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cb1500

Please help me.

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Be sure to let us know how the meeting went. We don't mean to pry, but we do care.

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34 minutes ago, older said:

Be sure to let us know how the meeting went. We don't mean to pry, but we do care.

 

Not a problem at all, I will gladly share how it goes.  

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3 hours ago, cb1500 said:

 

I don't really know what to say or why I'm posting this, but I'm honestly ready to just break down crying.  I nearly passed out last night from a panic attack.  

 

 

Crying is exactly what you need to do!   Not allowing yourself to express what you feel is part of the problem.  You would not be "breaking down".  You would be letting yourself be human.  Society has put a terrible burden on us by conditioning us to not cry.  It is very cathartic and would likely prevent the panic attacks. 

 

ALL emotions are okay, and when blocked, create problems.  Appropriate expression is healthy, mentally and physically.  

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34 minutes ago, Weezer said:

 

Crying is exactly what you need to do!   Not allowing yourself to express what you feel is part of the problem.  You would not be "breaking down".  You would be letting yourself be human.  Society has put a terrible burden on us by conditioning us to not cry.  It is very cathartic and would likely prevent the panic attacks. 

 

ALL emotions are okay, and when blocked, create problems.  Appropriate expression is healthy, mentally and physically.  

 

Yeah, you're right.  I kind of have a hard time expressing emotions like that.  Not too long ago, I probably wouldn't have even considered going to one of those groups to talk about anything, and I would have kept it all in.  

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cb1500:

 

You will find the group beneficial. Many years ago I went to a couple of groups about a couple of things (not religious) and the big benefit was finding out that I was not the only one with a problem. Just hearing others helped me realize that it wasn't as bad as I thought, and I figured out some ways to deal with it. (And I also saw some folks who inadvertently showed me what I did not want to become.) I'm fairly certain that you'll come out of it stronger and with some tools available that will help.

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Well, I just got back from the group meetup.  The people there were nice and supportive, and It was really good to be able to talk with people who have the same mindset.  One of the group leaders is a former minister who's now an atheist, so that was very interesting to see.  I don't feel quite as alone anymore.

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Yeah...we humans suck at being alone, usually. I mean we naturally tend to try and find validation from others. Which is a double edged sword but independent verification is one of the bedrocks of modern science. :) nice to hear it helped.

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1 hour ago, cb1500 said:

Well, I just got back from the group meetup.  The people there were nice and supportive, and It was really good to be able to talk with people who have the same mindset.  One of the group leaders is a former minister who's now an atheist, so that was very interesting to see.  I don't feel quite as alone anymore.


It sounds like you got involved with a good group.  So glad you had a positive experience.

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8 hours ago, cb1500 said:

Well, I just got back from the group meetup.  The people there were nice and supportive, and It was really good to be able to talk with people who have the same mindset.  One of the group leaders is a former minister who's now an atheist, so that was very interesting to see.  I don't feel quite as alone anymore.

So glad to hear this cb. It's important to stay connected to people who have the same mindset because the majority of the world are believers in 'something'. It can be very confusing when you first start out.  Ex-c was a life-saver for me so hopefully we can be here for you when you need us. Keep us posted.

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I've been reading through this thread and realized that your experience is a lot like mine was. The fear of hell was something that I struggled with for a long time as well (and I still experience it from time to time). At one point I thought I was free from it, but then it came back with a vengeance because of a whole new set of stressful situations that came at me all at once, so I understand what you have been experiencing completely. It's also pretty awesome that a former minister was involved in the group you went to, so it just shows that you can be free no matter how deep you get into the religion.

 

I hope today is going well for you and I want to say good luck to getting over this nagging fear. I'm certain that you will be able to do it eventually and then you will realize that the Christian hell isn't any more terrifying than Anthony Freemont's cornfield.

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On 1/28/2020 at 12:04 AM, cb1500 said:

Well, I just got back from the group meetup.  The people there were nice and supportive, and It was really good to be able to talk with people who have the same mindset.  One of the group leaders is a former minister who's now an atheist, so that was very interesting to see.  I don't feel quite as alone anymore.

 

I know the feeling. When I came to my senses with regard to religion, I was immersed in Christian culture and felt so alone. None of them could understand where I was coming from. I went through a few years with my only escape being online, but then someone on this site mentioned meetup.com and I found one in the area. Joining that group (and then another one) was a major help to me. I'm so glad that you've also found what appears to be a good group, and I hope it is as rewarding for you as mine were for me.

 

Welcome, by the way. Sorry I'm late to the party here.

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2 hours ago, crazyguy123 said:

I've been reading through this thread and realized that your experience is a lot like mine was. The fear of hell was something that I struggled with for a long time as well (and I still experience it from time to time). At one point I thought I was free from it, but then it came back with a vengeance because of a whole new set of stressful situations that came at me all at once, so I understand what you have been experiencing completely. It's also pretty awesome that a former minister was involved in the group you went to, so it just shows that you can be free no matter how deep you get into the religion.

 

I hope today is going well for you and I want to say good luck to getting over this nagging fear. I'm certain that you will be able to do it eventually and then you will realize that the Christian hell isn't any more terrifying than Anthony Freemont's cornfield.

 

Thanks.  The past couple of days have been pretty good.  I also just started therapy, and even the first session helped get me into a better mood.  The sun came out today for like the first time in almost two weeks which helped as well.  The last two weeks were just pure garbage, and I hope I never go that low again.  I'm glad to hear that you, and so many people on here have been able to get over this fear.  It's amazing how many helpful resources there are these days for people like us dealing with this crap.  

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2 hours ago, cb1500 said:

The sun came out today

   

Yes. The storm always ends and the sun always shines.

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Just wanted to give a little update.  The therapy and medication is definitely helping me stay positive.  The intrusive religious thoughts seem to be getting less frequent and extreme.  Unfortunately, I just had an argument about religion with my sister.  The conversation started with us just trying to understand each other and get along better, but it ended up turning to religion.  I tried really hard to be respectful, but she started using the same tired old apologist excuses, and it just went downhill from there.  It would be really nice to get along with her better, I just don't know.  Religious fundamentalists genuinely freak me out.  

 

On the plus side, I didn't have a major panic attack after the conversation like I would have before I started therapy.  That does not change the fact that I still have a really strong negative reaction towards religion.  

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19 minutes ago, cb1500 said:

 The intrusive religious thoughts seem to be getting less frequent and extreme.  Unfortunately, I just had an argument about religion with my sister.  The conversation started with us just trying to understand each other and get along better, but it ended up turning to religion.  I tried really hard to be respectful, but she started using the same tired old apologist excuses, and it just went downhill from there. 

 

Oh man I can totally relate to this. I have a fundie sister that I try to reach out to (she is a decent person aside from her belief system, and we used to be close as children). I still reach out to her at times but I try to keep things unrelated to religion or our parents. I mean, if you think about it, our whole relationship got twisted and recasted to be about pleasing our parents or validating/disproving/arguing about our beliefs and it's just not fair. Any conversation we try to have at that angle is already pre-scripted by our parents who turned us against each other... and it's better to try to connect us for just being us... I mean I missed the times we used to have long conversations about random fantasy stories, novels, or video games. We had a real connection before religion hijacked our narrative. Just saying.. I empathize.

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On 2/20/2020 at 8:30 PM, DestinyTurtle said:

and it's better to try to connect us for just being us... I mean I missed the times we used to have long conversations about random fantasy stories, novels, or video games. We had a real connection before religion hijacked our narrative. Just saying.. I empathize.

 

Thanks.  That's what I miss the most too.  We started having trouble getting along a little bit before the religious shit became an issue, but that is what really divides us now.  Just another reason to dislike religion.  

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I read the OP post then skimmed through everyone else's. 

 

Trust me. You did not commit the unforgivable blasphemy. You didn't commit it because no God exists to commit it against. 

 

I know how terrifying that fear is. But trust me there is nothing to be afraid of.

 

Warm hugs hun. You sound like you can use them. 

 

🤗🤗

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On 2/26/2020 at 10:56 PM, freedwoman said:

I read the OP post then skimmed through everyone else's. 

 

Trust me. You did not commit the unforgivable blasphemy. You didn't commit it because no God exists to commit it against. 

 

I know how terrifying that fear is. But trust me there is nothing to be afraid of.

 

Warm hugs hun. You sound like you can use them. 

 

🤗🤗

 

Thank you so much for the kind words.  I've been feeling a lot better lately.  I honestly thought that I wouldn't make it through this, but it seems like I have.  

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31 minutes ago, cb1500 said:

I honestly thought that I wouldn't make it through this, but it seems like I have.  

  

:clap:

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1 hour ago, cb1500 said:

 

Thank you so much for the kind words.  I've been feeling a lot better lately.  I honestly thought that I wouldn't make it through this, but it seems like I have.  

Well good for you hun! 💪👊👍🤗

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cb1500 Several of the experiences you describe sound like classic Obsessive Compulsive Disorder symptoms. If your therapist or counselor has not mentioned OCD, it might be worth investigating the subject. Most OCD patients I know have properly self diagnosed their own condition simply by reading a description of this condition. Their diagnosis was then confirmed by a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist.

 

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml

 

https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder

 

https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/

 

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/article-abstract/375073

 

 Many state and local OCD support groups exist across the U.S. 

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On 3/11/2020 at 1:48 AM, Misosthriskeia said:

cb1500 Several of the experiences you describe sound like classic Obsessive Compulsive Disorder symptoms. If your therapist or counselor has not mentioned OCD, it might be worth investigating the subject. Most OCD patients I know have properly self diagnosed their own condition simply by reading a description of this condition. Their diagnosis was then confirmed by a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist.

 

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml

 

https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder

 

https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/

 

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/article-abstract/375073

 

 Many state and local OCD support groups exist across the U.S. 

 

Thanks for the links.  I actually have been officially diagnosed with OCD, and I will be joining a program to get help with it within the next few months.  

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Hey @cb1500, I only happen in occasionally, I happened to see this, and I'm REALLY hoping you're still here.

 

I didn't read the entire thread, but if nobody has mentioned it, I'm 1,000% certain I know what your issue is: "scrupulocity," a religion-based form of OCD. I recognize it like the back of my hand. I could have written your OP myself years ago.

 

I have written about it here:

 

https://www.quora.com/What-can-I-do-to-overcome-my-fears-I-am-a-Christian-and-I-believe-in-God-and-have-accepted-Jesus-The-mere-thought-of-selling-your-soul-scares-me-I-dont-want-to-do-that-Can-you-please-help-me/answer/Teresa-Bryan-Peneguy-2

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3 hours ago, ScaryBlackKitty said:

Hey @cb1500, I only happen in occasionally, I happened to see this, and I'm REALLY hoping you're still here.

 

I didn't read the entire thread, but if nobody has mentioned it, I'm 1,000% certain I know what your issue is: "scrupulocity," a religion-based form of OCD. I recognize it like the back of my hand. I could have written your OP myself years ago.

 

I have written about it here:

 

https://www.quora.com/What-can-I-do-to-overcome-my-fears-I-am-a-Christian-and-I-believe-in-God-and-have-accepted-Jesus-The-mere-thought-of-selling-your-soul-scares-me-I-dont-want-to-do-that-Can-you-please-help-me/answer/Teresa-Bryan-Peneguy-2

 

I caution against attempting mental health diagnosis (Or any health diagnosis for that matter) on this forum. We are not a mental health center and should not be attempting to diagnose our members here even IF you are a trained professional. There are appropriate places for it, this is not one of them. We try and help and support our members as best we can, but nothing is a substitute for trained professional mental health care.

 

Thanks.

LF

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