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Dealing with questions from the old church?


Timothew
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How do you handle the questions from people from your old church? I was on a walk and somebody asked me if we were still going to church. Right now, the pandemic is a handy excuse but that might come to an end. I don't want to open up a whole can of worms, but I don't want to lie to people either. I think it is rude of them to ask, but I know that they are not trying to be offensive. I'm thinking of just saying "Church got to be too political, so I don't go anymore."

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I ran into that very situation. My response was, "Oh, I don't believe that stuff anymore. How are you doing these days?" Should there ever be any follow up or challenge to that I would summon Forrest Gump, "and that's all I've got to say about that."

 

While you may be afraid to offend some poor believer with your apostasy, there is just as likely a chance they are having their own doubts and knowing you made your escape could be encouraging and validating. Honesty always, that's the ticket!

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As a general rule, I'm with florduh; honesty is to be preferred when possible.  At Christmas of 2019, my mom told me the only gift she wanted from me was for me to go to church with her.  I told her the only appropriate gift she could give me in return was for her to go to the Buddhist temple with me.  I sat through an hour of Christmas songs and a retelling of the nativity story.  She sat through three hours of Buddhist chanting.  She hasn't mentioned church to me since.

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20 hours ago, florduh said:

I ran into that very situation. My response was, "Oh, I don't believe that stuff anymore. How are you doing these days?" Should there ever be any follow up or challenge to that I would summon Forrest Gump, "and that's all I've got to say about that."

 

While you may be afraid to offend some poor believer with your apostasy, there is just as likely a chance they are having their own doubts and knowing you made your escape could be encouraging and validating. Honesty always, that's the ticket!

Thanks Florduh,

I'll do that, except that I walk with my wife who is still a believer (I don't really know what I am). I don't want to offend anyone, I just want to be left alone. My wife was with me when the person (lets call him Kevin) asked. I let my wife respond. She said "We don't go because of the pandemic, but after that is over we'll be back." She knows that I'm not going back, but Kevin doesn't really need to know that. I didn't say anything else about that. 

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On 3/9/2021 at 8:31 AM, TheRedneckProfessor said:

As a general rule, I'm with florduh; honesty is to be preferred when possible.  At Christmas of 2019, my mom told me the only gift she wanted from me was for me to go to church with her.  I told her the only appropriate gift she could give me in return was for her to go to the Buddhist temple with me.  I sat through an hour of Christmas songs and a retelling of the nativity story.  She sat through three hours of Buddhist chanting.  She hasn't mentioned church to me since.

 

 

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On 3/9/2021 at 7:08 AM, Timothew said:

How do you handle the questions from people from your old church? I was on a walk and somebody asked me if we were still going to church. Right now, the pandemic is a handy excuse but that might come to an end. I don't want to open up a whole can of worms, but I don't want to lie to people either. I think it is rude of them to ask, but I know that they are not trying to be offensive. I'm thinking of just saying "Church got to be too political, so I don't go anymore."

 

They think it's their duty to bring you back, you know how it is. I agree with the others who say just keep it real and as honest as you can be. You may have to keep it vague with some people, sure. 

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On 3/10/2021 at 1:08 AM, Timothew said:

How do you handle the questions from people from your old church? I was on a walk and somebody asked me if we were still going to church. Right now, the pandemic is a handy excuse but that might come to an end. I don't want to open up a whole can of worms, but I don't want to lie to people either. I think it is rude of them to ask, but I know that they are not trying to be offensive. I'm thinking of just saying "Church got to be too political, so I don't go anymore."

 

I guess each person needs to handle things differently based on their circumstances. I tend to tell the truth because short of burning the proverbial bridge of family relationships telling the truth won't impact my life negatively (E.g. I won't lose business, job etc). So IF (which they won't) but if anyone from my old church asked why I wasn't going (They won't ask if I'm going because I haven't for 5 years) I would say because there is not sufficient evidence to warrant belief in the Churches teachings. And if I got really pushed on things I would also tell them that I think some of their views are morally abhorrent. 

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16 hours ago, Timothew said:

I don't want to offend anyone, I just want to be left alone.

I relate to this hard. Unfortunately, I've learned that this situation doesn't last forever. At some point, you'll have be honest, as the others have been saying.

 

16 hours ago, Timothew said:

My wife was with me when the person (lets call him Kevin) asked.

This may warrant your dodging the question (this time). Sounds like your deconstruction and what the future's gonna look like is something that needs to be discussed and determined with your wife first before allowing friggin' Kevin into the conversation. Get on the same page with your wife first, then tell people.

 

Because another thing to keep in mind is that once you tell Kevin, he's going to run back to the church and gossip about (disguised as a prayer request, of course). You'll want to have your story straight with your wife before that happens.

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On 3/9/2021 at 4:08 AM, Timothew said:

How do you handle the questions from people from your old church? I was on a walk and somebody asked me if we were still going to church. Right now, the pandemic is a handy excuse but that might come to an end. I don't want to open up a whole can of worms, but I don't want to lie to people either. I think it is rude of them to ask, but I know that they are not trying to be offensive. I'm thinking of just saying "Church got to be too political, so I don't go anymore."

 

"Church sucks so I dont go anymore." 

 

:)

 

 

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7 hours ago, TheDeconvertedMan said:

I relate to this hard. Unfortunately, I've learned that this situation doesn't last forever. At some point, you'll have be honest, as the others have been saying.

 

This may warrant your dodging the question (this time). Sounds like your deconstruction and what the future's gonna look like is something that needs to be discussed and determined with your wife first before allowing friggin' Kevin into the conversation. Get on the same page with your wife first, then tell people.

 

Because another thing to keep in mind is that once you tell Kevin, he's going to run back to the church and gossip about (disguised as a prayer request, of course). You'll want to have your story straight with your wife before that happens.

Thanks. I've told the pastors and an elder exactly what's going on and why I won't go back. I didn't tell Kevin. You have good advice. 

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7 hours ago, midniterider said:

 

"Church sucks so I dont go anymore." 

 

:)

 

 

Exactly.

All I need to say to anyone is "I don't go to church anymore."

It's not my fault that they stick their noses where they don't belong.

 

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19 hours ago, Timothew said:

Exactly.

All I need to say to anyone is "I don't go to church anymore."

It's not my fault that they stick their noses where they don't belong.

 

That's basically what I do.  If they question further I tell them that after years of study, I decided all religions with supernatural gods are superstitions fabricated by humans and have evolved through the ages.  That usually ends the discussion.  If not, tell them to read A LITTLE HISTORY OF RELIGION, by Richard Holloway.

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