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The really good news for you offorrest is that there is nothing at all that would make an objective person think that the Bible is either extraordinary or true. Maybe that is why 2/3s of the humans on our earth believe something else better explains what the real truth is. A quick look will show you it looks manmade because it is.The fastest growing religion is Islam so if there is a Holy Spirit part of the Christian god it doesn’t seem to be very persuasive or powerful if a religion can do better without it. My point isn’t to waste valuable time studying every point but rather to feel confident that Christianity is just made up by primitive tribesmen as it appears to be so you are free to use you god given ability to reason to decide for yourself what if anything lies beyond what we can clearly see and even whether or not it matters. Fundamental evangelical Christian religions especially can create some amazingly joyless states in at least some of us so you were very wise to walk away from your church. Don’t bother to look back because there are so many better ways to guide your life that actually make sense.

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@DanForsman

 

that's really good advice. I have been thinking of something similar: 
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” 

 

There was one thing that made me look back. Recently I applied for this private business school that I was so enthusiastic about and they adviced me to read a book by Napoleon Hill on positive thinking, who ironically references the bible. And it triggered me all over again and I doubt that I should get with their program which is led by Napoleons ideas.

 

But you're totally right, I should just feel confident about my decision and indeed not waiste my valuable time trying to study every bit.

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Hi and welcome to Ex-C, Offorrest :)

I had my childhood stolen by the pentecostal cult and it still haunts me even now, some 30 odd years later. There's comfort in knowing that you're not alone...which is why I'm here. I get a lot more out of this site than I ever got from the f*ckin cult. Good that you're here :)

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On 8/2/2019 at 3:52 PM, offorrest said:

The bible told me I was unworthy.

It always boggled me how these churches that claim a "good" and "benevolent" god also really lay in in thick how unworthy you are and how much that same god hates everything you do and is disappointed in you. The reason why they are so intent on destroying your sense of self worth is so that you'll fork over your power and your money...

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