Update on my mental health and life

[ZenPaladin]

Hello, my fellow heathens and heretics! I hope you guys are doing ok during the pandemic we are in. Really, it's crazy to think I'll(hopefully) be telling my kids/grandkids about living through some straight up history book stuff. I mean, we are always living through history, as I was still in high school during the 2016 election year(that shit was crazy) but this thing is on par with things like the Great Depression, Japanese-American internment and other things that really disrupt community life, only this stuff is EVERYWHERE. Also keep in mind I'm an EMT trainee, so wish me luck when I'm done with that. We have had online assignments and I still practice my skills and scenarios but it will be interesting to see how we will complete things.

 

 

Some of you may remember how on my old account(Dobokdude) I shared a story from high school regarding a girl wanting to meet a potential pedophile or some sort of unsavory person. I got interesting responses from alot of you ( @older, @Margee, @TheRedneckProfessor, @TEG) to name a few. There's truth in all of them plus what I've heard elsewhere, and the degree to which I agree varies but I still see the wisdom in them. 

 

 

 

In recent months I had started to feel certain guilt over things I said and that she said and how things ended, but I'm glad to say that the majority of that weight is off me. I've talked about this with people on here and elsewhere, and considering some details I didn't share due to not wanting to be overly long, I realize that while you could have done certain things differently, ultimately I was dealing with a confusing friendship with someone who was struggling with their own questionable decision-making and emotional struggle, I was concerned and in that concern I did what I thought was right at the time. That's something you can understand and forgive yourself for. I should also say, one thing I hadn't added was some of the lighthearted/friendly/sarcastic things she said that would indicate she was being friendly/open to being friends and just generally giving some mixed messages(not saying there was nay implications of romance) and ultimately she may not be the best person anyway. No judgement of her, I hope she is doing ok.

 

 

I do know that in a similar situation in one happens, I do know to be more restrained in expressing my concerns and realising when to let things be since I do know some of the things I did say were unintentionally a bit condescending/cringy and there comes a point to where you can only do so much for someone. Some might say to just not do anything and let them do what they want, but I don't agree because naturally if you care for someone then naturally you are concerned if they seem to put themselves in danger, especially if they go out of your way to give you this knowledge like she did. And as the older brother to a teenage girl, my sister(who already has had problems mental-health wise) I would never see it in her best interest to meet with a guy she doesn't know and our family is unaware. That in itself is a very uncomfortable scenario to think of and likely no positive consequences. My own sister was allegedly molested by ex-friend from middle school(plus something from a boy from high school), so that's all the more reason I standby doing something in these situations even if I know to show some restraint. Really, I view that experience with having learned form it but also being definitely being a bit scary still, as it's another incident in my life involving some mature stuff(past friend and sister, parents fights, sisters suicide attempts).

 

 

I still do therapy via video sessions. The loneliness was getting to me as I had always felt that being on the spectrum but it was magnified by the current events. Luckily I'm connecting with some previous acquaintences and just talking so that has been helpful. The Zoom martial arts sessions and gaming do help also, and I am working on fanfiction again(not THAT kind). I did tell my therapist more about some of my insecurities and my mom's crazy rambling in which I've been told several times in total I'm going to hell and the way she describes God is like a fucking mob enforcer.  I have gotten great recommendations from me therapist regarding how to deal with my mom's religious rants when they come up as well as in general. This includes(but not limited too):

 

-Disengaging from the conversation and not fueling any argument

 

-Taking a breath and centering yourself if anxiety about the past occurs

 

-Maintaining good exercise to release excess energy(and cortisol)

 

-Start journaling regularly

 

-Meditation and mindfulness practice

 

-Limit caffeine intake and maintain a good sleep schedule.

 

 

And those things do help. Really the only thing I may struggle with in this moment is dealing with underlying resentment and conflicted feelings towards my parents(dysfunctional upbringing will do that). It would be great to have already moved out by now but for now I will just have to hold out. That's all everyone can do right now really.

[ZenPaladin]

Dang, just saw I accidentally posted this twice. My bad.

[older]

9 hours ago, ZenPaladin said:

-Disengaging from the conversation and not fueling any argument

 

-Taking a breath and centering yourself if anxiety about the past occurs

 

-Maintaining good exercise to release excess energy(and cortisol)

 

-Start journaling regularly

 

-Meditation and mindfulness practice

 

-Limit caffeine intake and maintain a good sleep schedule.

  

That's a great list. Something to print out and work on. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone did that? 

[ZenPaladin]

6 hours ago, older said:

  

That's a great list. Something to print out and work on. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone did that? 

Yeah it would,  along with obeying the social distancing protocol.