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ZenPaladin

Would love to explore relationships eventually but feel conflicted...

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Hey yall. So lately I have started to really feel a yearning for human interaction. Sure the current global lockdown has certainly played a role, even with still keeping in touch with old acquaintances wirelessly but that was how it was for me even before the pandemic. And I'm almost 20 and the last time I had a real friend was back in middle school, but if you saw my story on that you know that did NOT end well.

 

 

Aside from friends, I guess I have been feeling lonely in terms of romantic relationships. I've never had a girlfriend and it didn't help when my mom questioned if I was gay or not since it didn't make sense for a guy my age to have never been in a relationship. Now keep in mind she had a VERY dysfunctional marriage with my dad as well as with her last boyfriend.

 

 

 

And I will say that I have been talking to a guy I went to high school with (his name's Chris, generic name I'm ok saying it) and I will say he has definitely been threw his own shit. His parents are seperated, but the truly bad shit was seeing someone get killed in a gang shooting and his girlfriend(a girl I had knew and chilled with in our lunch group senior year) had cheated on him. I mean he had already been cheated on before by some other chick who may have been known for doing that(like I said drama) and this other girl she had actually seemed pretty nice. I didn't know her very well, but we had hung out with Chris in the time following graduation for a bit and they seemed to be a good couple from what I saw. I was even kinda envious at one point.

 

 

But apparently, she had become more withdrawn from him over time, not wanting to talk to him and then she cheated on him with some other dude. Not only that, but she's MARRIED to him now. I didn't believe it at first, but he told me how she sent him the pictures directly to him of her and her new BF, told him they're married and looking at her IG page, she has this dude's last name as her own now and his name and a wedding ring emoji.

 

 

All that to say is I do know that a relationship doesn't automatically create happiness. And I know not to be emotionally dependent, obsessive and controlling, not have my own opinions and interests and so on. I really want to do martial arts again and finish my EMT program. But after the loneliness of high school abd the years of family drama, once I can move out I want to finally start living life and it can be frustrating to see others do that already. I know I just want people I can spend time with and the same goes for dating. 

 

 

 

Thoughts?

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Hi ZP, you’ve been through a lot growing up and now you are on the brink of living your own life.  It would be easy to feel discouraged because you haven’t been in a relationship yet, but you are so young. I think that finishing your EMT certification will give you a big sense of accomplishment, and it should.  You’re clearly a smart and thoughtful young man and I suspect you have a bright future waiting for you.  I think you need to take a deep breath and take good care of yourself now.  Get back into martial arts, do things you enjoy.  As you do that I think that doors will start to open: people who are comfortable in their own skin tend to attract other people. 

I’m glad you came back and gave us an update on your life.  You’ve got this and I’m looking forward to hearing how things go... 

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I know some people are against online dating, but for me that worked really well.  I had many dates and eventually met my wife online.  It does depend on where you live, if you are rural there won't be much hope online, but if you live somewhere with a decent population then its well worth a try.

I always liked the idea of knowing something about the person in advance, filtering the search by things that matter (religious, smoker, location, age etc) and usually having photos so you can tell there is physical attraction.

 

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And don't forget social, political or hobby clubs. I once heard of a woman who had been a widow for too many years and she was lonely. She figured out what kind of clubs the men were in and joined one and, you guessed it, found a mate.

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