Funerals

[Wertbag]

Recently I've had a couple of people I know have deaths in their families and my grandma passed away a few months ago. What I found, in those cases, the person specifically asked not to have a funeral. They said they didn't want the family having the financial burden, they weren't around to enjoy the show, and many people grieve in different ways. 

A bare bones funeral can be $5k while the average is probably closer to $10k. Our family all agreed that a family gathering, more like a memorial service at someone's house, was preferred. What I'm wondering is whether this is a modern idea that is getting more common, or is it just an anomaly? Perhaps it is a secular idea and the religious still prefer the ceremony? 

[Derek]

I've seen a little of that here too...around here it's more typical of a religious family to have a long, drawn-out, expensive funeral while secular families sometimes don't do the ceremony. The secular approach was virtually unheard of a few years ago, but it does seem to be happening a little more these days.

[florduh]

I've seen a few funerals in my time, and the only religious one was for my fundy father, crafted by his fundy wife at that time. It was horrendous.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Just went to one for a related family member. They lived in the old parsonage for the local Presbyterian church, so it was a natural for them to have that pastor officiate. There were some hymns and a few verses about heaven and such, nothing very preachy. It mostly was to provide some closure for family that lived in different cities. I saw and reconnected with some family I hadn't seen for years. The meth heads related to the deceased ransacked at least one car while the service was going. That drug is their religion and life. Overall it was a good reunion, lots of hugs, and spent time with a nephew driving him back to the airport. 

[older]

We've been through six for close family and none were big extravaganzas. Two were at churches because they were active there, but expenses were minimal. Another was at a church because the deceased was young and (a) the mom wanted it there and (b) we knew that about 500 people would show up. The fourth was a veteran and it was done at the veteran's cemetery by the VA. Number five was just five people at our house. Number six was no ceremony, no gathering, nothing, according to the wishes of the s.o. In all cases there was no casket, no hearse or procession, no graveside etc. Food was volunteer potluck type. All were cremations.

 

Cremated remains were: 1. Spread at sea; 2. and 3. kept by survivors; 4. and 5. Buried in cemetery; 6. Spread by family in a place that had been special to the person.

 

I don't think even the most expensive of these cost more than a couple of thousand, and that one mostly due to a donation to the church that hosted it.

[TEG]

I agree with Lou Grant:  “I don’t want anybody to make any fuss.  When I go, I just want to be stood outside in the garbage with my hat on.”

[◊ Weezer ◊]

I have seen a few "celebrations of life" recently.  Even a few weeks after the death.  Gatherings at city and county parks, slide shows, videos, of the deceased, and people telling stories about the deceased, etc.  Photos instead of viewing the body.   Several cremated.