Hello all! Ex-fundamental Christian here...

[faithevoloved]

First of all, I will say that as of recently, I have decided that I am no longer going to attend a bible-based fundamental church ever again. I am just so done hearing the same story over and over again that I'm a sinner and that God had to send is perfect son to die for our sins so we could be saved from a place of eternal conscious torment. This is hard for me, because I grew up in the church, got baptized, went to youth group, young adults group, healing services, retreats/camps, even did a Christian internet radio show for years. I remember defending the old testament's description of God commanding Israel to kill men, women and children...why? Because they were "evil pagans" and plus, the line of David had to be kept alive for Jesus to be born into (disgusting now that I think of it). 

 

What got me to question my beliefs? Hell. The one thing we were all supposed to be scared of. But this God of unconditional love would somehow be ok with cursing us to a fate worse than death if we refused to worship him? Sounds more "Satanic" than a loving God to me. So, I went on a quest to use the bible to disprove the doctrine of eternal torment. I succeeded, but couldn't convince my friends (LOL).

 

As an INTJ, I question everything. I even started questing "who is man to silence God that the bible is the 'only' scripture or inspired word there is?" I then discovered near death experiences and discovered that, at least how many people described them, that God really is unconditionally loving despite what religion you had (or even if you were agnostic/atheist). I found that it caused me cognitive dissonance because, really---if we take NDEs as literal events--- it throws a monkey wrench into "church doctrine" that only those who "ask Jesus into their hearts" are saved. Over the years, I started finding intriguing spiritual videos by Eckert Tolle, Alan Watts, Teal Swan, and tons of others who tried to explain that we are all a part of God...and explained other spiritual and philosophical concepts that seem to make sense to me...and were strikingly similar to what Christians have also been saying but in their "own" words. 

 

Soon, I began to feel a little lost and confused as to not knowing if Christianity is real or if it even has to be "real" because what if all religions are a valid attempt to reach the divine/God/source? Throughout these years, I still attended church, but I had become disillusioned because I struggled with some of the same issues I've had since I was a child: anxiety, depression, obsessive/addictive behaviors and thoughts, as well as emotion dis regulation. I prayed for healing over and over again and I just kept right on struggling. Worse, I saw others worshiping and praising God and seemingly feeling his presence while I kept feeling like I was on the outside looking in. Nothing felt worse than feeling like a spiritual outcast.

 

I started listen to different spiritual books on Amazon Audible, any many of them just made me even more upset or confused. Last summer, I decided to search for "Christianity and spirituality" on the Amazon Audible site and found this book called the Urantia Book. I downloaded that and started listening to it, and it seemed like an interesting explanation on the concept of God. Many times I would be listening/reading and I thought to myself, "That makes sense." or "That's what I always thought!" As I kept listening/reading, I kept having those 'aha! finally someone gets it!' moments all throughout the book. It convinced me that evolution is real even though I was staunchly against it my whole life. It convinced me that prayer doesn't always "work" (at least not the way we want it to). It convinced me that a lot of the bible stories I learned as a kid were either twisted or fables. This summer, I experienced a mental breakdown and if it wasn't for that book, I don't think I would be here today. It really helped me get through the lowest moment of my life.

 

Anyways, not here to pedal a book but just describe where I'm at now faith-wise and that it is such a great and freeing feeling to know that I don't have to "have it right"... and that God/source doesn't expect us to even arbitrarily worship Him...he is just happy that we are even reaching out to find him. How I see it, we are just primitive humans who barely have science figured out and we are trying to understand a force/being that is infinitely greater than us. We are "so sure" we got it right. The more I learn, the more I realized I don't know! As I stated elsewhere, it's like a person blind from birth trying to tell the rest of the world that seeing isn't real. Though he may have no proof in the ability to see---doesn't mean seeing isn't real.

[nontheistpilgrim]

Welcome faithevoloved.

Sounds as if you are starting the journey that many here have taken. And it leads to joy for most of us.

'Keep asking questions' is the best advice I can give.

[MOHO]

Hi @faithevoloved.

Welcome to Ex-C! Glad to have you aboard.

 

Like @nontheistpilgrim said you have begun the journey. This can take months or years or you can stay right were you are.

If you choose to continue you will find valuable information from some of the smart kids here and there are references to books, studies, and videos to help your on your travels.

    - MOHO(Mind Of His Own)

[Geezer]

Welcome, as your journey out of religion continues it’s likely your views and beliefs about supernatural deities will evolve and change. I explored Deism and Pantheism during my journey but eventually came to the conclusion there is no such thing as supernatural beings. 
 

I have found life immensely more enjoyable without religion and their invisible deities,  but that’s just me. As others have noted the journey out of religion is long, bumpy, and sometimes treacherous. Hang in there it does get better with time. I think most of us ex-Christians will agree that study and research is an essential element in the de-conversion process. 

 

 

[faithevoloved]

I think I will always believe in a higher power, just because it seems silly to rule it out. Heck, we are not even a type 1 civilization on the Kardashev scale. We know so little about the universe compared to what we will someday know. Maybe what some might call supernatural are beings from other realms that we simply just haven't met yet...

[nontheistpilgrim]

Keep an open mind and don't call us silly!

[florduh]

23 hours ago, faithevoloved said:

As I stated elsewhere, it's like a person blind from birth trying to tell the rest of the world that seeing isn't real. Though he may have no proof in the ability to see---doesn't mean seeing isn't real.

And as I stated elsewhere, the phenomenon of sight can be demonstrated to even one who lacks the ability to see. There is proof available to anyone regarding sight, gods not so much. Not at all.

[faithevoloved]

4 hours ago, florduh said:

And as I stated elsewhere, the phenomenon of sight can be demonstrated to even one who lacks the ability to see. There is proof available to anyone regarding sight, gods not so much. Not at all.

Sure, I get what you are saying. But the blind person would not have experiential proof of seeing if he cannot see himself. Sure, you can describe it the best you can scientifically or doing experiments but yet still the blind man cannot see.

[florduh]

10 minutes ago, faithevoloved said:

Sure, I get what you are saying. But the blind person would not have experiential proof of seeing if he cannot see himself. Sure, you can describe it the best you can scientifically or doing experiments but yet still the blind man cannot see.

The point is that the faculty of sight can be demonstrated to exist, not that it can be imparted to the sightless. 

[Myrkhoos]

On 11/15/2019 at 4:25 AM, faithevoloved said:

I think I will always believe in a higher power, just because it seems silly to rule it out. Heck, we are not even a type 1 civilization on the Kardashev scale. We know so little about the universe compared to what we will someday know. Maybe what some might call supernatural are beings from other realms that we simply just haven't met yet...

 

First things first. Hello, and welcome.

1. Please define higher power. Otherwise it is much to vague. Do you mean people who have actual more physical power, or financial power, or intellectual power? What is power anyway? Because I do believe, indeed I experience daily many things, both human and natural which are much stronger than me. Two women could probably beat me. A child with a knife could kill me. A con man could deceive. A tornade could wreck my house. Etc. And the lottery could make me very rich, and an injection could save my life sometime, on the bright side. This is a crucial problem, clear, definable things. This is where science should be at its best, usually. Clarity. Order. That is why I have such a skeptical mind about anything artistic. And I am a graduate of Screenwriting, and wrote short stories and poetry from a young age. But is can be so misleading. The so called artistic truth is so often just an inflamed emotional response, aka an overwhelmed nervous system. Entertaining. Yes. But so can many religious practices and festivals and stories be. This does make them either true or useful. 

         Second, I would urge you to read cult mind control material, like Combatting Cult Mind Control, Steve Hassan  and Terror, love and brainwashing by Alexandra Stein. They have some good insights on several issues regrading religious experience. 

         Plus, secular therapy, medical and natural therapies like detoxes and supplements can do wonders for mental ilness. I have personally greatly benefited from a form of EMDR and some expert nutritional advice, but you do your research about it, and caution about any therapist out there, as any therapy

[Moonobserver]

On 11/14/2019 at 7:25 PM, faithevoloved said:

I think I will always believe in a higher power, just because it seems silly to rule it out. Heck, we are not even a type 1 civilization on the Kardashev scale. We know so little about the universe compared to what we will someday know. Maybe what some might call supernatural are beings from other realms that we simply just haven't met yet...

Greetings. As you continue your departure from fundamentalism, may you find a place of support and acceptance here. 

 

And may you also feel free and encouraged to continue exploring your belief in a higher power.....despite what *some* may think of it.....

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

On 11/14/2019 at 2:09 PM, faithevoloved said:

As an INTJ, I question everything.

Hell and Welcome! I'm glad you're thinking for yourself and you're questioning everything! A lot of people have a problem with that - but their insecurity is their problem to reckon with, not yours. Good luck on your journey!