My Story

[FreeFromGuilt]

I am finally ready to share my story. I read many testimonies on here in the beginning of my deconversion that really helped me feel less alone. Maybe my story will help someone too.

 

I grew up in a relaxed Christian home. My mom was very involved in the church, but we didn't live out our faith at home. My childhood was normal and I didn't become a devout Christian until I was in college. We attended church reguarly, but our Pastor didn't really preach from the Bible. He would throw a verse into his sermons now and then, but every service was more of a feel good, God loves you sort of thing.

 

Fast forward to my last few months of college. I was depressed. I hated what I was going to school for, had zero friends, and felt like I had ruined my future by racking up college debt for a degree I hated. After several months of misery, I remembered how good church used to make me feel. I had a part-time job that prevented me from going to church, but I loved to read. I felt so silly for not turning to the Bible earlier! I had a giant love letter from God!! That night I opened my Bible eager to be encouraged...

 

Well as everyone here knows, the Bible is NOT a big self-help book. It's got lots of wrath, Hell, genealogy, and prophecies. When I realized this, instead of running in the opposite direction, I became angry. Not at the Bible, but at my church for not teaching me the real word of God. I felt like I had been lied to all these years. I now wanted to learn who God really was...

 

I got "saved" and found a church that taught the Bible verse by verse. It was actually a good time in my life because I went from depressed to madly in love with Jesus. I was so happy and deeply devoted to God. It was a big non-demonanital church with loud music and a welcoming atmosphere. I learned about sin for the first time, but also learned how much God loved me. It was actually a decent church. 

 

Fast forward a few months later and I met my husband. He was exactly what I was looking for faith wise. He also became a Christian as an adult, and was so passionate about God that he did street evangelism, taught adult Sunday School, and was working to become a church deacon.

 

He was a member of a little county Baptist church. I loved my church, but the first time I went to his, I was in love. Not only did his church teach from the Bible, his pastor was not afraid to preach about Hell and God's wrath. I felt like I was finally learning what the Bible actually said. No more feel-good sermons, you left feeling convicted!

 

Just like everyone else at his church, we were married a few months after meeting. I couldn't wait to begin my life like everyone else at the church. I envisioned my life as a devout Christian wife with a couple kids that we would homeschool. I would bake cookies for church, make friends with the other church women, do Bible studies with my husband daily, fall more in love with Jesus, it was going to be a wonderful amazing future....

 

Yeah that didn't happen....What happens when you marry someone you barely know just because you're both Christians and love eachother? You argue...A LOT. And guess what also happens when a shy awkward person tries to join a group of people with strict beliefs and ideals? They recede further into their shell. And what happens when someone who was told at 17 they only had a 5% chance of getting pregnant? Jesus doesn't magically heal their infertility! And guess what happens when you combine all of this with NON-STOP preaching about Hell? Well, let's just say anxiety ensues!!!

 

I gave up everything for Jesus. I missed so many family events and functions because they happened on a Sunday. I refused to go for Jesus.. I also continued to have no friends. I didn't fit in with the other church women because my marriage wasn't blissful, and I didn't have kids to homeschool. I felt so alone and couldn't understand why God wasn't helping me.

 

I'll fast forward through all the drama but I had a really rough 4 years. Long story short my husband got so involved in the church we didn't have time for anything else. I didn't have a single friend at the church so I was alone during church 100% of the time (we couldn't even sit together because he had lots of responsibilies during the service). I eventually asked to switch churches, which caused more arguing but finally we left after 4 long years...

 

When we left that church, I was still a believer. Which actually made things more difficult because I couldn't understand why God wasn't making life easier for me. I had done EVERYTHING I was supposed to, but my life was still a mess. I truly thought I wasn't saved. I also thought God was punishing me for making my husband leave his church home. I honestly kept waiting for something horrible to happen to me as punishment.

 

We church shopped for a while, and eventually found somewhere that we both liked. We agreed to only attend services for the time being until we healed from the damage caused by being too involved in our old church. But slowly, our attendance began to waiver... It was a combo of our work schedules, and a fear of getting overly involved again. 

 

Then I broke my ankle and it made going to our church (lots of stairs) nearly impossible. After 3 months of no attendance, I started allowing the questions I always had about the Bible to start playing in my head. I really hated the idea of Hell. And the main one (that I NEVER let myself think as a Christian), an eternity worshipping at the feet of Jesus didn't sound like fun. It actually didn't seem fair. I didn't ask Jesus to die for me, so why do I have to spend eternity bowing down to him?

 

A few months later after doing some research, I nervously broke the news to my husband that I didn't believe in the Bible anymore, and questioned if there really was a God. 

 

I had no idea what this would do to our relationship. I was worried he would drag me back to church and it would be a nightmare....

 

But to my SHOCK, he admitted he didn't believe anymore either, but was too afraid to tell me!!!!

 

It's now been 5 months since we officially said we don't believe anymore. Things are getting better and I now love learning about all the errors in the Bible! 

 

Thanks for reading, hope this encourages someone.

 

[TABA]

Hi @FreeFromGuilt and thanks for sharing your story!  I’m glad to know this site was helpful to you and I know your story will be encouraging to others.  
 

Your experience of Christianity and Jesus bringing you anxiety rather than blessings is all too familiar.  It’s almost as if Christianity is like any other human concept: works for some, not for others.  
 

For me, the icing on the cake was when your husband shared his unbelief with you.  What a huge relief that must have been for you both!  Awesome. You being on the same page about religion is a huge plus for your relationship.  Congratulations to you both!

 

- TABA

[FreeFromGuilt]

8 minutes ago, TABA said:

Hi @FreeFromGuilt and thanks for sharing your story!  I’m glad to know this site was helpful to you and I know your story will be encouraging to others.  

 

- TABA

This site actually played a huge role in my deconversion. When I first started admitting to myself (before I told my husband) that I didn't like Christianity, I found this site. Reading testimony after testimony highlighted even more things I didn't like about the faith.

 

My deconversion started as a dislike of Christianity and eventually became more academic when I started reading Bart Ehrman's books and realized the Bible wasn't actually inerrant like I had been taught.

[Hierophant]

@FreeFromGuilt Welcome to Ex-C and thank you for sharing your story! Glad to hear you and your husband are on the same track. I applaud your courage for going to your husband without knowing he had already stopped believing.

 

As @TABA stated, Christianity seems to play out differently for everyone. Like you, I was constantly anxious and stressed about some of the ideas, especially Hell. It sounds like you are on a clear path already. This website, as you already discovered, is a wealth of knowledge; and it looks like you are already reading the right material. You will be amazed at the vast amount of critical scholarship out there. Definitely will never see it on some pastor's reading list.

[Geezer]

Academics often refer to Christianity as the Christian Cult for a reason. All religions practice some form of mind control aka indoctrination and brainwashing, as essential tools necessary to obtain blind obedience and control of their members minds and lives.

 

Congratulations on your successful escape from the cult. Life without the fear of Hell is exhilarating. True freedom is freedom FROM religion.

 

 

[Tsathoggua9]

22 hours ago, FreeFromGuilt said:

This site actually played a huge role in my deconversion. When I first started admitting to myself (before I told my husband) that I didn't like Christianity, I found this site. Reading testimony after testimony highlighted even more things I didn't like about the faith.

 

My deconversion started as a dislike of Christianity and eventually became more academic when I started reading Bart Ehrman's books and realized the Bible wasn't actually inerrant like I had been taught.

 

Excellent news!

[MOHO]

Thank you for posting your extimoney, @FreeFromGuilt.

I think that it is really swell that your hubby admitted his lack of faith when you opened up to him about yours. Readers should be advised that heir actual mileage may very, like it did for me, but this is very encouraging and I wonder how many families would have a similar revelation if one member should choose to start the dominoes.

 

Kudos to you for thinking your way out of the mind-control. That takes courage and, frequently, tenacity!

[FreeFromGuilt]

@MOHO I think another important thing to note is while readers may have a different experience, if their partner does happen to stop believing too, it's not an easy road.

 

Deconversion doesn't fix every marriage problem. Sure it helps with some issues, but it also creates new ones. For example you might deconvert at different speeds, develop conflicting views, etc. The big issue is if your marriage REVOLVED around faith, you are now left wondering who you are as a couple. It's a weird situation to be in.

[MOHO]

23 minutes ago, FreeFromGuilt said:

The big issue is if your marriage REVOLVED around faith, you are now left wondering who you are as a couple. It's a weird situation to be in.

I hadn't thought about that aspect, @FreeFromGuilt. Good point and prudent to point that out to those contemplating coming out.

[FreeFromGuilt]

39 minutes ago, MOHO said:

I hadn't thought about that aspect, @FreeFromGuilt. Good point and prudent to point that out to those contemplating coming out.

Another thing people don't think about is all the hard conversations you are going to have.

 

When you realize you based your entire relationship on a fairytale, you start realizing how many things each of you did wrong to eachother in the name of those fairytales. Some good memories will turn bad, you might get angry about something that happened 2 years ago because you suddenly have a new perspective, and your spouse will remind you of things you had forgotten about. 

 

I will admit it's definitely better than the alternative of your spouse thinking you are going to Hell, but people don't realize how much harder deconversion can be when it's not only you going through it, but your spouse too. 

 

The awesome part of it though is your spouse knows EXACTLY what you're going through. They went to the SAME church, heard the SAME sermons, watched your faith both grow and deconstruct. It's really amazing to have someone who can 100% relate to your struggles. 

 

On these forums you read stories that you can kinda relate to, but not exactly. They held different beliefs about certain things, had different family, different pastors, different influences...so there is a lot of explaining and comparing notes.

 

When you can talk to your spouse about your deconversion it's truly amazing because they can be like, "Yes! That sermon was awful! Do you remember when the Pastor said this..."

 

I do feel fortunate to have my husband deconverting with me.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

WELCOME! 

[Myrkhoos]

Hello,

 

Thanks for your story. In a way, familiar, with the college age crisis. I learned, through reading and having some little therapy with cult recovery trained therapists, that usually these groups get you in a very vulnerable moment in life. Either as a child, or later. I recommend reading about cults and mind control and recovery. From a wide range of authors. Jon Atack has a youtube channel about it. Steve Hassan, Janja Lalich and personal favourite, Alexandra Stein, Terror Love and Brainwashing. Of course, read critically. This is not about another believe every word of every book thing.    

       In the moment, I am going through a phase where christianity sounds more and more absurd.

 

Stefan