Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hi. I'm 32 years old, and I've been a Christian for....most of that. I grew up in a house where religion was life. Everything revolved around church, god and the works. I was homeschooled and indoctrinated from an early age. I prayed the sinners prayer at 5 or 6. Clearly, I did not understand it. Theres absolutely no way, but that's what I was supposed to do. I grew up, involved in church. Youth group. Had a best friend who was a super christian. Met my wife, my friend didn't approve of her so he made her feel not good enough and unvalued. We, obviously, had a falling out.

It was at this point I began questioning everything, living my own way. Smoking. Having sex without being married. Things that were a huge deal. It became a big issue with my parents. 

Eventually I got married, my wife became a Christian and we lived for several years like so. That brings me to the last couple years.

I have decided within the last year I'm done. Done with god, jesus and religion. I've read several books about athiesm and nothing has ever made more sense. It addressed all the questions I've always had but never been given answers. I feel freedom I never had before.

I have several issues. The inconsistency of the bible and origin of christianity. The judgement of Christian's I know. The scientific evidence against the bible and the fairy tales in it.but most of all the idea of hell. I learned about hell as a young child and knew people went there. It terrifies me and still does. The idea that this loving god created everlasting eternal punishment is unfathomable and evil. It's nothing more than a scare tactic to convert people and get 10% of their income. I cant believe in our worship a god that would do that. And if god is all-knowing and all-powerful but created hell then I see too options. 

1 he is evil

2 he is not all-knowing or all-powerful where he can prevent it

The freedom I feel from walking away is amazing.

I have not talked to my parents about this. Honestly it's such a pain in the ass. I have a cousin who is a lesbian and it's a huge issue of concern to my parents who treat her terrible because of it. My wife had enough one day and said that as long as she was happy it's ok. My dad cut her off to tell her why she was wrong he was incredibly disrespectful and I lost respect for him over this. But he felt it was justified because...you know god trumps everything. Things with my family is complicated. My dad is not open minded, he will never listen to my reasoning or feelings. He will only preach. Fuck that I dont need it. My sister is a single mom of 3, lives off my parents but is super religious and fearful. Shes a conspiracy theorist, her new thing is end of the world stuff. Covid-19 is an end of the world thing. Mark of the beast stuff. It's crazy. 

But overall I'm happiest and more confident than I've ever been. I'm a better person. I'm continuing to learn, and I'm excited for the future. Thanks for reading

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Moderator

Welcome to our community, Larry!  Congratulations on experiencing that sense of relief and release that comes with letting go of religious dogma.  Having a nice tidy set of religious beliefs is comforting to a lot of people.  But be careful because if you look too closely you see that it’s not as tidy as it seemed: the contradictions start to appear, and it can become evident that it’s actually a mess.  And one day it sinks in that the world works the way it would if there was no god behind the curtain, directing things and answering prayers.   You realize there is no nice tidy box to fit everything into, but you also can let go of the dogma and let your mind explore where it was not allowed to go before.  You can figure out your own path through life, you can establish your own morality and your own philosophy.  But you’re not alone in that: even though wisdom is not handed down from the clouds by a deity, there is a wealth of wisdom available to us from mortal human beings who have learned lessons from life through the ages.  Some of it is compatible with Christianity, some is not, but it’s all there for us to absorb and incorporate into our lives.  It’s exciting when there is no forbidden territory in this journey of exploration.  Human life can be much richer when the walls of dogma and theology are broken down!  

 

Again, welcome!  I look forward to hearing more from you, Larry.

 

- TABA

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome! You are discovering that sometimes family ties are toxic and will continue to poison you and others you love, all justified by religion (and narcissism even in non-religious families). Some families are great, some of sort of meh, others are best cut off like cancer. It sounds like you have sorted out your own concepts and seen through the programming. Now instead of subjecting yourself to unbending, unreasoning religious fanatics, find joy and peace without them. Some of my own family are about as religious as I once was, and right about the time I rejected the beliefs they became distant. That worked out fine for me.

 

We also had several families of immigrants to whom we had grown close, but our only real tie outside of that closeness we formed was the faith. When we rejected that, our common bond was broken and we rarely see them now. That hurt, but there are a few toxic ones in their family group that make it icky, and since their whole world is utterly steeped in non-stop Jesus, we didn't want to make things awkward for them or for us and split. We saw them recently at a funeral, and 95% of them were wonderful and we expressed love to each other, but the toxic few were there with no smiles, no greetings, and were clearly being the "holy warriors" they imagine themselves to be.  Meh. 

 

Find new friends and circles, though that is difficult during this quarantine time. For me, nature provides a steady diet of quiet beauty and a feeling of connection to life in general, apart from the odd abstractions of "meaning" humans keep trying to stick on things. Music is another kind of beauty I enjoy. and most of my circle of friends post-church are musicians. Most of them are not religious, or are social believers. When you stop allowing your relationships to be poisoned, you get to explore just being you and being together.

 

And it takes time to decompress from the toxic relationships. When we are around it long enough, we expect to be beaten emotionally. But that is horrible. So I suggest distance and a new way of being, day in and day out. Choose to find the beauty in life.

 

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

@Larryd,

 

Thanx for your post and welcome to Ex-C!

 

We (Ex-C members) all know how frustrating it can be dealing with fundy fams, friends from our former churchy days, and that half-witted dillweed in the park who confronts each passer-by to ensure they are Christian. I feel your pain with your pa as Mrs. MOHO and her son are both, for the most part, reasonably intelligent (not much formal education but they read a lot) but when it comes to god, Jesus, Bible, they turn into over-bearing, egomaniacs hell bent on spewing nonsense and having the last word.

 

I think many egomaniacs and control-freaks are drawn to xianity as it seems to quench some sort of thirst. I'd like to see a study on that.

 

My point of all this is that we are here to lend an ear and let you know you are not alone. Keep reading and posting here.

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. It goes along way. I've been looking for this kinda community for a long time

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Super Moderator

Welcome, Larry!

Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, Larryd said:

The freedom I feel from walking away is amazing.

 

 ^  ^  ^   Best part of the whole program. And welcome. Stick around and contribute to the discussions.  And be sure to navigate your way to Citsonga's cartoon collection over in the humor section of the clubs department.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome!  I lost credibility with several in my family, but I had to be true to my beliefs.  Be respectful, but stand firm!  I worked out an agree to disagree with my parents, and eventually things "kind of" worked out.  Living out of state we still visited periodically, and after Dad died my mother confessed she had had some doubts along the way.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome Larry! I see you are interested in metal. greetings from a fellow metalhead! 

 

What's your favorite band btw?

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, AyahuascaPhoenix said:

Welcome Larry! I see you are interested in metal. greetings from a fellow metalhead! 

 

What's your favorite band btw?

My favorite is avatar, though I like all kinds of metal/hard rock. In flames, fleshgod apocalypse are also good ones among others. How about yourself?

Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, Larryd said:

My favorite is avatar, though I like all kinds of metal/hard rock. In flames, fleshgod apocalypse are also good ones among others. How about yourself?

I mostly listen to classic oldschool metal, Black Sabbath is my favorite along with Deep Purple Led Zeppelin Judas Priest Iron Maiden Metallica Megadeth Slayer etc.

 

I also like alot of 70's prog rock like Jethro Tull and Pink Floyd

 

Christianity used to make me feel guilty about listening to metal, So I forced myself to get into christian metal bands like Stryper

Which was hard to stomach because they're embarrsingly bad. Thankfully I don't ever have to put up with any of that anymore.

 

Since deconverting I've been playing this track alot. It seems to sound much better than ever before.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I still enjoy some Christian metal, mainly demon hunter and norma Jean. Some of the Christian stuff is just terrible though.

 

Avatar has some good anti-Christian lyrics especially in smells like a freakshow.

God in a casket
Gone for eternities
We've got no rules,
No rules, no rules
I...
God in a casket
Lost all authority
Come watch the fools
The fools, the fools

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.