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Goodbye Jesus

I just got some shocking news. My past may come back to bite me, and I'm not sure how/if I can handle it? Thoughts?


ZenPaladin

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I have some news, not sure yet to say if it's good or bad. So awhile back after I told my therapist about what happened with my ex-friend Simba(used and manipulated me and allegedly molested my younger sister), he had to make the mandated report to the authorities? Well, less than a couple weeks ago we got a letter in the mail from the police department of our old city addressed to my sister. Now when I was venting to my mother after my sister's last outburst, I don't think I said I told the counselor about Simba. but anyway, my mom just called me a few minutes ago(she and my sister went to Vegas to help/visit my grandparents) and she said a detective from our old city already talked to my sister and was gonna call me at some point for my side of things.

 

 

TBH, I would be lying if I said part of me wasn't scared shitless. I don't say this to say I don't necessarily want justice for my sister, but it is bringing up things I had been trying to move past. I mean, I had figured that nothing would really come of this and life would move on, but it could seem to be the opposite now. And when I first shared my experiences on here (including Simba) I know I said that there was some dumb shenanigans with girls and such. It was kinda similar to what you see from entitled nice guys/incels on TV and movies but instead of dates, it was me lending him my phone to text my crushes(all 3 he somehow knew closely), a couple of those ''plans'' like you see in the TV episodes where someone has a crush and tries to woo them, etc. For the church girl I had liked, there had been a couple of times I waited outside the youth group to talk to her and ask her out(again after she turned me down once) and the youth pastor did say it made her uncomfortable.

 

 

It was an idea Simba had, but I take responsibility for it and did apologize to her and we made up and were still friends when I was there and it wasn't an issue anymore. And in general in middle school I was fucking awkward, had a shitty sense of boundaries and was admittedly seen as kinda off putting and clingy and I had told this to Simba. I'm not excusing what inappropriate mistakes I did male, but it was not a good time in my life as my parents were fighting alot, dad was the worst of it being unsupportive, in and out of the house and kinda abusive and mom didn't know what she was doing, none of which was a good influence for me or my sister who also fought harshly at times. Simba and the shenanigans looking back, were my way of trying to find some source of acceptance or goal reaching outside of being into church at this time as I needed escapism from the turmoil of home.

 

 

I know in therapy(been attending for a few months) there is alot of talk about self forgiveness and love and such, but right now I'm just reminded of what Simba had said when I had called him out, how he was gonna ''expose me'' even though the mistakes I made were not anywhere near sexually assaulting someone, and I don't say this as a downplay of my actions but only reality. But I do wonder about what he may say or how he may frame things to turn it back on me. I never knew he did anything like that to my sister until she told us years later, and it was heartbreaking. I'm already a bit stressed about when I can finish the EMS program and if I pass as well as still figuring out how to move out and start truly living life, but this not only complicates things but I also wonder how it could affect my family considering the tension. And it can be even more isolating than it already is since due to the qurantine, socializing is mostly zilch and for a person on the spectrum that's almost like a kryptonite. And I still sometimes feel regret with my past mistakes and sometimes questioning how good a person I really am. Sorry for the rambling, but this was a curveball I didn't see coming.

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If you were not involved in any molesting, you have nothing to worry about.  If Simba causes any problems, ask the police for a restraining order.  I don't see why it would cause problems within your family, but if it does, tell them you acted in good faith, and to back off and leave you alone.  Refuse to argue with them about it.  HANG IN THERE!  You are NOT a helpless being!

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