Jump to content
Kdeaustin

New here, looking for encouragement

Recommended Posts

4 minutes ago, Kdeaustin said:

Yeah I’m hoping I like this secular counselor I’ve contacted. It’s hard because my husband isn’t really an intellectual thinker. I mean he’s smart but he just doesn’t think like I do. He’s a diesel mechanic. He can fix and build anything. And he’s really smart at that kind of stuff. And a really genuinely kind person. But as far as the questions and stuff I have he doesn’t think the way I do. He also doesn’t understand my anxiety because he’s never struggled with it. He tries to understand, but I know he doesn’t. He tells me he wishes he could trade places with me, but he still doesn’t understand. So it’s hard for me to talk to him about this stuff. He just believes because he’s been taught to believe and I think the thought of him not believing is scary for him. So I try not to convince him of anything. This has been hard enough for me. I don’t want him to go through anything like that too. So it’s just hard not having many unbelievers to talk to. My husband does believe in annihilation though. He’s always just believed that. I wish I could just believe that. 

 

Talking with a secular mental health professional is a good idea.  Be patient.  It can take time to find the right therapist and then further time to address the issues.

 

Fortunately, you seem to have high levels of introspective and honest intellect, which will serve you well.  Your emotional and psychological health, however, appears damaged.  Work on those parts.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi KD:

Glad you've contacted a secular counselor. One of the things that counseling does is to show you that you are not alone with this; and that in itself is a big help.

 

It's hard when your rational mind and your emotional mind go in different, conflicting directions. All of us have those conflicts; it just depends on the specific issue and the severity of it. You will beat this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

      To me universal salvation seems the only logically and emotionally satisfying answer. But foremost on a knowledge level. For example, can you really think that the Devil actualy wins? Because in that presentation, the Devil gets his own eternal kindgdom to do evil. So evil will be permanent. This only one of the contradictions. 

        I would not say that necesarrily he is not an intelectuall thinker, but this is an experience which is very , very, almost impossible to understand from the outside. I would venture to say that a temporary or permanent deconversion is as spiritual as a conversion experience. There many intellectuals in the Christian tradition who would not understand you. And this is not about abstract reasoning, it is an existental angst and problem. Most people, consciously or unconsciously refuse to deal with this issue unless extremely forced to. You will read many stories of conversion AND deconversion following very big events, like a death of a child, meeting people from different religions totally different that you thought they will be, casuing massive cognitive dissonance,etc.

     You seem to be grieveing. It is totally normal. As in totally normal. Think of like someone very close to you, child, husband, dying by a freak accident. And it is worse, in some way, with one s worldview. Your identity is fueled and constructed around this faith. Your brain, your psyche sees God as a real being. His dissapereance is received emotionally as the death of a parent when a child is very young, even though your rational mind might say it is not real. But the attachment is VERY real. Neurologically real I would say. So it is a real death you are experiencing. Of yourself, and of your very loved on. Or are about to feel. So of course you feel extreme fear and danger. Your psyche fears immediate extinction so anxiety is a natural response to that. It is trying to resolve contradictions, or to reach a new state of equilibrium. You are at least experiencing a total paradigm shift. 

       Other people as we say exist only as images in our head. The other self is just collected bundle of ideas, thoughts, expectations, emotions, etc. That is why when some finds out their husband has been cheating they say I do not know who you are anymore. Because their image has been seriously damaged and they need to construct a new one. So a death of a worldview means the death of every image you have of everyone. Because Christianity, for example, has a special way of looking at people and their relantionship. A man is this, these are the elements etc, a marriage is like this, etc. So it is like the world suddenly disspears, or dies right in front of you. I mean, if you stop thinking you have a soul, and your husband has a soul, and that monogamy is not divinely mandated, etc, this alters fundamentally how you view your relationship. The relationship can remain, but it WILL change dramatically, if not on the outside, on its way of seeing it. 

       The desire to connect to people who have had the same xperience, the close, physical presence is again extremely normal. We are social creatures and seek usually to live our experiences communally. Be it the birth if a child, a faith, or anything else. And you are experience death, a taste of real death in its ugliest and most dramatic form. Fortunately, even in nature, from the dead bodies grow plants and other life. So there, after all, life after death. And most life feeds on the death of others. I mean you eat the plants and drink the natural which is made out of the elements of maybe who knows how many dead people, in some amount. 

      you are dying right now. Psychologically. But a new you will be born probably after this. But, as even Christianity says, psychologically dyeing and rebirthing requires help, nourishment, and that is where good types of therapy, from different types maybe, Idk can really help. 

      

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/30/2019 at 8:16 AM, Kdeaustin said:

Or anyway I can get a personal interview with Bart Erhman? Haha jk. 


Bart Ehrman has a book coming out soon about the invention of heaven and hell:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Heaven-Hell-Afterlife-Bart-Ehrman/dp/1501136739

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If there is such a thing as a benevolent god then surely he would see your suffering and understand your dilemma. And he would know exactly what it would take to convince you that Christianity is true. Why does he remain silent? How is that fair??

The conclusion I eventually reached was that an interventionist god does not exist.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/28/2019 at 6:07 PM, Kdeaustin said:

I wanted to let everyone know I’m not ignoring y’all. I’ve just been struggling with some things. I know you all are not believers. And I really tried to convince myself it wasn’t true. But the conviction that it is true is still there. I think it is true. I know the evidence for it not being is compelling but I think the evidence for it being true is compelling too. And I was reading some things like night about God’s character and things I thought were not good about his character in the Bible (like the story of the bears and the children) but I listened to a quick video on it and realized there was an explanation for this scene in the Bible that made sense in part. There are some things I will never understand about the God of the Bible. Ever. But I realized if He is real then I know His character cannot change. And if the word is true then He is good. So everything that He does is good and for a purpose. I started crying because I realized I need God and I need Jesus. I’ve never truly known Him I don’t think. And maybe that’s why He has allowed me to go through this to truly come to know Him. Idk. Or maybe I’m wrong and it isn’t all real. I think it is though. I felt a lot of love for God in that moment like my chest was going to burst out with love. But then it went away and I’m back to feeling anxious. But it seems like salvation is so easy in the Bible right? Just believe on Jesus name? If I believe Jesus is the Son of God and died for me on the cross, I hope that means I’m saved. 

 

When I was newly deconverting, I prayed once that god would not reject me for doubting, researching, questioning and seeking the truth. And I left it at that, trusting the goodness of the god I believed in. It really helped me have peace about my situation. I know its easier said than done when you have anxiety. 

 

Here's some internet stranger advice so take it for what it's worth...I think you could use a break from this. Focus on your pregnancy and getting healthy for your baby. This is what matters most right now. Your existential crisis can wait, you dont need to have everything figured out. Pregnancy and postpartum can be challenging enough on their own and you need to save some mental energy for that. Be aware that you have risk factors for postpartum depression and anxiety and you are going to have a newborn to care for as well. I dont say this to scare you but so that you can prepare yourself. Hopefully you and your therapist can find some helpful ways to manage your anxiety. If you haven't already, discuss your medications with your doctor. They may not be the best combination for you, you may need to change dosage or add an antidepressant, etc.

 

Congratulations on the baby! I'm rooting for you. Hugs. ❤️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to reply to everyone. But I don’t know how.... do I have to quote everyone or is there a way to simply reply to a post??? 
 

Also, I contacted Aaron Ra lol, and he said he would be happy to video chat with me and discuss some of my hang ups which I thought was really cool. I also chatted with the couple who runs the voices of deconversion podcast and they were really nice and super helpful!!! I video chatted them and it was helpful to get out everything I was feeling to people who had walked the walk. 
 

 

These are the thoughts that I am kinda at now:

 

it says Jesus paid the price for sin. Jesus died. Jesus wasn’t in hell. He died. So it seems the price of sin is death. Permanent death. Which I still don’t understand how he paid that price. But I guess him raising from the dead was him beating death. But then.... other people rose from the dead supposedly in the Bible.......

 

I would think paying the price would mean fully paying the price. I don’t understand how that was accomplished without enduring the price of death permanently, whether  eternal hell or permanent death. If you murdered someone and I took the punishment for you, whatever that may be.. death or jail time. In order to “take your place” I have to take the full punishment for you. So I don’t quite understand... 

 

 

I’ve also been thinking, if you read the verse about blasphemy of the Holy Spirit it’s extremely vague. There’s many commentaries about it, but those are mere speculation. I would think an intelligent being could look into the future to see how such a vague passage would cause many distress & would want to explain it further for clarity ( I think the same thing about salvation since it seems to be such a misunderstood doctrine). However, a human would not be able to fully understand the ramifications of such vague information for years to come. They were merely writing what they witnessed or what made sense to them. Many important doctrines are vague in the Bible. Does it make more sense that the ambiguity is the product of humans or an intelligent being who wants all to be with him? Seems if it was the latter there would be no room for scrutiny and confusion. And one can’t say it’s merely the devil causing confusion because it’s the Holy scripture that is confusing. And no one group of Christians have been able to agree on important doctrines since the beginning of Christianity. To me, more and more, seems like the product of man and less and less the inspiration of a deity. 
 

 

BUT on the other hand the verse that talks about things being folly to the unbeliever scares me.... 

 

Because “Christians” just seem to “get it”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Kd -

I really feel for you right now - you seem SUPER conflicted and anxious.

 

The best advice I can give you for this moment in your life is:

 

IT IS OK TO "NOT KNOW"

 

We so desperately want to resolve the conflict because it is uncomfortable.

 

EMBRACE the uncertainty you feel right now and don't force a resolution.  Allow the conflicting "truths" in your mind to coexist.  Time will allow you to untangle the jumble.  For now, just get to know your jumble and hold it without the urge to untangle it.

 

Allow "not knowing" to be a PEACEFUL resting place on your journey.

 

It's ok to not know and it's ok to spend some time (weeks months or even years) there.

 

The key is figuring out how to make peace with not knowing.

 

Resist all of the pressures and threats others and you are placing on yourself to find a quick solution.

 

I have found great peace as an agnostic.  I don't know if God is there or not and I am perfectly content and at peace not knowing.  I have sufficient reason to disblieve the claims of the bible so I live as though it is not inspired/inerrant/authoritative.  But beyond that, I enjoy the mystery of life.

 

I don't live near you, but I'd be happy to connect via phone.  Feel free to pm me.

 

Hang in there and give yourself some space to not know. 😃

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Kdeaustin said:

I want to reply to everyone. But I don’t know how.... do I have to quote everyone or is there a way to simply reply to a post??? 
 

Also, I contacted Aaron Ra lol, and he said he would be happy to video chat with me and discuss some of my hang ups which I thought was really cool. I also chatted with the couple who runs the voices of deconversion podcast and they were really nice and super helpful!!! I video chatted them and it was helpful to get out everything I was feeling to people who had walked the walk. 
 

 

These are the thoughts that I am kinda at now:

 

it says Jesus paid the price for sin. Jesus died. Jesus wasn’t in hell. He died. So it seems the price of sin is death. Permanent death. Which I still don’t understand how he paid that price. But I guess him raising from the dead was him beating death. But then.... other people rose from the dead supposedly in the Bible.......

 

I would think paying the price would mean fully paying the price. I don’t understand how that was accomplished without enduring the price of death permanently, whether  eternal hell or permanent death. If you murdered someone and I took the punishment for you, whatever that may be.. death or jail time. In order to “take your place” I have to take the full punishment for you. So I don’t quite understand... 

 

 

I’ve also been thinking, if you read the verse about blasphemy of the Holy Spirit it’s extremely vague. There’s many commentaries about it, but those are mere speculation. I would think an intelligent being could look into the future to see how such a vague passage would cause many distress & would want to explain it further for clarity ( I think the same thing about salvation since it seems to be such a misunderstood doctrine). However, a human would not be able to fully understand the ramifications of such vague information for years to come. They were merely writing what they witnessed or what made sense to them. Many important doctrines are vague in the Bible. Does it make more sense that the ambiguity is the product of humans or an intelligent being who wants all to be with him? Seems if it was the latter there would be no room for scrutiny and confusion. And one can’t say it’s merely the devil causing confusion because it’s the Holy scripture that is confusing. And no one group of Christians have been able to agree on important doctrines since the beginning of Christianity. To me, more and more, seems like the product of man and less and less the inspiration of a deity. 
 

 

BUT on the other hand the verse that talks about things being folly to the unbeliever scares me.... 

 

Now why would those who wrote the Bible and had a vested interest in keeping people in the church, include such scare/manipulation tactics in the Bible? 🤔

The way the new testament in particular came to be is a story of competing interests, arguments and beliefs.  It's very far from the inspired, complete and true word of a creator as we are naively brainwashed to believe. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/3/2019 at 12:07 PM, Kdeaustin said:

 

 To me, more and more, seems like the product of man and less and less the inspiration of a deity. 

 

 

👍  That is the same conclusion I came to after over 30 years of contemplating the issues!!  The people who compiled the bible were masters at instilling fear and guilt. 

 

And as someone (I forgot who it was) mentioned above, I am much more at peace with myself after becoming a non-believer.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Weezer said:

The people who compiled the bible were masters at instilling fear and guilt. 

^  ^  ^

 

And at some point, the fear and guilt will go away and you'll feel a great weight lift from your shoulders.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I may have already asked this but I was just wondering like what was the final straw that broke the camels back with you all losing your faith? Like if you had to pick one core piece of evidence? 
 

 

I keep trying to rationalize with my self. But I’m so conditioned to think of bible verses like Gods ways are higher than our ways or like I’m storing up wrath or those that are perishing the gospel is foolish to them. 
 

I have watched videos on hell. And I feel like if Christianity is true then hell is either annihilation or universalism. But eternal torment has also been heavily advocated for... even in the early church. The verbiage is scary in the Bible. And people say hell is not consistent with a loving God, but is it not consistent with the God in the Old Testament? Idk.. it seems the God in the Old Testament punished people “here and now” kinda thing. Like “you’re not obeying me, I’m going to bring a drought” honestly I would prefer that. Idk. I just feel like I’m trapped and can’t get out.

 

it just is so frustrating to me because Christianity has never made sense to me like it did other people. I never understood the tree in the garden of Eden I never understood God making hell and then saving us from it. I never understood that. I never understood God making us deserving of a place like that. People say on judgement day (providing it’s real of course) we are going to feel the weight of our sin and know we have sinned against God... why doesn’t he just make us feel that now? So everyone can come to a saving faith if he is real? 
 

Sorry to keep posting about all this I’m just so lost :( I honestly wish my baby was here already to get my mind off of it. But then again I wish I wasn’t pregnant because I don’t want my child to ever have to face these questions and I don’t want to be responsible for leading them astray from the right thing and if there is a heaven I want them to go there no matter what. I wished for a miscarriage in the beginning of all this. It’s selfish I want this baby while going through all this :( 

  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It’s crazy because I always just assumed growing up that people thought it was as weird as I did... but alas, people genuinely feel thankful. I never felt that. Also when people would say “Hallelujah He is risen.” I legitimately never understood. Like not being rude or mean. I literally did not understand because I would say... well are you surprised? He’s God? Like I never understood the beating death thing. I’m like... of course He beat death... hes God. He invented death. I DONT GET IT. I don’t get how people see things any differently. I don’t get it. Honestly the whole situation to me is like me kidnapping someone and then killing my child so they can go free. I don’t understand. I legitimately don’t. But I’m so fearful that that verse about the perishing not understanding applying to me. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, Kdeaustin said:

 

I may have already asked this but I was just wondering like what was the final straw that broke the camels back with you all losing your faith? Like if you had to pick one core piece of evidence? 
 

 

I keep trying to rationalize with my self. But I’m so conditioned to think of bible verses like Gods ways are higher than our ways or like I’m storing up wrath or those that are perishing the gospel is foolish to them. 

 


“God’s ways are higher than our ways”.

This sentence is one of many in-built, phrases/protective mechanisms of christianity, which keep you from questioning and leaving. This realization was the final straw for my faith.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Kdeaustin said:

I may have already asked this but I was just wondering like what was the final straw that broke the camels back with you all losing your faith? Like if you had to pick one core piece of evidence? 

For me it was that unpardonable sin issue. That was the first inconsistency I couldn't ignore. It didn't take away my belief in God, but it did make it a lot easier to take a long, hard look at Christianity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well for me I think eternal hell. God knows when he created me if I will go to hell. So why bother? The issue is settled already.that is why me the only form of christianity than even merits my attention is universalism.

 

Second and very close place is that with the god s ways are highers than ours argument. Agreed. But any prophet any psychotic can say anything and get away with it by saying this. I mean if belief in higher authority is the ultimate answer why not Islam. God knows the Koran is full of this logic. The unbelievers will burn in hell. L ron hubbard said this. And so many others. So you need proof and some sort of critarea aka logic to discern. But I was constantly required to obey and renounce my own thoughts from most but not all people in the church. So I took a step or two back to figure it all out. 

 

Plus God is constantly portrayed as communicating his will and main ideas. The his ways are higher refers usually to the fact that we cannot be aware of everything all at once as he is or the depth of everything. BUT he could and did answer any question any man. St Athony of the desert fathers asked why sime people die young and some old. He was told not to concern himself with this. What was meant I think is that kind of accou tant thinking is just filling you up with useless details you do not have to worry about. But the main issues are to be known. And personal important ones. Every question that a created being has can be answered by its creator. Otherwise it is just weird. We have a mind good enough to ask but not strong enough to receive an answer?

 

 

By the way I HIGHLY recommend to anyone reading the koran. Or at least parts of it. And see what you fell about it, unclouded by previous fear. 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To those that perish the gospel is foolish is a no true scotsman fallacy by the way. But Paul s letters have more than once these fiery threats. He just seemed over the top one many occasions. A little bit too excited. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Kdeaustin said:

I may have already asked this but I was just wondering like what was the final straw that broke the camels back with you all losing your faith? Like if you had to pick one core piece of evidence? 
 

It wasn't evidence. It was not wanting to and not being willing to serve evil. I've quoted Dan Barker many times already here but will do so again as he sums it up: 

"I do understand what love is, and that is one of the reasons I can never again be a Christian. Love is not self denial. Love is not blood and suffering. Love is not murdering your son to appease your own vanity. Love is not hatred or wrath, consigning billions of people to eternal torture because they have offended your ego or disobeyed your rules. Love is not obedience, conformity, or submission. It is a counterfeit love that is contingent upon authority, punishment, or reward. True love is respect and admiration, compassion and kindness, freely given by a healthy, unafraid human being."

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I remember pondering, during my exit from Christianity, why I had been horrified in history class when we learned about the Aztecs killing and sacrificing their own children, and realizing I was completely immune to any such feeling regarding my own Christian belief, which amounted to the same thing with the story of Abraham and Isaac, the father who kills his daughter in the old testament, and the core story of Christianity itself. The only difference is that Christianity has become a successful meme, and millions believe it to be true because they've been desensitized to the horror at it's core and indoctrinated from a young age. Millions believe it to be true simply because so many other people have the same belief. 

It might seem disastrous right now, but one day you may be very grateful for your questioning and curious personality. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
30 minutes ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

I remember pondering, during my exit from Christianity, why I had been horrified in history class when we learned about the Aztecs killing and sacrificing their own children, and realizing I was completely immune to any such feeling regarding my own Christian belief, which amounted to the same thing with the story of Abraham and Isaac, the father who kills his daughter in the old testament, and the core story of Christianity itself.

Exactly. A God who can't/won't forgive unless He kills His Son, who is also Him. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope that God , if he exists, is not the God of the Christian Bible, as it seems to be read at first glance. I just hope so. Now. A being that shows its love, as John the Apostle puts it, by sacrificing his only begotten son is a vile, sickly, love. I will show how much I love by sending my son, not himself, to die. Not, in fact, by destroying evil, although I could, not by just forgiving you, not. And I also I will give you freedom, which is actually false, but I will say it is true, and make you think it is a gift, when it is only a risk. I will make you, force you , to think that the risk of losing something, vs the not having that risk is actually a risk, and actually better. Then I will choose only ONE kind of people, a backwards, savage, bloodthirsty desert one, play a game of intermittent gratification with them, either by punishing then by saving them from their enemies . The I will make a part of myself become human and die a tortureous death and advise everyone to do the same thing. Then anyone can come into bliss, which mean everlasting praising of myself. And this, my friends, is love, and humility, of which Jesus is the embodiment. I will like my whole teaching is that of a psychotic, so the wise will reject it, and only the fools, as Paul says, will accept it. I will the world with uncertainty and ask for complete faith. I will hide myself and ask for belief in my presence. I will as for impossible things and demand that you ask forgivenesss when you cannot do them. Yes, that I am.

 

Well, if that IS God, then...well...what can I say?I just hope he is not true. 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Kdeaustin said:

I may have already asked this but I was just wondering like what was the final straw that broke the camels back with you all losing your faith? Like if you had to pick one core piece of evidence? 

There wasn't one core piece. There were many pieces.

1. When I was about ten, thinking that I hadn't done anything wrong so how can I have sinned?

2. About the same age, sitting in church in uncomfortable clothes, being bored out of my mind and wondering why one of my two days of freedom each week was spoiled by this.

3. When I was about 12, wondering how there can be only one god yet there is the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. How can one be three?

4. A few years later, realizing that none of it makes any sense.

5. Finally, when sitting at a picnic table with friends and, in the middle of a conversation about something else, one friend made a rather out-of-context comment that he was an atheist. It suddenly dawned on me. Holy shit! So am I. No more nervousness, no more guilt, no more lingering doubts. Freedom.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Myrkhoos said:

To those that perish the gospel is foolish is a no true scotsman fallacy by the way. But Paul s letters have more than once these fiery threats. He just seemed over the top one many occasions. A little bit too excited. 

 

Where does he mention it at?? I haven't found it! Which is bringing me peace. Really the whole movement of Christianity was taught by Paul. And the only first hand accounts of anything we have (even though some were not in fact written by him and are just copies, but nonetheless). Paul teaches that he has shared all of "God's counsel." I don't see where he once warned of hell. He just talked about how the penalty of sin was death, but did not mention hell.. to my knowledge, which I could be wrong. But I don't see where he mentions eternal hell. I actually don't see eternal hell anywhere in the Bible with my rational mind, but my anxiety fear filled mind, says oh but its there. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

It wasn't evidence. It was not wanting to and not being willing to serve evil. I've quoted Dan Barker many times already here but will do so again as he sums it up: 

"I do understand what love is, and that is one of the reasons I can never again be a Christian. Love is not self denial. Love is not blood and suffering. Love is not murdering your son to appease your own vanity. Love is not hatred or wrath, consigning billions of people to eternal torture because they have offended your ego or disobeyed your rules. Love is not obedience, conformity, or submission. It is a counterfeit love that is contingent upon authority, punishment, or reward. True love is respect and admiration, compassion and kindness, freely given by a healthy, unafraid human being."

That makes sense to me! If God is real, why couldn't he just let us love him freely. Get to know him first. Show himself to us. Give us a hug and say "i'm so happy I created you", without the fear of hell. I mean I still can't get the whole scare you into a relationship. To me its like if I would have forced my husband to marry me by gunpoint. He wouldn't have really wanted to marry me or be with me, he would've felt forced. But if God would just let us know Him first. I'm sure everyone would fall in love with him, if he is all love. And people say look at the trees they are so beautiful and the universe is beautiful and amazing so we know how God is. But if a human makes something beautiful but treats me really bad, it just says thet they are creative but don't really care about me. I don't understand a lot of things about God if he is real, and his ways seem harsh to me. But at the end of the day I truly feel like if he is real he does not care about me. I know it says if you are not for God you are his enemy. I never woke up and said "i wanna be God's enemy" I just didn't want to go to hell. I even prayed to God and prayed that I would get closer to Him. I Just didn't know how. And I guess people can say that I put other things before God like netflix and silly things. But why does the relationship all depend on us. Doesn't the relationship depend on God too? I mean it kinda feels like when I was a little girl and my dad wouldn't ever call me and he would simply say "the phone works both ways." That didn't make me want to call him. That just hurt me. I feel like its the same with God. The more silent, the less I want to talk. And in the same scenario, I always knew it was wrong that my dad was my dad and didn't reach out to me but expected me to reach out to him. He was the adult. And if God is real, he is so much bigger than us and so much more powerful and apparently so much more loving. I don't see how its not his responsibility to reach out? He reached out to those in the Bible, directly. I just don't understand. I want to tell myself because He's not real. but I am so afraid he is.

  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, Kdeaustin said:

That makes sense to me! If God is real, why couldn't he just let us love him freely. Get to know him first. Show himself to us. Give us a hug and say "i'm so happy I created you", without the fear of hell. I mean I still can't get the whole scare you into a relationship. To me its like if I would have forced my husband to marry me by gunpoint. He wouldn't have really wanted to marry me or be with me, he would've felt forced. But if God would just let us know Him first. I'm sure everyone would fall in love with him, if he is all love. And people say look at the trees they are so beautiful and the universe is beautiful and amazing so we know how God is. But if a human makes something beautiful but treats me really bad, it just says thet they are creative but don't really care about me. I don't understand a lot of things about God if he is real, and his ways seem harsh to me. But at the end of the day I truly feel like if he is real he does not care about me. I know it says if you are not for God you are his enemy. I never woke up and said "i wanna be God's enemy" I just didn't want to go to hell. I even prayed to God and prayed that I would get closer to Him. I Just didn't know how. And I guess people can say that I put other things before God like netflix and silly things. But why does the relationship all depend on us. Doesn't the relationship depend on God too? I mean it kinda feels like when I was a little girl and my dad wouldn't ever call me and he would simply say "the phone works both ways." That didn't make me want to call him. That just hurt me. I feel like its the same with God. The more silent, the less I want to talk. And in the same scenario, I always knew it was wrong that my dad was my dad and didn't reach out to me but expected me to reach out to him. He was the adult. And if God is real, he is so much bigger than us and so much more powerful and apparently so much more loving. I don't see how its not his responsibility to reach out? He reached out to those in the Bible, directly. I just don't understand. I want to tell myself because He's not real. but I am so afraid he is.

Well I don't think it's at all surprising that this god only "reached out" to the people who lived at the time these documents were written. Of course millions of people nowadays are ok with thinking that god somehow "reached out" to them because some good thing happened in life, like they found a parking spot or they were cured of cancer. Some people just can't live with uncertainty and fall into whatever belief system they were raised with. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.