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dobokdude

I'm conflicted about something that happened in my past...

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About 3 years ago, when I was still in high school, I made a big mistake. Note it was nothing violent or sexual in nature at all, but it's something that I would do completely different if I was given the chance. As a Christian when things like this happens, you can fall back on the whole ''God forgives'' bit. But as an apostate even though I'm a ''Buddeist''(Buddhist Deist) I realize that consequences are alot more severe than just ''giving it up to God.'' My high school fuck up involved me trying to be friends with someone, starting it off wrong and inappropriately, but then things potentially turning into a Lifetime movie. It happened  3 years but I'm still conflicted about. How does one deal with these feelings and such without ''God''?

 

 

 

 

 

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Welcome to adulthood, son.

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5 hours ago, dobokdude said:

About 3 years ago, when I was still in high school, I made a big mistake. Note it was nothing violent or sexual in nature at all, but it's something that I would do completely different if I was given the chance. As a Christian when things like this happens, you can fall back on the whole ''God forgives'' bit. But as an apostate even though I'm a ''Buddeist''(Buddhist Deist) I realize that consequences are alot more severe than just ''giving it up to God.'' My high school fuck up involved me trying to be friends with someone, starting it off wrong and inappropriately, but then things potentially turning into a Lifetime movie. It happened  3 years but I'm still conflicted about. How does one deal with these feelings and such without ''God''?

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome!

 

Your post indicates you are familiar with Eastern philosophy. You might try thinking about back when you would "give it up to god" there was a catch - who do you think "god" was/is anyway?

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1 hour ago, florduh said:

Welcome!

 

Your post indicates you are familiar with Eastern philosophy. You might try thinking about back when you would "give it up to god" there was a catch - who do you think "god" was/is anyway?

This was back when I was Christian, so I still saw God as judge, jury and executioner.

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5 hours ago, dobokdude said:

This was back when I was Christian, so I still saw God as judge, jury and executioner.

According to your post this is a current problem. I suggest a current solution, that's all.

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You step into the river and the water has gone on. There are a lot of things in my past I wish I had done differently. But I didn't. That water has moved on, those lives have moved on, as have I. I suggest that you learn to let the past be the past. There is regret, but that's life. You learn from those times, and hopefully your next interactions (with anyone) will be better prepared by your previous experiences. 

 

Conversely, some of the things I really liked, friends I had, have no interest at all in being friends now. They have changed and so have I. That too has moved on. It hurts just a bit to see it finalized, but I have others now with whom I am making new experiences and memories. 

 

I find myself pining for certain girls from my old high school (more than 30 years ago for me). But we are all very different people now, so those memories are just memories. 

 

There are no gods or boards of karma enforcers to please. Learn and become, and that is all that is needed.

 

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When someone is devastated because someone broke up with them, I always say, “on the one hand, that sucks; but on the other hand, welcome to the human race.”  We owe a lot of songs to that phenomenon.

 

It doesn’t sound like you can tell us too much about what happened; and if our generalities don’t help much, you might need to find someone to talk to in person.  Most therapists etc. do not operate from a christian perspective; there are plenty of ways to deal with issues like this without resorting to divine intervention.

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I'll add that part of recovery is understanding that we are all human and all of us commit major fuckups, and in some cases, the other person may not forgive. It's just the way it is. What's important is to look at the big picture. On balance, over a lifetime, you more than likely fall on the good side of ethics and behavior. The errors are one way we learn.

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I feel this a problem of resolving guilt. Correct me if I am wrong. Christianity has divine forgiveness and personal repentence as the solution for guilt.  To resolve guilt is pretty hard lacking some kind of forgiveness/ repentance ritual of some sort. And there are secular versions of it. Therapy does act like this for many secular folk. Itdepends on your ethical/cosmological / cultural framework a lot. Without more info it is pretty hard to say anything concrete. If you practice budhism search in that area.

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On 10/14/2019 at 3:57 AM, dobokdude said:

My high school fuck up...

I convinced one of my friends that she needed to tell one of our other friends that she thought she was a lesbian.  We all went to a fairly conservative protestant Christian high school.  I didn't even go to school with them anymore.  I went to public school my senior year.  (one victory I did win with my folks, but that's another story) Needless to say, I was much more open to my friend being a lesbian than my other friend turned out to be.  It ended up ruining all of our friendships and it actually got my friend in trouble with the Christian school.  Good times! I seem dispassionate now because that was twenty years ago for me! Would I have done things differently?  Oh, probably. Hindsight, twenty twenty and all that.  I thought I was doing the right thing at the time.

As for the God thing...I am adamantly not Christian anymore, but I at least accept that there is a concept of "God" that my psyche interacts with thus comforting me some of the time and "moral compassing" me at others.  I'm open at this point to the idea that this "God" concept is possibly a figment of my said imagination, (I mean psyche!) therefore making me essentially my own God???  I can say at this point, it doesn't matter to me how we came to be the emotional, thinking beings that we are.  We are incredible! If you hold an idea of God or feel God in nature, then I think there is some interaction there.

Whatever conclusions you find, do try to forgive yourself. (remember, you could be God) Try telling yourself what you used to tell God.  See what happens.  Best of luck, you wised up a lot earlier than I did.  I take it as a sign of encouragement for our society. :) 

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Thanks. I may share it later if you are interested. Also nice to see you like martial arts like me too:)

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7 hours ago, dobokdude said:

Thanks. I may share it later if you are interested. Also nice to see you like martial arts like me too:)

ITF or WTF? 

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10 hours ago, Wertbag said:

ITF or WTF? 

I got to green belt but left when I was 15. I recently took up Hapkido(similar art but more focus on locks and throws) and also do Muay Thai, Judo, and Balintawak Arnis.

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8 hours ago, dobokdude said:

I got to green belt but left when I was 15. I recently took up Hapkido(similar art but more focus on locks and throws) and also do Muay Thai, Judo, and Balintawak Arnis.

Cool, I got my black stripe in ITF but stopped about 6 years ago. I cross trained BJJ until I got injured, tried muay thai until I got injured and there's not many options around here to try anything new. 

I'd never heard of Balintawak so had to Google that one. Seems to be a variation on eskrima, which is famous but hard to find in a small country like NZ. 

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On 10/17/2019 at 6:19 PM, dobokdude said:

I got to green belt but left when I was 15. I recently took up Hapkido(similar art but more focus on locks and throws) and also do Muay Thai, Judo, and Balintawak Arnis.

 

On 10/18/2019 at 3:23 AM, Wertbag said:

Cool, I got my black stripe in ITF but stopped about 6 years ago. I cross trained BJJ until I got injured, tried muay thai until I got injured and there's not many options around here to try anything new. 

I'd never heard of Balintawak so had to Google that one. Seems to be a variation on eskrima, which is famous but hard to find in a small country like NZ. 

Hey that's pretty cool! I did about three years CRCA style Wing Chun, a year or so of Karate (I wanted to learn staff), and I used to do Tai Chi.  My significant other has been training for years.  He's into Aikido, Wing Chun, and general MMA style fighting.  It keeps us in shape :) 

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For what it's worth, Eastern theistic philosophy, specifically Hinduism, does allow for a certain sort of "giving it up to God" approach. Ex. see Bhagavad Gita 18:66,

 

"Abandon all varieties of dharmas and simply surrender unto me alone. I shall liberate you from all sinful reactions; do not fear."

 

Unlike Christianity, Hinduism doesn't absolve us of the negative effects of adharmic behavior. But it takes a middle ground in that devotion to God can ameliorate the ill effects. Something to consider...

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On 10/27/2019 at 10:31 PM, Bhim said:

For what it's worth, Eastern theistic philosophy, specifically Hinduism, does allow for a certain sort of "giving it up to God" approach. Ex. see Bhagavad Gita 18:66,

 

"Abandon all varieties of dharmas and simply surrender unto me alone. I shall liberate you from all sinful reactions; do not fear."

 

Unlike Christianity, Hinduism doesn't absolve us of the negative effects of adharmic behavior. But it takes a middle ground in that devotion to God can ameliorate the ill effects. Something to consider...

Really good point! Yes, Christianity is truly a collage of older religious thought.  Hinduism is, what, 4000 years ago? Christianity is less than 2000.  C'mon!!!!  The real mystery is how the hell they cobbled Christianity together and forced it on the masses successfully for all these years.  

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On 10/30/2019 at 8:38 PM, jupiter789 said:

Really good point! Yes, Christianity is truly a collage of older religious thought.  Hinduism is, what, 4000 years ago? Christianity is less than 2000.  C'mon!!!!  The real mystery is how the hell they cobbled Christianity together and forced it on the masses successfully for all these years.  

 

Partly this is a recent evangelical innovation. For a thousand years prior to the Great Scism, all Christians relied on the Roman church to absolve their sins, and they made tithes and other offerings to that effect. I'm not aware of a significant strain of "giving it up to Jesus" prior to the Protestant movement.

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