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Goodbye Jesus

EMOTION


Freed

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I hate being so emotional. I feel everything around me way too much. I feel other peoples emotions when I'm around them. Every thought I get comes with an emotion. I feel things too intensely. It's always black and white with me. Good vs. evil. Right vs. wrong. All or nothing. I cry and explode too much. I love and hate easily. I'm always either living in the past or thinking about the future. I rarely find myself in the present. I'm obsessive. I do, feel, and think about everything in extremes. I don't know how to not feel anything. I wish I had no emotions at all. 

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It can be intense. My friends say I fit the classic Pisces image of feeling other people's emotions as if they were my own, sometimes it is a whirlwind of emotion since I work in a courthouse sometimes. Lots of upset people. It took me 50 years to figure out that I was that sensitive, and that I had to learn to distinguish between my own thoughts and feelings and those around me. That makes choice the most important tool I have because otherwise I'm easily led by what I'm feeling from others.

 

Sometimes my own mind seems to have other personalities that vie for control, like my body is an avatar for the loudest thoughts. But then I remember who I am, and find myself talking to the "others" and take the reins back. Sounds odd if you haven't lived it. It is sort of Jungian psychology, learning about my shadow selves. 

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Perhaps some psychedelic journeys like Fuego has described would help?

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On 11/19/2020 at 5:24 PM, Freed said:

I hate being so emotional. I feel everything around me way too much. I feel other peoples emotions when I'm around them. Every thought I get comes with an emotion. I feel things too intensely. It's always black and white with me. Good vs. evil. Right vs. wrong. All or nothing. I cry and explode too much. I love and hate easily. I'm always either living in the past or thinking about the future. I rarely find myself in the present. I'm obsessive. I do, feel, and think about everything in extremes. I don't know how to not feel anything. I wish I had no emotions at all. 

 

Have you ever tried mindfulness meditation?  You can start with something simple, like closing your eyes and just observing your breath going in and out.  Try it for 15 seconds, then a minute, then longer, and when your mind wanders and you become aware of it wandering, just go back to watching your breathing.  It's an excellent way to stay in the moment, and it does gradually get easier.

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Thanks so much everyone. Back when I was practicing martial arts I was able to meditate by myself. But now unable to practice martial arts I can't do that anymore. Someone has to guide my through it? I find that really weird and annoying. 

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Well this is sexist, but most women can be kinda emotional. It probably works from the evolutionary perspective given how prevalent it is. Therefore, a) there's nothing too wrong with it and b) you just gotta deal with it, whether you're a man or a woman. Nobody will be surprised by it and almost everyone will give leeway for it.

 

Given how you are observing it, you're fine anyway. Sure, you will go on overdrive at times, but afterward you can analyze it.

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