Jump to content

tell me it gets better


Jean1Wilson
 Share

Recommended Posts

I went to a pentecostal seminary straight out of high school as a very naive, sheltered child with no life experience. Bible College was spiritually heavy and emotionally difficult. I experienced health issues because I wasn't eating or sleeping well. I felt constant fear of sin and hell and pressure to hold a perfect standard. I thought everything I was taught was correct, and that demons would take my mind over if I let myself doubt. 

 

I couldn't show weakness for fear of being kicked out or letting "sin into the camp". I'm romantically attracted to both women and men. I felt every day that I was full of sin and dying, somehow just kept alive by god. Now I am home, and out of the school under the guise of not being able to pay for it. I'm working on deprogramming logical fallacies and self hatred out of myself, but its really hard. My mom cries every day about me leaving the faith, my sister is suicidal, and my dad is angry.

 

There's not a lot of older people I can talk to, because all of my mentors and supporters were religiously extreme. I don't get to leave the house often with covid. I could use a hug and someone to tell me that it gets better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

just one post, wow. A newbie. Welcome to X-Christ forum Jean

 

"Tell me it gets better"

 

Since you have come here you can bet you will learn more of the truth of reality than the fantasies of religion. Lots of good advice here so you can ask your questions and l expect you'll meet friendly people with good advice to offer. Hope you like it enough here to stay. It is far better to have knowledge of the truth than fumble through life with the fantasies and fears of religion. All the best to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Super Moderator

Welcome!

 

It's been a long journey, but you're out and you landed here. Things are already better! 🤗

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can't give you a literal hug, but can tell you It may be a rough, rocky road, but it can get better.  I spent years believing I was basically a sex addict.  But finally realized I was simply a normal male.  

 

You may need to placate your family for a while until you can gain some independence.   Tell them you are sorry they feel bad, but you have to be true to your self.  You may need to avoid any discussion of the religious issues.  Read our testimonies in the TESTIMONIAL section.  Mine is called TRUTH:  A GRADUAL AWAKENING.  

 

Hopefully you live in an urban area where some social  services are available from people who are not family, or people who are of the same religion.  And you might try the web site RECOVERING FROM RELIGION.

 

There are definitely those here who can identify with you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator
3 hours ago, Jean1Wilson said:

I thought everything I was taught was correct, and that demons would take my mind over if I let myself doubt. 

 

Hold my beer!!!

 

3 hours ago, Jean1Wilson said:

There's not a lot of older people I can talk to, because all of my mentors and supporters were religiously extreme. I don't get to leave the house often with covid. I could use a hug and someone to tell me that it gets better.

 

It can get better, depending. I'll say use the community. We are mainly middle and older aged. And mentor types for ex christian youths. We have a lot of experience and accumulated knowledge going around the community. There's a lot to learn and friendships can be made if you stick around. 

 

Chin up! 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome! Lots of empathetic folks here who have been through similar things.

 

One question, you said your sister is suicidal. Is she saying that is because of you, or is she experiencing the same kind of emotional pressure cooker that you are, and wants out?

 

My best friend spent years in two emotionally difficult situations. His mom always told him to be more quiet. But that is like telling a fog horn to keep it down. He was made to be loud and exuberant. So he constantly felt like he was defective for being himself. Then he gravitated to a campus "ministry" (cult) called Maranatha where they manipulated constantly and controlled the congregation with strong leaders that claimed to prophesy, so it felt like they could read your thoughts. He broke emotionally and went manic and had to be hospitalized to come back down to non-manic. Then it took years of figuring out that he was ok with a gentle faith (he became a Catholic, with emphasis on quiet prayer). He wasn't ready to deconvert, and needed his faith as emotional support. But we're still best friends and we respect each other's path. 

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator

Hi Jean, welcome to Ex-C

 

I can't give you a literal hug so here is a virtual one *hugs*

 

I can tell you it does get better, but I won't sugar coat it. Often it takes time and there can be pain and heartache along the way, as you already seem to be experiencing.

 

19 hours ago, Jean1Wilson said:

My mom cries every day about me leaving the faith, my sister is suicidal, and my dad is angry.

 

This is one of the worst things about religion - it makes people act in such a way to put pressure on anyone leaving the faith that is not applied to any other change in belief. I was told my Mom was close to having a heart attack because of me saying I no longer believed. So you are not alone in your experiences. 

 

One thing that I found that helped is I used the bible and my family's belief to clam things down. I asked if they believed that everything was Gods will (yes), and that if God wanted to reveal himself to me he would (yes) and he clearly hadn't done that thus far so we should leave it in Gods hands yes? (Yes) So that kind of reasoning may help take the steam out of the situation depending on your families particular beliefs about the will of God etc. 

 

What I find ironic is that supposedly God has a plan for everyone, therefore nothing should upset Christians because everything is God's will. Yet they routinely get upset. Bit of cognitive dissonance methinks.

 

All the best, hang around and feel free to ask questions or for support.

 

LF

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It will get better.  One of the most important changes about becoming an adult is gaining self control.  You get a job, your own place to live and everything in your life is there because you bought it or want it.  Once you have the ability to move, to work elsewhere and to start fresh, that is when your world opens up to the possibilities.  If your family is unable to be supportive, or are permanently negative, then getting that distance from them is for the best.  Once you can, plan to move to a new suburb, city, state or another country if you wish.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, its up to you where that tunnel will take you.  Keep your focus on the long term goal and worry less about the day to day stress.  The short term stuff will come and go, but the long term is the direction you can choose.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey, welcome aboard! I hope that you can disengage from your former faith as smoothly as possible. Life does improve after you have made your transition.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Super Moderator

I won't say it gets better, Jean; but I can promise it gets different.  Time takes time; and this, too, shall pass.  Everything is impermanent. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Jean, I'm so sorry you're experiencing all of this! You are not alone. 

 

I know it's already been said, but I'd like to add Recovering from Religion, too. Religious trauma is a real thing and RfR would be a good resource for you. RfR can be reached at 1-844-368-2848 and you can talk with an in-real-time live person who's trained in working with people in your very situation. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.