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Dreamer

Our House Divided

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With my sibling, Blue, and my recent rejections to the faith there has been a lot of tension in the house. Although we have not outright claimed our lack of faith, our parents seem to suspect something is different for the both of us, but they can't seem to pin down what it is. Apparently, I have a better poker face than I thought and am very good at lying in a manner that diverts attention to the real problem??

Anyway, whenever our parents leave the house, Blue and I are able to have our own discussions about the abuse we are facing and the religious trauma that we have experienced. A lot of these discussions have a lot of screaming into the empty house about how much we hate our lives and our parents and their beliefs. Whenever our parents go to bed, we are able to stay up and share encouragement with one another through this terrible oppression. We have a lot of panic attacks and sessions of just plain crying that go unseen by our parents.

If anyone is going through the same thing right now, I would love to hear your story and how you are coping. Maybe there are others who have gone through this that have any means that they are able to share that helped them conceal their true thoughts and beliefs from their religious relatives. Maybe if there's a forum or site or book that explains ways to act like a Christian that aren't actually detrimental to one's own mental health? Going to church just induces panic attacks now because my father can preach from the pulpit with his sermon directly aimed at making me feel guilt.

Another thing I was wondering, has anyone left religion to get mental help and found themselves suffering from a lot of mental illnesses? If so, have you been able to silence the voice of religion telling you that you're blowing everything out of proportion?

I've also noticed that all of the division in the house has caused the family dog a lot of distress. I've read that dogs are able to detect depression and anxiety. The family dog has become a little detached from my mother and more attached to my sibling and I. Our dog will almost only eat meals now if we convince her to and sit with her. Has anyone gone on to get emotional support animals or service dogs? Are they available for people suffering from this kind of emotional abuse?

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All my life I have found dogs to be great companions and emotional support.   When i was 11 years of age my blue tic hound helped me through a difficult period.  He was always there to listen, wag his tail, and give me a lick.  At 78 my Borgie does the same.

 

How old are you and Blue?  I take it you are too young and/or dependent to leave home??  Sometimes we just have to bide our time until there is opportunity to leave.  Meanwhile, involve yourselves with people and activities that are safe and fulfilling.

 

Are you in an isolated area?  Or urban?  It would help to know more specifics about your situation.

 

P.S.  I just read your testimony.  I think every suggestion I would have can be found there.  Especially about finding support groups and counseling through college resources.  Another suggestion.  Put your gender and location with your identifying information, unless you want insulation from being identified.  It would help in knowing how to respond to your posts without going back and reading all your posts.

 

Also, I had a female cousin that had an abusive home.  She took summer classes, worked part time, and stayed at college to avoid going home.  Lived with a friend during the few weeks the dorm was closed.  You are an adult now and probably have more options than you realize.  TRUST YOURSELF,  don't slip into being too dependent on someone other than your parents, which people in your situation sometimes do, AND HANG IN THERE 

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Here are a couple of places you can turn to to get help with mental health issues: 

 

The AMHD Crisis Line of Hawaii provides a team of trained and experienced professionals to help individuals in times of a mental health crisis. The Crisis Line of Hawaii is there to help you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. On Oahu, call at 832-3100. On the neighbor islands, call toll-free at 1-800-753-6879.

 

http://www.namihawaii.org/

 

I know that you've gotten some other good referrals in other threads as well… and at some point, you have to USE some of these phone numbers or websites and start talking to people who can assist you. I know it can be scary and hard, but there's a limit to what anonymous strangers online can do for you, especially on a forum that's not about sexual abuse or mental health. You are young, your sibling is still a minor, and you need expert help from real people in your area. The next time that the two of you are alone in the house, instead of crying together, please, please, PLEASE contact one of these organizations that can help you get out of that house!!

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