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freedwoman

The Pain Of Having No God/Goddess/Entity

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I miss the times I felt love and safety from such a being. One that would always love me. Eternally secure me. One where I'm not ever ashamed to crawl to and be held like a baby. The only ones love which is eternal and unconditional. But even then it was never perfect. I'm not so sure why I'm posting this? Maybe to cry by pouring my heart out? Maybe to know how others feel? I've suffered many tears, and fears, for too many years. I won't lie. I miss Jesus Christ. I miss the beautiful, stunning, pure wholesome goodness of the gorgeous HOLY SPIRIT. I miss God goddammit!!! How many others feel the same way??? 

 

I have an ENTITY I pray too. But I don't even know if I believe IT exists? I could be praying to nothing? 

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1 minute ago, freedwoman said:

I could be praying to nothing

Even if you are, does it matter?  If the thought of a god comforts you, then take it.  Even if god isn't real, the comfort is.  Moreover, just because you've concluded that the christian god is a lie, doesn't mean all god's are lies.

 

Ms. Professor is nominally Buddhist.  Some of the people at her temple gave her representations of the earth god and the god of fortune.  I made a special shrine for them and bought incense for her.  She offers them prayers and such.  She doesn't actually believe in these strange foreign gods; but finds comfort in the traditions, rituals, and customs of Buddhism. 

 

I also find solace in meditation.  I know I'm not getting in touch with anything or anybody "out there".  But it does put me in touch with myself; and, for me, that's enough.  

 

You do you.

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10 minutes ago, freedwoman said:

I miss the times I felt love and safety from such a being. One that would always love me. Eternally secure me. One where I'm not ever ashamed to crawl to and be held like a baby. The only ones love which is eternal and unconditional. But even then it was never perfect. I'm not so sure why I'm posting this? Maybe to cry by pouring my heart out? Maybe to know how others feel? I've suffered many tears, and fears, for too many years. I won't lie. I miss Jesus Christ. I miss the beautiful, stunning, pure wholesome goodness of the gorgeous HOLY SPIRIT. I miss God goddammit!!! How many others feel the same way??? 

 

I have an ENTITY I pray too. But I don't even know if I believe IT exists? I could be praying to nothing? 

I suggest researching other religions you may find one that can replace Christianity.

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3 hours ago, freedwoman said:

I miss the times I felt love and safety from such a being. One that would always love me. Eternally secure me. One where I'm not ever ashamed to crawl to and be held like a baby. The only ones love which is eternal and unconditional. But even then it was never perfect. I'm not so sure why I'm posting this? Maybe to cry by pouring my heart out? Maybe to know how others feel? I've suffered many tears, and fears, for too many years. I won't lie. I miss Jesus Christ. I miss the beautiful, stunning, pure wholesome goodness of the gorgeous HOLY SPIRIT. I miss God goddammit!!! How many others feel the same way??? 

 

I have an ENTITY I pray too. But I don't even know if I believe IT exists? I could be praying to nothing? 

 

I joined the fold at age 30 , left it at 40, so I dont miss it. 

 

Even if Jesus isn't real there can still be a lot of emotional power behind it because a lot of people believe it. What if you stripped out all the stuff you dont like about Christianity (like other Christians do but claim not to do), left in the stuff you do like...would that be a helpful faith?

 

edit: It's much easier to worship a popular deity like Jesus and a bit harder to worship lesser known, lesser worshiped deities , especially as a solitary practitioner. You could take a look at what you 'get back' from worshiping either one. It may be similar. And the more you worship your entity the more they may conform to what you prefer a deity to be like. 

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6 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

Even if you are, does it matter?  If the thought of a god comforts you, then take it.  Even if god isn't real, the comfort is.  Moreover, just because you've concluded that the christian god is a lie, doesn't mean all god's are lies.

 

Ms. Professor is nominally Buddhist.  Some of the people at her temple gave her representations of the earth god and the god of fortune.  I made a special shrine for them and bought incense for her.  She offers them prayers and such.  She doesn't actually believe in these strange foreign gods; but finds comfort in the traditions, rituals, and customs of Buddhism. 

 

I also find solace in meditation.  I know I'm not getting in touch with anything or anybody "out there".  But it does put me in touch with myself; and, for me, that's enough.  

 

You do you.

Not a fan of Buddha. But he is pretty popular with the atheists  🙄.

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6 hours ago, LeiaBryant said:

I suggest researching other religions you may find one that can replace Christianity.

Fuck religion. I just need the entity. All religions are evil and corrupt in some way. 

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3 hours ago, midniterider said:

 

I joined the fold at age 30 , left it at 40, so I dont miss it. 

 

Even if Jesus isn't real there can still be a lot of emotional power behind it because a lot of people believe it. What if you stripped out all the stuff you dont like about Christianity (like other Christians do but claim not to do), left in the stuff you do like...would that be a helpful faith?

 

edit: It's much easier to worship a popular deity like Jesus and a bit harder to worship lesser known, lesser worshiped deities , especially as a solitary practitioner. You could take a look at what you 'get back' from worshiping either one. It may be similar. And the more you worship your entity the more they may conform to what you prefer a deity to be like. 

I hate not knowing! I wish I could either be a theist or an atheist?!

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6 minutes ago, freedwoman said:

Fuck religion. I just need the entity. All religions are evil and corrupt in some way. 

How do you know they are ALL evil? You should at least learn about them before you jump to conclusions. Try visiting the spirituality section of the forum and reading some threads. You might find something that helps.

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2 minutes ago, LeiaBryant said:

How do you know they are ALL evil? You should at least learn about them before you jump to conclusions. Try visiting the spirituality section of the forum and reading some threads. You might find something that helps.

They're all man made. Man (and woman) are evil. I need something pure. No human is pure.  I'm not gonna just believe what man says. I'd just be leaving one evil religion for another. 

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1 hour ago, freedwoman said:

They're all man made. Man (and woman) are evil. I need something pure. No human is pure.  I'm not gonna just believe what man says. I'd just be leaving one evil religion for another. 

 

Sounds like you're having a rough time , at the moment. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. :)

 

I hope there's someone you can talk with , at least by phone if not in person.

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1 hour ago, freedwoman said:

They're all man made. Man (and woman) are evil. I need something pure. No human is pure.  I'm not gonna just believe what man says. I'd just be leaving one evil religion for another. 

One how do you know they are man made? Two I am not asking for blind belief just try this stuff out. For example read up on how it works and try doing a magick spell.

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3 hours ago, freedwoman said:

They're all man made. Man (and woman) are evil. I need something pure. No human is pure.  I'm not gonna just believe what man says. I'd just be leaving one evil religion for another. 

 

I don't think this is exactly how I felt when I was taking my first few steps away from Christianity, but I did feel uncomfortable with a lot of the religions I looked into at the time. Some aspects of Wicca appealed to me, but the notion of joining another religious group and participating in rituals didn't, because I'd been forced into church and forced to put on a show for other Christians all my life. (You know, raise your hands during worship, ask the questions they want you to ask, act like there's no place you'd rather be than church.) 

 

The nice thing about paganism, though, is that it can be as formal or informal as you want it to be. You want to join a coven and gather for rituals? You can do that. You want to be a solitary practitioner who communes with your spirits and performs zero rituals? You can do that too. Pagan religion can be a religion of hundreds or a religion of one. You get to define what it means to you. 

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My post in the Spirituality section about psychedelics is where I went after essentially being a non-magic pagan. It feels magic, it is deeply introspective, and life-changing for many who are able to partake in a safe calm and prepared setting. Tangibly feeling one's connection with all life everywhere, becoming light and music for a while, is a reset unlike anything a controlling religion could hope to offer.

 

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11 hours ago, freedwoman said:

I miss the times I felt love and safety from such a being. One that would always love me. Eternally secure me. One where I'm not ever ashamed to crawl to and be held like a baby. The only ones love which is eternal and unconditional. But even then it was never perfect. I'm not so sure why I'm posting this? Maybe to cry by pouring my heart out? Maybe to know how others feel? I've suffered many tears, and fears, for too many years. I won't lie. I miss Jesus Christ. I miss the beautiful, stunning, pure wholesome goodness of the gorgeous HOLY SPIRIT. I miss God goddammit!!! How many others feel the same way??? 

 

I have an ENTITY I pray too. But I don't even know if I believe IT exists? I could be praying to nothing? 

 

I think many of us have gone through spells of feeling that way.  Hopefully it is not a persistent feeling.  Is it possible that YOU, in a sense, are your security?  Do you trust that you will take care of yourself?   Do you trust that you know how to do that?   My guess is that you did not have a truly safe and secure childhood that gave you that basic sense of being safe, loved, and a capable person.  We all got different doses of that growing up.  I don't remember if you have talked about your early life,  but you may need to work on those issues with a professional person.  Also, make sure you have contact with at least one person who believes in you, and encourages you.  The more the better.  People here are great, but it is more effective in person.   And think about those in your past who were accepting and encouraging.  Reminisce about those times.  Do kind things for yourself, etc.  You need to reprogram your thinking and feeling.  And it is easier said than done.  HANG IN THERE! 

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Last week you were angry.  This week you seem to be bargaining.  This is all normal.  It's part of the grieving process.  I never realized that, or made the connection, until long after my deconversion was complete. 

 

Personally, I spent more time being pissed than anything else; and my bargaining was pretty much, "Hey jesus, if you want me back then you need to make me a millionaire with a trophy wife and pure malt whiskey flowing from my kitchen sink.  You have until sundown tomorrow."  He never did.  Guess he didn't want me back.  🙄

 

 

5-stages-grief.jpg

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15 hours ago, freedwoman said:

They're all man made. Man (and woman) are evil. I need something pure. No human is pure.  I'm not gonna just believe what man says. I'd just be leaving one evil religion for another. 

 

BINGO!

 

Might I suggest (oh yes I am soooooooooooooooooooo enlightened and wise  :yelrotflmao: ) formulating a sort of creed or set of rules for living. Call it a policy if you like. Come up with your own but, for example...

 

  1. Don't screw with people - always be honest.
  2. Ignore abusive jerks.
  3. Love those who love you back and ignore (cut off) those who don't.
  4. Live your own life and live it for you - not for some jackasstical ass-hat telling you how to live. (See what I did there?)
  5. Make a consorted effort to help and encouraged those who really appreciate it and are not just holding their hand out because they can.

 

I could go on but you get the idea.

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Mankind's most destructive trait is the need to look outside ourselves for answers.

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