Intermittent lurker finally saying hello

[GrandmaDeeDee]

Hello, Ex-C community. I've roamed these forums on and off for over a decade, since shortly after deconverting about 15 years ago. Mine was a traumatic exit from the church, then it took me a few years to realize that the break was permanent.

 

I'm an older woman (as implied by my name, I guess). I came to faith for the last time in my mid-30's, after a couple of decades of trying to find my way to something in which I could honestly believe, trying very hard to make a spiritual home somewhere. I blindly accepted the lie that children require spiritual training to become moral adults, so when my three kids were 4, 6, and 8, my now-ex-husband and I accepted a neighbor's invitation to church and ended up staying ten years. 

 

It was my family, my social life, my purpose, my creative outlet, my solace, my hope; it was also, for the last two years, my employer. For the first time in my life, I belonged somewhere. But it ended badly, and the day that happened is, as for many of us here I'm sure, my before-and-after moment, the day I can point to and say "everything before THAT was a different life, and everything since has been something else entirely." I've never been the same; sometimes that feels like a good thing, sometimes not.

 

My relationships with my husband and with the church died in the same week, and though that may sound simplistic, believe me -- it wasn't; by the time I arrived at that point, the marriage was easy enough to walk away from, but the loss of faith was a four-year-hell. So I'm turning off the invisibility screen, because after two decades of kicking around a novel I've promised myself to finish some day, I find myself halfway through the writing and I'm getting to the hard part. It's not autobiographical, but it does come from the place where my end-of-faith pain is stored; the old wounds need to be inspected and cleaned again, and maybe this time I'll get it right and it'll finally heal.

 

Thanks for all the help you've given without knowing it; your existence here means something to the world, even if we're not all brave enough to say hello at first. 

 

DD

[webmdave]

Welcome, @GrandmaDeeDee. I hope you find some inspiration here to assist you in finishimg your novel and hope you also eventually find a path to complete peace of mind for having returned to reason and reality after a lifetime in mental bondage.

 

With respect,

@webmdave

[Derek]

Hi and welcome

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Welcome! Glad you feel comfortable being visible here.

 

[TABA]

Welcome to our community, @GrandmaDeeDee!  It’s always nice when a lurker comes out of the shadows to introduce themselves and become fully “one of us”!  We’re always aware that there are those silently reading, and we hope to help those whom we don’t even know are there!  There is strength in numbers, so thank you for adding to our strength.  Also, contributing here in the forums is helpful for both the writer and the readers, so I hope you will be active here.  I have certainly grown in confidence and happiness with my post-Christian life thanks to this community. 

 

Looking forward to getting to know you better!

 

- TABA

[Tsathoggua9]

Welcome aboard! Nice to have you with us.

[Geezer]

Welcome and as my name implies I’m an old coot. I was a Christian fundamentalist for 47 years. Elder, deacon, teacher, and evangelist. Doubts began setting in the late 90’s. Mentally I was gone by 2005 but didn’t officially cut all ties until 2012. 
 

Leaving was/is hard but freedom proved to be worth all the trauma. My group ostracizes those that become apostate. It was difficult to lose close friends, but I eventually realized they weren’t really friends. They were simply fellow believers and I was no longer a member of their cult. I don’t miss that nonsense and would never go back.

 

Glad you found like minded folk that understand what leaving religion is like and have experienced some version of religious trauma syndrome.  

[MOHO]

Welcome, @GrandmaDeeDee.

Nice to meet you and it's good to have a talented writer on board.

Hope you stick around and read/write more.

[Joshpantera]

A warm welcome, indeed! 

 

13 hours ago, GrandmaDeeDee said:

Thanks for all the help you've given without knowing it; your existence here means something to the world, even if we're not all brave enough to say hello at first. 

 

DD

 

Those of us who often refer to lurking readers in our posts, are not just paranoid or insane! The reading audience is much broader than people realize at times. And these discussion threads can be helpful in ways that are not always evident simply based on the participants of the threads themselves. 

 

Thanks for signing in and letting know more about you. 

[Hierophant]

@GrandmaDeeDee Welcome to Ex-C. This community was instrumental in helping me work through some issues and reprogramming my mind to think more clearly. Glad to have you with us and I admire your bravery for introducing yourself. I know how challenging it can be to put yourself out there.

[LogicalFallacy]

Welcome @GrandmaDeeDee

 

Welcome formerly to Ex-C. I'm glad you've decided to not just be a passive participant by reading the forums, but to become an active member by joining up and posting.

 

Your post reminds me of the stories others have shared about the hardship of leaving ones faith. It's rarely an easy journey, and often we don't make it our without scars.

 

Looking forward to reading your posts.

 

LF

[TruthSeeker0]

Hello! I'm looking forward to hearing more about your story if you want to share. 

[GrandmaDeeDee]

Thanks to all for the warm welcome. One of these days I'll try to edit my testimonial down to a manageable size, but in the meantime I look forward to participating. I went through a very lengthy thread in the Lion's Den the other day: y'all are good!! I'm neither scientist nor logician so I'll leave the debating to those who know what they're doing. Had to laugh at the irony: all the talk about humility among believers, but honestly the best lesson I've ever had on the subject is realizing I used to sound like them. 

 

cha·grin

/SHəˈɡrin/

noun

 

distress or embarrassment at having failed or been humiliated.

"Jeff, much to his chagrin, wasn't invited"

 

verb

feel distressed or humiliated.

"he was chagrined when his friend poured scorn on him"

 

Thanks again, everyone!

DD

[◊ Weezer ◊]

On 6/16/2020 at 10:36 AM, GrandmaDeeDee said:

Had to laugh at the irony: all the talk about humility among believers, but honestly the best lesson I've ever had on the subject is realizing I used to sound like them.

 

Ditto!

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

I'm glad you're here, @GrandmaDeeDee! Writing is super important and therapeutic, I think! I'm looking forward to reading more from you.